How to choose a therapist who fits you

Learning how to choose a therapist starts with the practical filters: a valid license, your insurance or budget, in-person or online sessions, and experience with what you want help with. Then use a first conversation or session to judge fit. In a meta-analysis of 295 studies, a stronger working relationship between client and therapist was consistently linked with better outcomes, so fit is worth checking early.

Looking for a therapist can feel like a project on top of whatever brought you to look in the first place. Directories list hundreds of names, and the credentials blur together. Look for a qualified therapist you can work with, and plan to check the fit in the first few sessions.

This is for you if you are starting therapy for the first time, or looking again after a therapist who was not the right fit.

What should you look for in a therapist?

Start with what you want help with

Write down, in a sentence or two, what is bringing you to therapy. It might be anxiety that is getting in the way of work, a marriage that feels stuck, a teenager who's withdrawing, or grief that has not eased. That sentence helps you filter for therapists who work with that concern, and it gives you something to say when you reach out.

Add your preferences too, such as a therapist's gender or cultural background, LGBTQ+-affirming practice, faith perspective or the kind of therapy you want, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or EMDR. A 2018 review that pooled 53 studies with more than 16,000 clients looked at preferences about the therapist, the client's role and the type of treatment. When therapy matched those preferences, clients were less likely to drop out and had somewhat better outcomes.

Check the license

Therapists in New Jersey are licensed by the state. You can look up any license on the New Jersey Division of Consumer Affairs verification site. You will see license letters like LPC, LCSW, LAC, LSW or LMFT after therapists' names, and sometimes a doctorate such as a PsyD or PhD. Our guide to LPC vs. LCSW explains what each means. Licensed counselors, social workers, marriage and family therapists and psychologists can all provide talk therapy, and LACs, LSWs and other associate-level clinicians do so under supervision. Ask any therapist about their training and experience with your concern.

Work out cost and insurance

If you plan to use insurance, check whether the therapist is in network with your plan. Then ask your insurer what you will owe per session after your deductible. If you would rather not use insurance, or the therapist is out of network, ask about the self-pay rate. Ask too whether you will get a receipt you can submit for out-of-network reimbursement.

Decide on format and schedule

Think about whether you want in-person sessions, telehealth or both, and which times you can reliably make, such as evenings. Look for a schedule you can keep week to week, since therapy builds on regular sessions.

Where can you find a therapist?

A few places are worth checking:

• Your insurer's provider directory, which lists in-network therapists. Call the office to confirm, since directories can be out of date.
• Your primary care doctor, who can suggest names.
• An employee assistance program through your job, which may offer a few free sessions and referrals.
• A group practice, which can match you with someone on its team instead of leaving you to search alone.

Whoever you find, check the license on the state's verification site before you book.

What questions should you ask a therapist before you start?

If a therapist offers a short phone call before you start, or once you're in a first session, these questions help you use that time well:

1. "How much experience do you have with [your concern], and how do you usually approach it?"
2. "What would our first few sessions look like?"
3. "How will we know if therapy is helping?"
4. "Are you in network with my insurance, and if not, what does a session cost?"
5. "How do you handle scheduling, cancellations and contact between sessions?"
6. "Have you worked with people from my background or community?"

Notice how the answers land as well as what they say. Do you understand the explanation? Did the therapist ask about you, or mostly talk about themselves?

How do you know if a therapist is a good fit?

The working relationship between you and your therapist, which researchers call the therapeutic alliance, is one of the most studied factors in therapy. A 2018 meta-analysis of 295 studies covering more than 30,000 patients found a consistent link between a stronger alliance and better outcomes, for in-person and online therapy alike. The alliance includes agreeing on your goals, agreeing on how you will work toward them and feeling a basic bond of trust.

After a few sessions, ask yourself:

• Do I feel heard and understood, even when I am describing something hard?
• Do we agree on what we are working on?
• Does the way we work make sense to me?
• Can I disagree with my therapist or say something is not helping?

Some discomfort is part of therapy, especially when you are talking about painful things. Discomfort with the topic is different from feeling judged, dismissed or pressured by the therapist. Those are reasons to raise it, and if it doesn't change, to look elsewhere.

What if therapy isn't working?

You can switch therapists if the fit isn't right. Dropping out without a word is the outcome researchers try to prevent. A 2012 analysis that combined 669 studies with more than 83,000 clients found that about one in five clients dropped out before treatment ended. The authors called dropout a widespread problem.

If something feels off, try saying it in session before you stop going: "I'm not sure this is helping. Can we talk about what we're working on?" Raising it gives your therapist a chance to adjust the approach. If the fit still isn't right, ask for a referral, or try someone new with what you've learned about what you need.

Choosing a therapist at Inner Clarity

At Inner Clarity Counseling, you don't have to sort through profiles on your own. When you request an appointment, you answer a few short questions about your goals, insurance and preferences. The team typically replies with therapist matches within one business day, as its page on how matching works explains. If you already know who you'd like to see, you can ask for that therapist. The team does its best to match you based on fit and availability.

Your first meeting is an intake evaluation where you and your therapist decide together whether to move forward, and regular sessions are typically about 50 minutes. If your first match isn't right, the team can connect you with a different clinician.

Inner Clarity offers individual therapy, with approaches including CBT, DBT, EMDR and exposure and response prevention, at offices including Hazlet, Tinton Falls and Bordentown and by telehealth. It takes several major plans, shown on its insurance page, and you can browse and filter therapists yourself on the Find a Therapist page. If you're in Monmouth or Ocean County, our guide to finding a therapist in Monmouth and Ocean County covers the local options.

Frequently asked questions

How many therapists should I try before choosing one?

There's no set number. One or two consultation calls or first sessions often tell you a lot, so use them to compare. If you've given a therapist a few sessions and still don't feel understood, it's reasonable to try someone else. Tell the next therapist what didn't work.

Can I see a therapist online in New Jersey?

Yes. Inner Clarity sees clients by telehealth as well as in person. In a 2018 review of 295 studies, the link between a strong working relationship and better outcomes held for online therapy too. So the same fit questions apply either way.

What's the difference between a therapist and a psychiatrist?

A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who can diagnose mental health conditions and prescribe medication. Therapists, including licensed counselors, clinical social workers, marriage and family therapists and psychologists, provide talk therapy. If you might benefit from both, your therapist can coordinate with a psychiatrist or your primary care doctor, with your permission.

What are red flags in a therapist?

Be cautious if a therapist dismisses your concerns, pressures you toward a decision, talks at length about their own problems, or crosses personal or romantic boundaries. You can raise a concern or switch therapists. You can also report serious misconduct to the New Jersey Division of Consumer Affairs, which licenses therapists in the state.

Finding the right person

If you'd like help finding a therapist who fits, you can request an appointment and answer a few short questions. The team will reply with therapists for you to choose from. We hope you find someone who makes it easier to do the work you came for.

Sources

• Flückiger C, Del Re AC, Wampold BE, Horvath AO. The alliance in adult psychotherapy: a meta-analytic synthesis. Psychotherapy, 2018
• Swift JK, Callahan JL, Cooper M, Parkin SR. The impact of accommodating client preference in psychotherapy: a meta-analysis. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 2018
• Swift JK, Greenberg RP. Premature discontinuation in adult psychotherapy: a meta-analysis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 2012
• New Jersey Division of Consumer Affairs, license verification

This article is for general information and isn't a substitute for professional advice. If you're in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or call 911.