Alexithymia makes emotions hard to identify and describe. Learn the signs, common overlaps, and how therapy builds a working emotional vocabulary.
Alexithymia is difficulty identifying and describing your own emotions. It is a trait, not a mental illness. The emotions themselves still happen: your body reacts, your mood shifts, stress builds. What is missing is the bridge between that inner activity and language, so feelings tend to surface as vague discomfort, physical symptoms, or a flat "I'm fine."
If a partner has said they never quite know where they stand with you, or you go blank when a doctor or therapist asks how you feel, this guide is for you. It covers what alexithymia is and is not, the signs, where it tends to come from, what it does to relationships, and how therapy helps. For many adults in New Jersey and everywhere else, the gap between feeling and language is the quiet reason other efforts at connection keep stalling.
Key takeaways
What does alexithymia mean?
Alexithymia describes a trait in which a person has real, often strong emotions but limited ability to recognize, sort, and put words to them. The term was introduced by psychiatrist Peter Sifneos in the 1970s, after he noticed patients who could describe physical complaints in precise detail yet went quiet when asked what they were feeling.
It is not listed as a disorder in the DSM-5, and it is not a character flaw or a sign of low intelligence. Plenty of people with the trait are perceptive, capable, and well liked. It is also not rare: clinicians encounter the trait regularly, in stronger and milder forms.
Researchers generally describe three parts of the trait:
A spectrum, not a switch
Alexithymia runs on a spectrum. At the mild end, someone fumbles for words mainly under stress and does fine the rest of the time. At the pronounced end, the whole inner landscape reads as static: big life events come and go, everyone around you is visibly moved, and you stand there checking your watch and wondering what is wrong with you. Most people fall somewhere between, and where you fall can shift with stress, sleep, and life circumstances.
Is alexithymia the same as being unemotional?
No. Alexithymia is a problem with recognizing and naming emotions, not an absence of emotions. That distinction matters, because the two get confused constantly, both by the people who have the trait and by the people who love them.
A genuinely low-key person has a quiet inner signal and can usually name it when asked. A person with alexithymia may have a loud inner signal with no label attached. The body still runs the full stress response: heart rate climbs, muscles brace, sleep suffers. The signal gets generated; it just never gets translated.
Imagine a project manager who gets passed over for a promotion. That night her jaw aches, she snaps at her kids over nothing, and she stays up past midnight reorganizing the garage. Ask her what she is feeling and she will tell you, with complete sincerity, "Nothing, really. Just tired." The disappointment and anger are all there. They simply arrived in her body and her behavior instead of her vocabulary.
Aspect: Inner emotional activity
A reserved, low-key temperament: Genuinely mild and steady most of the time
Alexithymia: Often strong, but shows up as tension, restlessness, or sudden reactions rather than named feelings
Aspect: Naming feelings when asked
A reserved, low-key temperament: Can usually do it, even if briefly
Alexithymia: Draws a blank, or a few words like "fine," "stressed," and "tired" stand in for everything
Aspect: Physical stress symptoms
A reserved, low-key temperament: Not typically a stand-in for emotion
Alexithymia: Common during hard seasons: headaches, stomach trouble, muscle tension, disrupted sleep
Aspect: Caring about others
A reserved, low-key temperament: Cares, and can say so when it counts
Alexithymia: Cares deeply, but struggles to express it in words others recognize as caring
Aspect: Distress about the pattern
A reserved, low-key temperament: Usually little; it fits who they are
Alexithymia: Often frustration or confusion, a sense that something is missing that everyone else seems to have
One more distinction worth making: alexithymia is not the same as suppressing feelings on purpose. Someone who suppresses knows what they feel and chooses not to show it. Someone with alexithymia is not withholding anything. There is nothing on the shelf to hand over, at least not yet.
Does it mean low empathy?
Not directly. Empathy involves two layers: noticing what another person feels, and being moved by it. People with alexithymia are often fully capable of the second layer. They care when a friend is struggling and feel the pull to help. The trouble sits in the first layer, because reading emotion in someone else draws on the same skill as reading it in yourself.
In practice this looks like missing subtle cues, or noticing distress and freezing because it is hard to tell what kind of distress it is and what would help. A missed cue is a skills issue, not an indifference issue. The two get conflated all the time, and the conflation does real damage to how people with this trait see themselves.
Common signs of alexithymia
The clearest sign of alexithymia is a repeated gap between what your body and behavior show and what you can say about your inner state. The people around you see the clenched jaw, the pacing, the short answers. You see a normal Tuesday.
In daily life that gap takes recognizable shapes. At a funeral, you deliver a eulogy full of facts and dates while your siblings can barely speak. Facing a major decision, you build a careful pros and cons list because the "gut feeling" everyone references is not something you can locate. When a friend calls in tears, you skip straight to solutions, then feel confused when that lands badly.
Another common pattern is emotion arriving suddenly and at full strength. Because the early, quiet cues get missed, the first time you notice a feeling may be at the boiling point. Anger seems to come out of nowhere. Tears show up during a car commercial. It is not that the feeling appeared instantly; it is that it climbed unnoticed. Unnamed emotions are also harder to manage, which is why this trait so often travels with struggles with emotional regulation: you cannot steady a state you have not detected.
Why many people discover it late
This trait hides well inside a structured life. School rewards facts, work rewards composure, and an externally oriented thinking style looks a lot like professionalism. Someone can go decades being praised as calm and dependable while the gap quietly grows underneath.
What usually exposes it is an event that structure cannot absorb: a grief that will not resolve on schedule, a new baby, a health scare, retirement, or a partner who finally says the marriage feels one-sided. Suddenly the situation demands emotional language, and there is none on hand.
A stalled first attempt at therapy deserves its own mention here. Plenty of people try counseling, sit through open-ended questions about their feelings, produce nothing, and conclude therapy does not work for them. Often the real issue was that the format assumed a skill they had not built yet. Learning the trait has a name tends to reframe that whole experience.
A quick self-check
This is not a diagnostic test, but it can tell you whether the pattern is worth taking seriously. Read the statements and count how many sound like you:
If several of these ring true, it does not mean something is wrong with you. It means there is a specific, workable skill gap involved, and skill gaps respond to practice. A licensed therapist can help you sort out whether alexithymia fits, and whether anything else is contributing.
Where does alexithymia come from?
There is no single cause of alexithymia. Research points to a mix of inborn temperament, differences in how the brain processes emotional signals, and the emotional environment a person grew up in. For most people it is a blend, and the exact recipe matters less than understanding the patterns it created. A few overlaps show up consistently in the research, and they are worth knowing about. Each of these is a correlation, not a guarantee in either direction.
Trauma and early emotional environments
Research consistently links trauma, especially early or prolonged trauma, with higher rates of alexithymia. When feeling was dangerous, not feeling was protective. A child who learns that showing distress brings punishment, ridicule, or chaos may tune out the inner signal entirely, and that tuning-out can persist for decades after the danger has passed. The American Psychological Association's overview of trauma describes how these adaptations outlast the situations that created them.
The environment does not have to be dramatic to leave this mark. In some families nothing terrible happens; feelings simply never come up. No one names them, asks about them, or models talking about them, so the child never builds the internal wiring. If you grew up in a home like that, our upcoming piece on how childhood emotional neglect shapes adult relationships looks at that quieter pathway in depth, and our trauma-focused therapy page describes how we work with both versions.
Alexithymia and autism
Alexithymia occurs at higher rates among autistic people than in the general population, but the two are distinct. Many autistic people identify and describe their emotions well, and most people with the trait are not autistic. Researchers increasingly note that some emotional differences long attributed to autism itself may track more closely with co-occurring alexithymia, which is one reason careful assessment matters more than assumptions.
If you recognize yourself in both descriptions, a structured evaluation can untangle what belongs to what. Our autism testing page explains what that process involves for teens and adults.
Alexithymia and depression
Alexithymia and depression overlap often enough that they can be mistaken for each other. Both can look like flatness, low motivation, and short answers to caring questions. The National Institute of Mental Health's page on depression outlines the symptoms that define it clinically.
The distinction is roughly this: depression is an episode with a beginning, and usually an end, while alexithymia is a longer-standing trait in how emotions get processed. Most people with depression do not have alexithymia, and many people with the trait are never depressed. But when the two co-occur, the trait can hide the illness. Someone who cannot describe inner experience may report only fatigue and poor sleep to their doctor, so the depression underneath goes unrecognized longer than it should.
Stress, burnout, and temporary numbness
Not all difficulty naming feelings is a lifelong trait. Under prolonged stress, many people go numb for a season. Burnout, sleep deprivation, and fresh grief can each flatten inner experience in ways that look like alexithymia from the outside but ease when the load lifts. Clinicians sometimes distinguish between the stable, long-standing version and this more temporary, situational one.
The useful question is history. If words for feelings used to come and recently stopped, that points toward the load rather than the wiring, and it is worth mentioning to a professional in exactly those terms. If the words have never really been there, the rest of this article probably sounds familiar.
What alexithymia does to your closest relationships
In relationships, alexithymia tends to read as distance, even when the person cares deeply. The words that would carry the caring across the gap are the exact words that will not come, so each partner ends up working from the wrong story about the other.
A familiar loop takes hold. One partner asks for more emotional sharing. The other genuinely searches, finds nothing to report, and offers logistics or silence instead. The first partner concludes "I do not matter enough for real answers." The second concludes "nothing I do is ever enough." Both are wrong, both are hurt, and neither has the information that would break the loop: there was no hidden answer being withheld.
Conflict has its own version. Imagine a couple where every argument follows the same script: she raises a concern, he goes quiet and logical, his calm reads to her as indifference, she raises the volume to reach him, and he shuts down further because his body is flooding even though his face shows nothing. They are not fighting about the dishes anymore. They are fighting about the fight, and alexithymia is the invisible third party in the room.
Friendships and family relationships feel it too, usually more quietly. Connections stay activity-based, built around golf, errands, and shows, and drift when life gets hard and the currency switches to emotional support. Parents with the trait often describe a specific ache: wanting to comfort a crying child and having no idea what to say, because no one ever said it to them. Naming feelings out loud for your kids ("you seem disappointed the party ended") builds their vocabulary and, over time, yours.
It is worth saying plainly that the person with alexithymia is not the villain of this story, and is usually lonely inside it too. Being told you do not care, when you do care and cannot prove it, is its own kind of painful.
Beyond home: work, health care, and everyday decisions
Alexithymia shapes more than close relationships; it also affects how you use health care, how your career unfolds, and how you make decisions. These effects are less discussed than the relationship strain, but for many people they are the ones with practical consequences first.
In the doctor's office. Medical care runs partly on self-report, and self-report is exactly the weak channel. Someone who registers stress only as headaches, chest tightness, or stomach trouble will describe headaches, chest tightness, and stomach trouble, so appointments chase physical explanations while the stress driving the symptoms stays off the table. Telling a physician "I have trouble describing my inner state, so I may be underreporting" is a genuinely useful sentence.
At work. The trait can function as an asset early on. Staying steady in a crisis, sticking to facts under pressure, and keeping feelings out of decisions all read as strengths, and in some roles they are. The costs surface later and higher up, where the job becomes reading a room, delivering feedback that lands, or mentoring someone through a rough patch. Burnout is a particular risk, because the early internal warnings go unnoticed until the body forces the issue.
In decisions. Gut feelings carry real information, a running summary of things you have noticed but not consciously processed. Without access to that channel, decisions lean entirely on rules and lists. That works fine for comparing insurance plans. It works less well for choosing between two good job offers, or sensing that a relationship has been drifting for a year.
How therapy builds an emotional vocabulary
Therapy helps with alexithymia by treating emotional awareness as a learnable skill and building it in small, repeatable steps. You do not need to arrive fluent, and you do not need to know what you feel to start. A good therapist expects the blank; working with it is the job.
If the idea of an hour of feelings talk sounds like your nightmare, that is a common and reasonable reaction. Early sessions rarely look like that. Here is the general arc many people follow. Our guide to what to expect from your first therapy sessions walks through the practical side.
Step 1: Start with the body, not the feelings
For most people with this trait, the body is the most reliable messenger available, so that is where the work begins. You and your therapist build a map of your physical tells: the jaw that tightens in certain meetings, the stomach that knots on Sunday nights, the fatigue that follows visits with a particular relative. No feeling words required yet. You are just collecting data.
Step 2: Borrow words until your own arrive
Next comes vocabulary, on loan. Therapists use feeling lists and similar tools so you can point rather than produce. Over time you start making finer distinctions: irritated is not the same as resentful, and neither is the same as overloaded, even though all three sit in the chest like static. Precision matters, because each of those states calls for a different response.
Step 3: Connect events, sensations, and reactions
Then the map and the words get linked to your actual week. The headache started Tuesday afternoon; what happened Tuesday morning? You reorganized the garage again; what came right before? These review conversations slowly build the cause-and-effect wiring that other people absorbed in childhood. Research summarized by the American Psychological Association on how psychotherapy works supports this kind of structured, skills-based practice.
Step 4: Say it out loud somewhere safe
The therapy relationship itself becomes the practice field. Saying "I think I felt embarrassed in that meeting" to a therapist is a low-stakes rep, and reps are the whole game. Nothing bad happens. The words get easier. This is often the first relationship where someone with the trait experiences being emotionally understood, and that experience is part of what makes the next step possible.
Step 5: Bring it home
Finally, the skills move into real relationships: telling a partner "I need a minute, I am flooded" instead of going silent, or naming a feeling for your child at bedtime. Some couples do a few joint sessions at this stage so the partner understands the trait and stops reading the gap as rejection. In individual therapy, this stage is where the work starts paying visible dividends at home.
What you can practice between sessions
Small daily reps matter as much as the sessions themselves. A few that therapists commonly assign:
These tools support the work; they do not replace it. The out-loud reps inside a safe relationship tend to carry the most weight, which is why the therapy itself matters.
Progress is gradual, and it is measured in ordinary moments rather than breakthroughs: catching a feeling the same day instead of a week later, or pausing an argument before the shutdown. Many people find the trait softens meaningfully with steady practice over months, not weeks. That timeline is real, and worth it.
Frequently asked questions
How is alexithymia measured?
Clinicians and researchers typically use brief standardized questionnaires, such as the Toronto Alexithymia Scale, alongside a clinical interview. These tools screen for difficulty identifying feelings, difficulty describing them, and a strongly fact-focused thinking style. They are screening measures rather than diagnostic tests, since alexithymia is a trait, not a formal disorder in the DSM-5.
Can you have alexithymia and still cry?
Yes. Alexithymia affects recognizing and naming emotion, not whether the body expresses it. Some people with the trait cry easily but cannot explain what the tears are about, which can feel unsettling. Others rarely cry at all. Both patterns fit within the trait, and neither means the underlying feelings are absent.
Is alexithymia more common in men?
Research suggests it is somewhat more common in men, and social rules that discourage boys from talking about feelings likely contribute. It appears in every gender, though. Women with the trait are sometimes overlooked precisely because people around them assume women are naturally fluent with emotions, so their blankness gets read as coldness instead.
Does alexithymia go away on its own?
Usually not. As a trait, it tends to stay fairly stable without deliberate practice, and stressful seasons can make it more pronounced. It does respond to skills work, though. Many people find their emotional vocabulary grows steadily once they start practicing, in therapy or with structured tools, the way any unused skill develops with repetition.
Is there a medication for alexithymia?
No medication targets alexithymia itself. When depression or anxiety occurs alongside it, treating those conditions can make the awareness work easier, and a therapist can help you decide whether a medication evaluation makes sense for those concerns. The core work of building emotional awareness remains skills-based, through therapy and everyday practice.
Ready to find words for what you feel? Inner Clarity can help
Our clinicians work with adults who feel things deeply but were never taught how to say so. In individual therapy, you can build an emotional vocabulary at your own pace, with a therapist who will not rush you or expect fluency on day one. The blank you hit when someone asks how you feel is a starting point we know well.
Inner Clarity offers in-person therapy in Hazlet, Tinton Falls, Bordentown, Toms River, and Maplewood, along with online sessions across New Jersey. Request an appointment and we will match you with a clinician who fits how you actually communicate, not how therapy clients are supposed to.
The ADHD iceberg shows why quick screeners miss so much. Learn what a full evaluation maps, how testing differs for teens and adults, and what comes next.
The ADHD iceberg is a popular way of describing how ADHD works: a small set of visible behaviors sits above the waterline, while the traits that actually drive those behaviors stay hidden underneath. A formal ADHD evaluation exists to map that hidden portion, which a quick checklist or a brief screening conversation cannot reach.
Key takeaways
Many people in New Jersey first hear about the ADHD iceberg on social media, then wonder whether the hidden symptoms they recognize in themselves or their teen would show up in real testing. This article walks through the evaluation pathway step by step: what prompts a referral, what the process involves, how it differs by age, and what happens once the results are in.
Why the ADHD iceberg is a useful map for testing
The ADHD iceberg is an informal model, not a medical term: it separates the behaviors other people can observe from the internal experiences that produce them, and that split matches how evaluations are built. You will not find "iceberg" anywhere in the DSM-5, the manual clinicians use to diagnose ADHD. What you will find is a diagnosis defined by patterns of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity, which the National Institute of Mental Health describes in detail.
Here is why the image still earns its popularity. The diagnostic criteria describe observable symptoms, but the day-to-day weight of ADHD often comes from things the criteria only imply: the mental effort of starting a task, the sense of time slipping away, the fatigue of holding it all together in public. A brief screener samples the surface. A comprehensive evaluation is designed to measure what sits underneath, and to figure out whether ADHD, something else, or a combination best explains it.
That distinction matters in practice. Two people can look identical above the waterline, both missing deadlines and losing track of tasks, while the causes below the waterline differ completely. Testing is how a clinician tells those stories apart.
The surface: signs that usually prompt a referral
Most ADHD evaluations begin with a visible pattern that someone finally decides to take seriously. The referral rarely starts with the hidden symptoms, because by definition those are hard for anyone else to see.
For teens, the prompt often comes from school. Common examples include:
For adults, the prompt is usually a life transition that overwhelms old coping strategies. A promotion that adds planning responsibilities, a move, a new baby, or a return to school can each expose difficulties that a familiar routine had been quietly absorbing. Some adults start asking questions after their own child is evaluated and the parent recognizes the pattern in themselves.
Notice what these prompts have in common: they are all downstream effects. The missed deadline is visible. The reason it was missed, whether that is time perception, working memory, distractibility, anxiety, low mood, or sleep, is not. That is precisely the gap an evaluation is built to close.
What happens during a formal ADHD evaluation?
A formal ADHD evaluation is a structured process that typically spans several appointments and combines interviews, standardized questionnaires, records review, and often direct testing of attention and related skills. At Inner Clarity's ADHD and autism testing service, for example, the process moves through intake, testing, and a feedback session where results are explained in plain language. Here is what each layer contributes.
The clinical interview
The evaluation starts with a detailed conversation about current concerns, developmental history, school and work history, medical background, sleep, and family history. This is longer and more specific than a typical doctor's visit. Expect questions about childhood, because ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition: the evaluator is looking for evidence that traits were present early, even if nobody named them at the time.
Standardized rating scales
You, and often people who know you well, complete validated questionnaires that compare your experiences against established norms. These scales turn "I lose track of things a lot" into a score that can be weighed against what is typical for your age. They also screen for conditions that overlap with ADHD, which keeps the process from tunneling on one explanation too early.
Collateral input
Because hidden symptoms are, by nature, self-reported, evaluators look for outside corroboration. For a teen that usually means parent and teacher questionnaires and school records. For an adult it might mean a partner's observations, old report cards, or performance reviews. Collateral input is one of the clearest differences between a real evaluation and an online quiz.
Cognitive and executive function measures
Many evaluations, including comprehensive ADHD testing, add standardized tasks that measure attention, working memory, processing speed, and related skills directly. These measures do not diagnose ADHD on their own. What they do is characterize how your thinking works under structured conditions, which helps explain the pattern behind the symptoms and rules competing explanations in or out.
Feedback and the written report
The process ends with a feedback session and a written report that states the conclusion, explains the reasoning, and lays out recommendations. If the evaluation supports accommodations at school or work, the report is the document that makes those requests concrete.
The hidden layers testing brings into view
A thorough evaluation maps the parts of ADHD that never show up in a hallway conversation, and those findings usually shape the recommendations more than the visible symptoms do. Four layers come up again and again.
Executive function in daily life
Executive functions are the management skills of the brain: planning, prioritizing, starting tasks, holding steps in mind, and shifting between activities. An evaluation examines these directly and through history. This is often where the report gets specific in useful ways, distinguishing, for example, a working memory bottleneck from a task initiation problem. The distinction changes what actually helps.
Effort and compensation
Many people who reach a testing appointment have spent years building private workarounds: elaborate reminder systems, working late to redo rushed work, avoiding roles that require sustained paperwork. On the surface they look fine, which is exactly why screeners miss them. A careful interview measures the cost of looking fine, and that cost is clinically meaningful evidence.
Emotional experience
Frustration that spikes quickly, discouragement after small setbacks, and shame accumulated over years of "try harder" feedback are common threads in ADHD histories. An evaluation asks about this layer both because it affects quality of life and because it helps with the differential: emotional patterns look different in ADHD than in a primary mood or anxiety condition, and clarifying that difference is part of the job.
Sleep, health, and co-occurring conditions
Evaluators routinely assess sleep, substance use, medical factors, learning differences, and other mental health conditions. This is not padding. Several of these can mimic ADHD, several commonly travel with it, and the treatment plan depends on which situation you are in. A conclusion like "ADHD plus a reading disorder" or "sleep-driven attention problems, not ADHD" is a success for the process, because it points at the right target.
Screener vs. full evaluation: what each one sees
A quick screening tool checks the waterline; a comprehensive evaluation charts what is underneath it. The table below recasts the classic iceberg through that lens.
Area: Attention
What a brief screener sees: "Often distracted" checked on a form
What a full evaluation maps: When focus holds and when it collapses, measured performance on attention tasks, and the role of interest and deadline pressure
Area: Organization and time
What a brief screener sees: Missed deadlines, lateness, lost items
What a full evaluation maps: Which executive skills are strained, how time is estimated and tracked, and which compensations are already in use
Area: Emotions
What a brief screener sees: Usually not asked about at all
What a full evaluation maps: Frustration tolerance, response to setbacks, and whether the emotional pattern fits ADHD or points elsewhere
Area: History
What a brief screener sees: Current symptoms only
What a full evaluation maps: Childhood evidence, school records, report card comments, and observations from family or teachers
Area: Other explanations
What a brief screener sees: Not addressed
What a full evaluation maps: Sleep, mood, anxiety, learning differences, and medical factors weighed as alternatives or co-occurring conditions
Area: Strengths
What a brief screener sees: Not addressed
What a full evaluation maps: Cognitive strengths and interests that recommendations can be built around
Screeners are still useful. They are fast, inexpensive, and good at flagging who should look closer. The mistake is treating a screener result, positive or negative, as the final word on a question it was never designed to answer.
How is an ADHD evaluation different for teens and adults?
The core logic of the evaluation stays the same at any age, but the sources of evidence and the stakes attached to the report change. Knowing what to expect for your situation makes the process less intimidating.
Evaluating teens
With a teenager, the evaluator has something valuable: the childhood is recent and well documented. Parents can describe early development firsthand, current teachers can complete rating scales, and school records are easy to pull. Guidance from the MedlinePlus ADHD resources emphasizes gathering information from multiple settings, and teen evaluations lean on that principle heavily: a pattern that appears at school, at home, and in activities means more than one that appears in a single place.
Teen reports also carry practical weight. A documented diagnosis can support a 504 plan or IEP evaluation, extended time on standardized tests, and concrete classroom accommodations. Timing matters here: putting supports in place before junior year exam season is far easier than scrambling during it.
One caution specific to teens: adolescence brings its own turbulence, and sleep deprivation, mood changes, and screen habits can all look like attention problems. A careful evaluation takes the developmental context seriously rather than reading every symptom as ADHD.
Evaluating adults
With adults, the evidence is older and more scattered, so the evaluation works more like reconstruction. The clinician gathers childhood history from memory, from family members when possible, and from artifacts like report cards. Adults also arrive with decades of compensations, which can mask symptoms on the surface while the effort underneath tells the real story. If you want a deeper look at how the adult pathway works from first suspicion through next steps, our guide to adult ADHD signs and testing covers it in detail.
Adult reports open different doors: workplace accommodations, academic supports for graduate or professional programs, and a documented foundation for treatment decisions. For many adults the largest benefit is explanatory. A clear profile reframes years of self-criticism as a describable, addressable difference in how their brain manages attention and effort.
What happens after the results?
The evaluation ends with a feedback session, a written report, and a set of recommendations, and that is where the map becomes a plan. Three outcomes are common, and each one is genuinely useful.
If the result is ADHD: the report typically recommends a combination of supports matched to your profile. That can include therapy focused on skills and ADHD-related patterns, coaching-style structures for planning and follow-through, school or workplace accommodations, and a conversation with a prescriber about whether medication belongs in the plan. National organizations like CHADD also offer education and support communities for individuals and families adjusting to a new diagnosis.
If the result is something else: the process has still done its job. Learning that the attention problems trace back to anxiety, depression, a learning difference, or a sleep issue redirects treatment toward the real driver instead of leaving you to troubleshoot the wrong problem.
If the result is mixed: ADHD frequently co-occurs with other conditions, and reports often name more than one contributor. In that case the recommendations usually sequence the work: which piece to address first, and how the parts interact.
Whatever the outcome, the report is a living document. Share it with the professionals who support you, revisit it when circumstances change, and treat the recommendations as a starting lineup rather than a finished game. Many people find that pairing the evaluation with ongoing therapy, where the findings get translated into week-by-week practice, is what turns insight into change. Inner Clarity's therapist matching process can pair you with a clinician who fits both the findings and your preferences.
Frequently asked questions
Is the ADHD iceberg an official medical term?
No. The ADHD iceberg is an informal teaching image, not a DSM-5 diagnosis or clinical category. Clinicians diagnose ADHD using established criteria for inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. The iceberg simply illustrates why a thorough evaluation looks past the most visible behaviors to the underlying patterns that drive them.
How many appointments does an ADHD evaluation involve?
Most comprehensive evaluations span two to four appointments over a few weeks: an intake interview, one or more testing sessions, and a feedback meeting. Questionnaires for you and for family or teachers are completed between visits. Timelines vary by practice and by how much outside information, like school records, needs to be gathered.
Do I need a doctor's referral before scheduling an evaluation?
Usually not. In most cases you can contact a psychological testing practice directly and request an ADHD evaluation for yourself or your teen. Some insurance plans do require a referral or preauthorization for testing, so it is worth checking your specific benefits before your first appointment.
Can testing tell ADHD apart from anxiety or a learning difference?
That distinction is one of the main reasons comprehensive testing exists. The combination of history, rating scales, and cognitive measures lets an evaluator weigh competing explanations instead of assuming one. Reports often address several possibilities directly, stating which conditions are present, which were ruled out, and how they interact.
What should I bring to a testing appointment?
Helpful materials include old report cards or transcripts, prior evaluations or IEP and 504 documents, a list of current medications, and notes on your main concerns with specific examples. For teens, recent school communications are valuable. None of these are required, but each one gives the evaluator more evidence to work with.
ADHD testing at Inner Clarity: serving families across New Jersey
If the hidden side of the iceberg sounds familiar, an evaluation can replace years of guessing with a clear picture. Our clinicians provide comprehensive ADHD testing for teens and adults, explain the results in plain language, and help you turn the findings into a workable plan.
We see clients in person in Hazlet, Tinton Falls, Bordentown, Toms River, and Maplewood, and online throughout New Jersey. When you are ready, you can request an appointment and we will help you take the first step.
Childhood emotional neglect can quietly shape how you connect with your partner and your kids. Learn how it differs from abuse and where healing starts.
Childhood emotional neglect happens when a child's feelings are consistently overlooked, minimized, or left unanswered by the adults raising them. Nothing visibly harmful has to occur; the wound comes from what was missing. Because it is an absence rather than an event, many people first notice its effects years later, in their closest adult relationships.
If this describes your childhood, you may see the pattern most clearly in your marriage, your friendships, or the way you react to your own children's feelings. This article looks at how childhood emotional neglect differs from abuse, how it tends to show up with partners and kids, and what changing the pattern can look like, including therapy options here in New Jersey.
Key takeaways
What is childhood emotional neglect?
Childhood emotional neglect is a pattern in which caregivers fail to notice, name, or respond to a child's emotional needs often enough for the child to learn that feelings matter. The term is descriptive rather than diagnostic: you will not find it as a condition in the DSM-5, but clinicians use it constantly because it captures something real that other labels miss.
What makes it confusing is that everything visible may have been fine. Meals were cooked, rides were given, birthdays were celebrated. The parents may have been decent people who were overworked, depressed, grieving, or simply raised the same way themselves. Emotional neglect rarely announces itself as cruelty. More often it looks like a household where feelings were beside the point.
Children need more than physical care to develop emotionally. They need someone to notice when something is off, ask about it, help put words to it, and stay present while it passes. When those responses arrive often enough, a child learns three quiet lessons: my feelings are real, my feelings make sense, and my feelings bring people toward me rather than away. When those responses are missing, the child draws the opposite conclusions and, sensibly, stops bringing feelings to anyone. That adaptation works in childhood. It becomes a problem in adult relationships, where closeness runs on exactly the skills that were never practiced.
Emotional neglect vs. emotional abuse: what is the difference?
The simplest way to hold the distinction: abuse is an act committed against a child, while emotional neglect is a response that never comes. Abuse is presence, something added to a childhood that should not have been there. Neglect is absence, something that should have been there and was not. Both can leave lasting marks, and research on early adversity treats both as significant, as summarized in the American Psychological Association's trauma resources.
This difference in kind produces a difference in memory, and memory is where many adults get stuck. Abuse tends to leave scenes: specific incidents a person can point to and say, that was wrong. Neglect leaves almost nothing to point to. There is no moment when the caregiver failed loudly; there are thousands of moments when nothing happened. Adults from these homes often say some version of "I had a fine childhood, so why am I like this?" The lack of evidence becomes its own trap, because the injury was the lack.
The lessons a child absorbs also differ. Emotional abuse tends to teach "my feelings are dangerous" or "I am bad." Emotional neglect tends to teach "my feelings are irrelevant" or "I am on my own." One child grows into an adult braced for attack; the other grows into an adult who does not expect to be seen at all, and quietly arranges life so that no one has to see them. Plenty of people carry both, because neglect and abuse can share a house.
One more distinction matters. Abuse implies something went badly wrong in the caregiver's behavior. Neglect does not require malice, and recognizing it does not require deciding your parents were bad people. Many parents who emotionally neglected their children were emotionally neglected themselves and gave what they had. Naming the pattern is about accuracy, not blame, and accuracy is what makes the right kind of healing possible.
Getting this distinction right changes the therapy. Healing from abuse centers on processing what happened and unlearning fear. Healing from neglect centers on building what never got built: noticing feelings, naming them, and expecting people to respond. If you have spent years in therapy talking about events and still feel oddly unchanged, it may be because the events were never the injury. The silence around them was.
What it involves
Emotional abuse: Acts done to the child: criticism, humiliation, threats, blame
Childhood emotional neglect: Responses missing from the child's life: feelings unnoticed, unnamed, unanswered
What the child learns
Emotional abuse: "My feelings are dangerous" or "I am bad"
Childhood emotional neglect: "My feelings do not matter" or "I am on my own"
What memory holds
Emotional abuse: Specific incidents that can be recalled and named
Childhood emotional neglect: Few specific memories; a vague sense that something was missing
Common adult echo
Emotional abuse: Guardedness, fear of anger, bracing for attack
Childhood emotional neglect: Numbness, extreme self-reliance, trouble knowing or stating needs
How it gets recognized
Emotional abuse: Easier to identify; the events supply the evidence
Childhood emotional neglect: Often invisible; adults doubt themselves because "nothing happened"
How can you tell this was part of your childhood?
Most adults who grew up with emotional neglect describe a recognizable cluster: a sense of being on the outside of their own life, discomfort asking for help, a harsh inner critic, and feelings that register as static or blankness rather than as anything nameable. A few quick markers people often recognize:
A full inventory of adult signs is a topic of its own. For this article, the more useful question is where these patterns cost the most, and for most people the answer is the same place: at home, with a partner and with children.
How childhood emotional neglect shows up with your partner
In couples, childhood emotional neglect usually looks like distance that neither person can explain: one partner seems steady, capable, and low-maintenance but hard to reach, while the other feels increasingly alone in the relationship. Neither of them chose this dynamic. It runs on skills one of them was never taught.
Imagine a couple ten years in. He handles the finances, the repairs, the emergencies; friends describe him as a rock. She has stopped asking how he is doing because the answer is always "fine," delivered kindly and completely closed. When she finally says she feels lonely in the marriage, he is blindsided. By every measure he was taught to use, he has been a good husband. The measure no one taught him is the one she is starving on.
Asking for what you need feels impossible
To ask for something, you first have to know you want it. Children whose needs were consistently overlooked often stop registering their own needs, so as adults they answer "what do you need?" with a genuine blank. Their partner hears the blank as withholding. Some people also have real difficulty putting any feeling into words, a pattern called alexithymia, which we explore in a separate article on why feelings can be hard to name. Either way, the request that would fix a hard week never gets made, and resentment grows in the space where the words should have been.
Conflict ends in shutdown, not resolution
If expressing feelings never brought a response in childhood, the nervous system files emotional confrontation under pointless or unsafe. So when an argument heats up, you may go quiet, flat, or foggy. From the inside this is overload; from the outside it reads as stonewalling or indifference, which tends to escalate the other partner. Couples can stay stuck in this loop for years. Work on emotional regulation targets exactly this reflex: noticing the shutdown earlier, staying present a little longer, and returning to the conversation instead of abandoning it.
Intimacy feels like exposure
Many adults from emotionally neglectful homes are generous, loyal, and attentive. They show love through doing: working, fixing, providing, remembering the practical details. What they cannot easily do is be known. Sharing an inner life feels less like closeness and more like standing in the open. Partners often report a strange loneliness: "I know he loves me. I just do not know him." The love is real. The channel for expressing it was never built.
Self-reliance becomes the whole personality
The child who learned "I am on my own" often becomes an adult who is proud of needing nothing. That competence attracts partners, then frustrates them, because a relationship with someone who never needs anything has no way in. Some people pair with partners who also avoid feelings, and the relationship goes quiet. Others pair with a pursuer, and the relationship becomes a chase. In both cases, couples therapy can give the two of you a structured place to change the pattern together rather than assigning one person all the homework.
How it shapes the way you parent
Parents who grew up with emotional neglect often find that their child's emotions land on the exact spot where their own were never handled. This is usually where the pattern becomes visible for the first time, because children bring feelings at full volume, without tact, at inconvenient moments, and they do not stop.
Imagine a parent who was never comforted as a child. When her four-year-old melts down over the wrong color cup, she feels something surge that seems far bigger than the moment: panic, irritation, an urge to get away or make it stop. She is not reacting to the cup. She is reacting to crying itself, an experience her own childhood taught her leads nowhere, and her system floods.
From that flooded place, familiar moves follow. Some parents minimize: "You're fine, it's not a big deal." Some fix and distract at high speed so the feeling never fully lands. Some quietly reward their most low-maintenance child for being easy, passing the lesson forward. And some over-correct into the opposite: unable to tolerate their child's disappointment, they remove every obstacle, which leaves the child with no practice handling hard feelings either. Different behaviors, same root.
Here is the part worth sitting with: noticing any of this means the pattern is already weakening. Your parents likely never observed themselves this way. And what children need is not a parent with a perfect emotional repertoire. Research on child development, summarized in the APA's parenting resources, points to something more forgiving: children build emotional skills through ordinary, repeated moments of a caregiver noticing, naming, and staying, and through repair when the caregiver misses. Missing is expected. Repair is the skill.
In practice, changing the pattern looks small. Saying "you seem frustrated" instead of "you're fine." Letting a cry run its course while you stay in the room. Coming back after you snapped and saying, "I got overwhelmed, and that was not about you." When the pattern involves the whole household, or an older child has already learned to keep feelings hidden, family therapy can bring the change into the room where the family actually lives.
Can the pattern be changed?
Yes. What was learned through thousands of small moments can be revised the same way, and therapy is one of the most direct places to start. Emotional neglect is increasingly addressed within trauma-focused therapy, because trauma-informed care understands something this wound requires: you do not need a dramatic event in your history for your history to be shaping you.
Early sessions are usually quieter than people expect. A therapist working with emotional neglect does not push you to produce feelings on command; that would repeat the original problem in reverse. Instead, the first stretch of work is often about slowing down enough to notice what is actually happening in you, sometimes starting with body sensations, since tension, fatigue, and restlessness tend to be the first signals that come back online. For someone who has spent decades being the composed one, having another person stay curious about their inner life, week after week, is itself an unfamiliar experience, and part of the treatment.
The work itself is practical. It usually includes building a feelings vocabulary from scratch, learning to read the body's signals before they become a shutdown, treating your own needs as legitimate data rather than impositions, and practicing saying things out loud that you have never said to anyone. For many people it also includes grief, plainly named: sadness for the child who handled everything alone. That grief tends to arrive once, fully, and then stop running the show from the background.
Progress is gradual and rarely dramatic, which fits the injury; nothing about emotional neglect was dramatic either. Many people find the first change shows up at home before it shows up in session: a need stated without apology, an argument that ends in conversation instead of silence, a child's meltdown that gets met with steadiness. Daily habits that support mental health, the kind outlined in the National Institute of Mental Health's self-care overview, help hold those gains between sessions.
Frequently asked questions
Can emotional neglect from childhood strain a marriage even when both partners love each other?
Yes, because the problem is rarely love. Emotional neglect teaches a child to keep feelings private, so you can love your partner deeply while sharing almost none of your inner life. Partners tend to experience that privacy as distance. The work is not manufacturing feeling; it is learning to express what is already there.
Why do I go blank or shut down during arguments with my partner?
Going blank is a learned protection. If expressing feelings brought no response in childhood, your system may treat emotional conflict as pointless or unsafe and switch off under pressure. Your partner may read the silence as indifference when it is actually overload. Naming it out loud, "I shut down, I am not ignoring you," can change how arguments end.
How do I explain childhood emotional neglect to my partner?
Keep it concrete. You might say the adults who raised you rarely asked how you felt, so you never got practice putting feelings into words, and your quietness is an old habit rather than a verdict on the relationship. Sharing an article like this one, or inviting your partner into a session, often explains more than a definition can.
Will I automatically repeat the pattern with my own kids?
No. Repetition relies on the pattern staying invisible, and yours is not invisible anymore. Parents who notice their discomfort with a child's feelings are already doing what their own caregivers did not: paying attention. Small consistent habits, naming feelings and repairing after hard moments, count for more than perfection, and support makes them easier to build.
Should I start with individual therapy or couples therapy?
Follow the loudest strain. If what you mostly notice is numbness, self-criticism, or not knowing what you feel, individual trauma-focused therapy is a reasonable first step. If conflict and distance with your partner are the main concern, couples therapy addresses the pattern where it lives. Many people use both at different points, and either can come first.
Do I have to confront my parents in order to heal?
No. Healing happens mostly inside you and your current relationships, not in a confrontation. Some adults eventually choose a conversation with their parents; many decide against it, especially since their parents were often raised the same way. Therapy can help you decide what kind of contact, if any, serves you now, without treating any choice as required.
Talk with a trauma-focused therapist at Inner Clarity in New Jersey
If you recognized yourself in this article, in the partner who cannot find the words or the parent caught off guard by a meltdown, that recognition is worth acting on. Our clinicians provide trauma-focused therapy that treats emotional neglect as the real injury it is, with offices in Hazlet, Tinton Falls, Bordentown, Toms River, and Maplewood, plus online sessions across New Jersey.
You do not need a rehearsed explanation of your childhood to begin; figuring out what happened is part of the work, not a prerequisite for it. When you are ready, you can request an appointment and we will help match you with a therapist who fits.
Adult ADHD often goes unrecognized, especially in women. Learn the signs, what ADHD testing involves step by step, and what happens after a diagnosis.
ADHD in adults rarely looks like the childhood stereotype. Instead of visible hyperactivity, it tends to show up as chronic disorganization, missed deadlines, mental restlessness, and trouble following through on things you genuinely care about. Formal ADHD testing gives adults a clear answer through a clinical interview, standardized rating scales, and attention measures, then points to what comes next.
Many adults across New Jersey spend years managing these patterns on their own, often assuming they are personal flaws rather than symptoms of a well-understood condition. This guide walks through how adult ADHD presents, why so many people reach their thirties or forties without a diagnosis, what a full evaluation involves step by step, and what actually happens after the results come back.
Key takeaways
What does ADHD look like in adults?
Adult ADHD most often shows up as trouble with attention, organization, and self-regulation that has been present since childhood, even if nobody named it back then. The hyperactive piece, when it exists at all, tends to move inward with age: less running around the room, more of a mind that will not sit down.
In day-to-day life, that can look like:
Clinicians describe three presentations of ADHD: predominantly inattentive, predominantly hyperactive-impulsive, and combined. Adults are most often diagnosed with the inattentive or combined presentation, and the same person's presentation can shift over the years. Hyperfocus deserves a mention here too. Many adults with ADHD can lock onto an absorbing task for hours, and they sometimes take that as proof they could not have an attention disorder. It is not. ADHD is better understood as difficulty directing attention on demand than as a simple shortage of attention.
None of these, on its own, means you have ADHD. Everyone loses keys and procrastinates sometimes. The pattern matters: symptoms that started early, show up in more than one area of life, and keep costing you things you care about, such as jobs, grades, money, or relationships. The National Institute of Mental Health's ADHD overview describes these core symptom areas, inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity, and how they shift across the lifespan.
Why do so many adults reach midlife without a diagnosis?
Adults get missed because ADHD was long treated as a childhood condition, because many people build coping systems that hide the struggle, and because the symptoms are easy to mistake for anxiety, depression, or personality. Awareness of ADHD in children has grown for decades, but many of today's adults grew up before teachers and pediatricians were looking for it, especially in quieter kids.
Why women are diagnosed later
Girls with ADHD are more likely to show inattentive symptoms: daydreaming, disorganization, quietly falling behind. A distracted girl who stares out the window causes no classroom disruption, so no one flags her. Research consistently finds that girls and women are diagnosed later, on average, than boys and men, and many women first consider ADHD only after their own child is evaluated and the checklist sounds uncomfortably familiar.
There is also a masking effect. Many women describe working twice as hard behind the scenes, over-preparing, over-apologizing, and running elaborate reminder systems, to appear as organized as everyone else seems to be effortlessly. The effort is invisible; only the occasional slip shows. Years of that gap between effort and result often get misread, by the woman herself and by professionals, as anxiety or low self-esteem rather than the condition underneath both.
When coping skills hide the struggle
School is a highly structured environment: fixed schedules, external deadlines, adults checking your work. Plenty of bright students with ADHD do fine inside that scaffolding. The trouble starts when the structure falls away, at college, in a first job with self-directed projects, or when parenthood multiplies the number of things one brain has to track.
Imagine a manager in her late thirties who was a strong student, now missing report deadlines, double-booking meetings, and lying awake replaying small mistakes. Nothing about her looks like the stereotypical hyperactive child, which is exactly why nobody, including her, has ever said the word ADHD out loud. Stories like that hypothetical one are common in adult evaluations.
Look-alike and co-occurring conditions
ADHD frequently travels with anxiety and depression, and each can hide the others. Some adults spend years in treatment for anxiety that improves only partially, because the untreated ADHD keeps generating the missed deadlines and dropped balls the anxiety feeds on. Sleep problems, thyroid issues, and chronic stress can also mimic attention symptoms, which is one of the strongest arguments for formal ADHD testing rather than self-diagnosis: a good evaluation sorts out what is actually driving the picture.
Childhood stereotype vs. how ADHD shows up in adults
The gap between what people expect ADHD to look like and how it actually presents in adults is one of the main reasons diagnoses come late. The table below puts the two side by side.
The childhood stereotype: Can't sit still, runs and climbs constantly
How it often looks in adults: Inner restlessness; fidgeting through meetings; choosing busy, fast-paced work; difficulty relaxing on purpose
The childhood stereotype: Blurts out answers, interrupts games
How it often looks in adults: Talking over people in conversation, oversharing, then replaying the exchange with regret afterward
The childhood stereotype: Loses homework and toys
How it often looks in adults: Late fees, missed renewals, lost keys and phones, an inbox and a car that both need excavating
The childhood stereotype: Daydreams in class, grades slip
How it often looks in adults: Drifting in long meetings, rereading pages, projects that start strong and stall at 80 percent
The childhood stereotype: Tantrums and acting out
How it often looks in adults: Short fuse under stress, sensitivity to criticism, feeling flooded by ordinary demands
The childhood stereotype: Trouble is obvious to teachers and parents
How it often looks in adults: Struggle is private; colleagues see the polished output, not the all-nighter and the tenth alarm behind it
If the right-hand column reads like a description of your daily life, that is worth paying attention to. It does not confirm ADHD by itself, but it is exactly the pattern an evaluation is designed to examine. Much of that right-hand column also sits below the surface where others cannot see it; our companion piece on the ADHD iceberg and what an evaluation actually uncovers looks at those hidden layers in depth.
Signs it may be time to consider ADHD testing
Testing is worth considering when attention and organization problems are long-standing, show up across settings, and keep costing you real things despite sincere effort. A short self-check, drawn from the patterns clinicians look for:
Notice that severity is not the bar here; persistence and cost are. Plenty of adults talk themselves out of an evaluation because someone else seems to have it worse, or because they are managing, technically, at great personal expense. If several of these boxes sound familiar and the effort of holding everything together has become its own burden, that is reason enough to ask the question properly.
The MedlinePlus ADHD pages are a solid plain-language starting point on symptoms and diagnosis. Reading is useful preparation, but only a qualified clinician can determine whether the pattern meets diagnostic criteria, which is where formal testing comes in. At Inner Clarity, that process runs through our ADHD testing service, which evaluates adults as well as children and teens.
What does adult ADHD testing involve, step by step?
Adult ADHD testing is a structured evaluation, usually spread across a few appointments, that combines a detailed clinical interview, standardized rating scales, and measures of attention and executive functioning, and ends with a feedback session and a written report. Here is how the process typically unfolds.
Step 1: An initial conversation
Things start with a brief intake call or appointment. You describe what has brought you in, the clinician explains how the evaluation works, and together you confirm that testing is the right next step. This is also the place for practical questions about scheduling, cost, and what to bring.
Step 2: The diagnostic interview
The heart of any ADHD evaluation is a thorough clinical interview. Expect detailed questions about your current life (work, home, relationships, driving, finances) and your history going back to childhood, because ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition: diagnostic criteria require that symptoms were present before age 12, even if nobody recognized them at the time. Old report cards, school records, or a parent's recollections can help, though adults without access to those can still be evaluated.
The clinician is listening for more than a symptom checklist. They want to understand how symptoms show up in at least two settings, how much they interfere, and how the timeline fits together.
Step 3: Standardized rating scales
You will complete validated questionnaires that measure ADHD symptoms and related difficulties against established norms. Many evaluations also gather an outside perspective: a partner, parent, or close friend may fill out a version of the same scale, because self-report has blind spots in both directions. Some people underrate lifelong symptoms they consider normal; others overattribute ordinary stress to ADHD.
Step 4: Attention and executive function measures
Depending on the referral question, testing may include performance-based tasks: sustained-attention tests, working memory measures, and other cognitive tasks. These add objective data points to the interview and questionnaires. No single test score diagnoses ADHD; clinicians weigh performance data together with history and rating scales rather than treating any one number as the verdict.
Step 5: Ruling out other explanations
A careful evaluation actively considers what else could produce the same picture: anxiety, depression, trauma history, sleep disorders, substance use, learning differences, or medical issues. This differential step is what separates formal ADHD testing from an online quiz. It also catches co-occurring conditions, which matters because many adults with ADHD have at least one, and a treatment plan that addresses only half the picture tends to underdeliver.
Step 6: Feedback and a written report
The evaluation ends with a feedback session where the clinician walks you through the findings in plain language: whether you meet criteria for ADHD, which presentation, what else showed up, and what they recommend. You also receive a written report. That document is not just a keepsake; it is the paperwork that supports workplace accommodations, academic supports, and informed medication conversations with a prescriber.
How to prepare for your evaluation
You do not need to study for ADHD testing, and trying to present a certain way only muddies the data. A few things genuinely help, though. Gather whatever history you can find: report cards, old performance reviews, notes from earlier therapy. Write down a handful of concrete, recent examples of the problems that brought you in, because specifics are more useful to an evaluator than general impressions.
If a partner, parent, or close friend is willing to share observations, mention that at intake so the clinician can send them a rating scale. Sleep normally the night before, take your usual medications unless the clinician advises otherwise, and answer questions as things are, not as you wish they were. The whole exercise works best when you let it see the unedited version of your life.
Adults are one part of a broader evaluation practice at Inner Clarity; the full scope of our ADHD and autism testing services covers children, teens, and adults, with the process adjusted to the person in front of us.
After the diagnosis: what happens next?
A diagnosis is a starting point, not a finish line. What follows usually involves some emotional processing, then a practical plan built from therapy, accommodations, and sometimes medication.
Making sense of the news
Many adults describe two reactions arriving together: relief, because decades of struggle finally have an explanation that is not a character flaw, and grief, for the years spent working so hard without one. Both are normal. Some people also need time to update the story they have told themselves about laziness or carelessness. Therapy can be a good place to do that updating deliberately rather than letting the old story linger.
There is no deadline for this part, and no required reaction. Some adults also weigh who to tell and when; the diagnosis is yours to share selectively or not at all, and a therapist can help you think through those conversations before you have them.
Therapy and skills support
Therapy for adult ADHD is practical and skills-focused. Clinicians often use approaches adapted from cognitive behavioral therapy to work on planning, prioritizing, time awareness, task initiation, and emotion regulation, and to untangle the self-criticism that builds up after years of undiagnosed symptoms. When anxiety or depression are part of the picture, treatment addresses them alongside the ADHD rather than in isolation. You can read more about how we approach ongoing support on our ADD and ADHD specialty page.
Therapy does not switch off ADHD, and no responsible clinician will promise that. What it can do is shrink the gap between what you intend and what actually happens, and many adults find that gap is where most of the suffering lived.
Accommodations at work and school
A documented diagnosis can support reasonable accommodations. For working adults, that might mean written follow-ups after meetings, quieter workspace options, flexibility in how deadlines are structured, or noise-reducing headphones. For students in college or graduate school, it can mean extended test time or note-taking support through the disability services office. The written report from your evaluation is typically what these processes ask for, which is one more reason a formal evaluation beats an informal impression.
Requesting accommodations is a personal decision as well. Some adults use the documentation right away; others keep it on file until a role or workload changes. Either way, having it moves any future conversation from asking a favor to using an established process.
The medication question
Medication is a personal decision made with a prescriber, and testing does not commit you to it. What the evaluation does is give any future prescriber a well-documented foundation, including what was ruled out. Research consistently supports both medication and behavioral approaches as effective for many adults, and many people do best with a combination. Organizations such as CHADD, a national ADHD support and education nonprofit, offer solid plain-language material on treatment options and host support communities for adults, which many people find valuable alongside professional care.
If the answer is not ADHD
Sometimes testing shows that something else explains the symptoms: an anxiety disorder, depression, a sleep problem, or a combination. That is not a wasted evaluation. You leave with a clearer map of what is actually going on and a set of recommendations matched to it, which beats years of treating the wrong thing.
Frequently asked questions
Can you develop ADHD for the first time as an adult?
By definition, ADHD begins in childhood; diagnostic criteria require symptoms before age 12. What often happens is that symptoms were present but unrecognized, and rising life demands later expose them. If attention problems truly appeared from nowhere in adulthood, an evaluator will look carefully at other causes such as stress, sleep, depression, or medical factors.
How long does the testing process usually take?
Most adult evaluations are spread over a few appointments: an intake conversation, one or more testing and interview sessions, and a feedback session. Individual appointments commonly run about an hour, sometimes longer for testing blocks. From first call to written report, a few weeks is a reasonable expectation, though timelines vary by practice and scheduling.
Do online ADHD quizzes count as a diagnosis?
No. Online screeners can be a useful nudge, and some use legitimate research-based questions, but they cannot rule out look-alike conditions, weigh your history, or provide documentation. Employers, schools, and prescribers rely on a formal evaluation by a qualified clinician. Treat a concerning quiz result as a reason to book an evaluation, not as an answer.
Can I have ADHD if I did well in school?
Yes. Strong ability and heavy effort can mask symptoms for years, especially inside school's built-in structure. Many adults with ADHD were successful students who hit a wall when external scaffolding fell away in college, careers, or parenthood. Evaluators look at how much effort and support your results required, not just the results themselves.
Do I need a referral for ADHD testing in New Jersey?
Generally no. In New Jersey you can typically self-refer directly to a psychologist or therapy practice that offers evaluations, including ours. Some insurance plans have their own referral or authorization rules, so it is worth a quick call to your insurer. Our team can walk you through the practical steps when you reach out.
ADHD testing for adults at Inner Clarity
If this article kept describing your life, an evaluation can replace years of guessing with a clear answer and a plan. Our clinicians provide ADHD testing for adults as well as children and teens, with offices in Hazlet, Tinton Falls, Bordentown, Toms River, and Maplewood, and telehealth available across New Jersey.
Getting started is simple: request an appointment and we will match you with a clinician who fits your needs and schedule. Whatever the evaluation finds, you will leave with a clearer picture and concrete next steps.
How to find a therapist in Monmouth and Ocean County, NJ: local offices, in-person vs online sessions, insurance basics, and how matching helps.
To find a therapist in Monmouth County or Ocean County, NJ, start with three questions: do you want in-person or online sessions, does the therapist treat your specific concern, and do they work with your insurance? Local practices such as Inner Clarity offer offices in Hazlet, Tinton Falls, and Toms River, plus telehealth across New Jersey.
Key takeaways
Where can you see a therapist in Monmouth and Ocean County?
Inner Clarity offers in-person therapy at several points across the Monmouth and Ocean County area, so most residents can find an office within a reasonable drive. In Hazlet there are two offices: one at 22 Village Court and one at 1 Bethany Road. The practice also sees clients in Tinton Falls and, for Ocean County residents, in Toms River.
If you live in a nearby town such as Middletown, the Hazlet offices are usually the closest option. Beyond the Monmouth and Ocean footprint, Inner Clarity also serves clients in Bordentown and Maplewood, with the Maplewood area also serving surrounding Essex and Union County communities including Short Hills, Millburn, Summit, Springfield, and South Orange.
You can see the full office list on the New Jersey offices page, browse every community served on the locations page, or read about online therapy across New Jersey if there is no office near you.
How do you choose the right local therapist?
Choosing a therapist comes down to four checks: a New Jersey license, experience with your specific concern, an approach that fits how you want to work, and practical logistics like location and schedule. Here is how to think through each one.
Confirm licensure in New Jersey
Every therapist you consider should hold an active New Jersey license, whether that is an LPC, LCSW, LMFT, psychologist, or an associate-level clinician working under supervision. Licensure means the state has verified their training and holds them to professional standards. For online sessions, the therapist must be licensed in the state where you are located during the appointment, so NJ residents should look for NJ-licensed clinicians.
Match the specialty to your concern
A counselor in Toms River who mainly sees couples may not be the best fit for a teen with school anxiety, and vice versa. Look for a clinician who regularly treats what you are coming in for, whether that is anxiety, depression, grief, trauma, relationship strain, or something you cannot quite name yet. Specialty experience often shows up in therapist bios, practice specialty pages, and the questions a clinician asks during your first call.
Ask about the approach
Therapists work in different ways. Some are structured and skills-focused, such as cognitive behavioral approaches. Others are more exploratory, focusing on patterns, relationships, and history. Many blend both. You do not need to know the acronyms in advance; you can simply ask, "What would working with you look like?" The American Psychological Association offers a plain-language overview of how therapy works if you want background before that conversation.
Be realistic about logistics
Therapy works best when you attend consistently, and consistency depends on logistics. Consider drive time from home or work, appointment times that fit your week, and whether you would keep a weekly commitment more easily in person or from your couch. A slightly less convenient office you will actually get to beats a perfect-sounding option you will start skipping by week four.
Should you choose in-person or online therapy?
Both formats can be effective, and the better choice depends on your privacy at home, your schedule, and how you connect with people. Many clients in Monmouth and Ocean County mix the two, meeting in person when they can and online when the week gets complicated.
Consideration: Setting
In-person therapy: A dedicated, private office away from daily life
Online therapy: Any private space in New Jersey with a stable connection
Consideration: Travel
In-person therapy: Drive to Hazlet, Tinton Falls, or Toms River
Online therapy: None
Consideration: Privacy at home
In-person therapy: Not a factor
Online therapy: Requires a room where you will not be overheard
Consideration: Often preferred by
In-person therapy: People who focus better face to face, families, and young children
Online therapy: Commuters, busy parents, students, and frequent travelers
Consideration: Scheduling
In-person therapy: Tied to office hours and travel time
Online therapy: Easier to fit into lunch breaks or gaps in the day
If you are weighing the two, Inner Clarity describes both options in more detail on its in-office therapy and online therapy pages. Neither format requires a long-term decision up front; many people start one way and adjust.
How does insurance work for therapy in New Jersey?
Most therapy is billed either in-network, where the practice has a contract with your insurance plan, or out-of-network, where you pay up front and your plan may reimburse part of the cost. Understanding which situation applies to you is the single most useful thing you can do before booking.
Before your first session, it helps to call the number on your insurance card and ask a few specific questions:
If a therapist you want to see is out-of-network, ask whether they provide a superbill, which is an itemized receipt you can submit to your plan for possible reimbursement. For details on coverage and payment at Inner Clarity specifically, the practice keeps a current insurance page, and the intake team can help you verify benefits before you commit to anything.
What does a therapist matching process actually do?
A matching process replaces cold-calling therapist directories with a guided pairing: you share what you are looking for, and the practice connects you with a clinician whose specialty, style, and availability line up with it. This matters because research on therapy outcomes consistently points to the relationship between client and therapist as a key ingredient in progress.
At Inner Clarity, matching starts with a brief screening and a questionnaire about your concerns, preferences, and schedule. The team then hand-matches you with a clinician rather than assigning whoever has the next open slot. If you already know who you want to work with, you can browse profiles through the find-a-therapist tool and request that person directly.
No matching system is perfect, and a first pairing is a starting point rather than a contract. If the fit is off after a few sessions, saying so is expected and useful, and switching clinicians within the same practice is usually simple.
Questions worth asking before your first appointment
A short list of questions, asked on the phone or in a first session, can tell you most of what you need to know about fit:
You can read about the intake process on Inner Clarity's what-to-expect page, and our related guide to what the first sessions of individual therapy look like walks through the first month in detail. The National Institute of Mental Health also publishes practical guidance on caring for your mental health while you search.
Frequently asked questions
Do I need a referral from my doctor to start therapy in New Jersey?
Usually not. Most people can contact a therapy practice directly and schedule an intake without a physician referral. Some insurance plans, particularly certain HMO plans, do require a referral or preauthorization before they will cover sessions, so check your specific plan before booking to avoid surprise costs.
What is the difference between a therapist, a counselor, and a psychologist?
In everyday use the terms overlap. In New Jersey, licensed professional counselors, clinical social workers, and marriage and family therapists all provide talk therapy, while psychologists hold doctoral degrees and can also provide psychological testing. For most concerns, licensure, specialty experience, and personal fit matter more than which title appears after the name.
Can I do online therapy if I split time between homes or travel for work?
Generally, you need to be physically located in a state where your therapist is licensed at the time of each session. If you live and work in New Jersey, an NJ-licensed therapist can see you online anywhere in the state. If you regularly spend time out of state, raise it during scheduling so sessions stay compliant.
How soon should I expect a first appointment?
Availability varies by clinician, office, and time of year, so there is no universal answer. Asking about current openings during your first call is reasonable, and flexibility helps: being open to more than one office, an online session, or a daytime slot often shortens the wait considerably.
Start therapy close to home with Inner Clarity
If you are looking for a therapist in Monmouth County, Ocean County, or anywhere in New Jersey, we would like to help you find the right fit rather than just the next available opening. Our clinicians see clients in person in Hazlet, Tinton Falls, Toms River, Bordentown, and Maplewood, and online throughout the state, with support for individual therapy, couples work, family therapy, and care for children and teens.
When you are ready, you can request an appointment and tell us a little about what is bringing you in. From there, we will handle the matching, answer your insurance questions, and get you a first session at the office, or on the screen, that works best for your life.
What to expect from individual therapy: the first call, the first month, goal setting, and how progress feels, so session one holds fewer unknowns.
Individual therapy is one-on-one treatment with a licensed therapist, usually in weekly sessions of about 50 minutes. Over your first few sessions, you and your therapist get to know each other, put words to what you want to change, and agree on goals that will guide the work ahead.
For many people, the unknowns are a bigger barrier to starting than the scheduling or the cost. What will the therapist ask? What are you supposed to say? How will you know if it is helping? This guide walks through the arc of the first month, from the first phone call to the point where the work finds its rhythm. It is written for anyone thinking about starting therapy, whether that is in person at an office in New Jersey or online from your couch.
Key takeaways
Before the first session: the call and the match
The work of therapy starts before you ever sit down with a therapist, because the person you sit down with matters. Most practices begin with a short phone call or online form where you describe, in broad strokes, what you are looking for help with. From there, you are paired with a clinician whose training and style fit your needs. At Inner Clarity that pairing is deliberate: a screening call, a brief questionnaire, and hand-matching by the clinical team, a process described on the therapist matching page.
Practical details like intake paperwork, session length, and insurance questions are covered on the practice's what to expect page, so this article will not repeat them. If you are still deciding where to look, this guide to finding a therapist in Monmouth and Ocean County, NJ covers how to compare local options.
One thing worth doing before session one: notice what pushed you to reach out now. Not a polished explanation, just the moment. "I snapped at my kids again." "I have not slept well in a month." "I keep canceling plans." That moment is often the most useful place to start.
What happens in your first individual therapy session?
Your first individual therapy session is mostly a guided conversation about what brought you in, not a test or an interrogation. The therapist's job in session one is to understand your world: what is hard right now, how long it has been hard, what you have already tried, and what you want to be different.
Expect open questions rather than a checklist. A therapist might ask what a typical week looks like, how you sleep, who you lean on, and when the problem tends to show up. You choose the pace. If a topic feels too raw for a first meeting, you can say so, and a good therapist will respect that boundary rather than push through it.
It is also your turn to ask questions. How does the therapist usually work? What approaches do they draw on? What do the first several sessions typically look like with a concern like yours? Asking is not rude. It is how you start evaluating fit, and fit matters more than most people expect.
Two normal experiences worth naming. First, nerves. Many people rehearse in the parking lot and then blank in the chair, and therapists are used to that. Second, the odd lightness afterward. Saying things out loud to a person whose whole job is to listen, without managing their feelings in return, can be a relief in itself. That relief is real, but it is the doorway, not the destination. The deeper value of individual therapy builds over the sessions that follow.
The first month: how the early sessions unfold
Over sessions two through four, therapy shifts from telling your story to working with it. The therapist starts connecting what you have shared: the situations that set you off, the thoughts that follow, the ways you cope, and the patterns underneath them. This is usually when the shape of the work becomes visible.
Depending on the therapist's approach, you may be introduced to a framework during this stretch. That could mean tracking thoughts between sessions, practicing a grounding skill, mapping out a relationship pattern, or simply slowing down a moment from your week to look at it closely. Many therapists suggest small between-session experiments early on, not homework for a grade, but a way to bring real life into the room.
Here is the arc of a typical first month at a glance. Every person's pace differs, so treat this as a common pattern rather than a schedule.
Stage: First call and match
What sessions focus on: Describing what you need in broad strokes; getting paired with the right clinician
What it may feel like: A mix of relief at starting and uncertainty about what comes next
Stage: Session 1
What sessions focus on: Your story, what brought you in, first questions in both directions
What it may feel like: Nerves early, often a lighter feeling afterward
Stage: Sessions 2 to 3
What sessions focus on: Filling in the picture, spotting patterns, trying a first framework or skill
What it may feel like: More comfortable talking; moments of "I never connected those two things"
Stage: Session 4 and beyond
What sessions focus on: Agreed goals, a working rhythm, between-session practice tied to real life
What it may feel like: The work feels purposeful; harder topics become approachable
How does goal setting work in individual therapy?
Goals in individual therapy are set collaboratively, usually over the first 2 to 4 sessions, and they translate a general wish into something specific enough to work toward. "I want to feel better" is where most people start. A therapist helps turn that into goals you would actually notice in daily life.
For example, someone seeking therapy for anxiety might land on goals like getting through a work presentation without spiraling beforehand, or falling asleep without an hour of replaying conversations. A person working on a relationship pattern might aim to raise a concern with their partner without shutting down halfway through. Concrete goals give both of you a way to see movement.
Two things are useful to know about therapy goals. First, they are yours. A therapist can offer structure and suggestions, but the direction comes from what you want your life to look like, not from a standard template. Second, they evolve. It is common to arrive with a surface concern, sleep, irritability, a breakup, and discover a deeper pattern underneath it, like a habit of ignoring your own needs until they leak out sideways. When that happens, you and your therapist revisit the goals together. That is not the plan failing; that is the plan getting more accurate.
Expect your therapist to check in on goals periodically rather than set them once and file them away. If those check-ins are not happening and you feel adrift, say so. Asking "can we look at where we are against what I came in for?" is a completely fair request at any point.
The working relationship: why fit matters so much
The relationship between you and your therapist, sometimes called the therapeutic alliance, is one of the strongest predictors of how well therapy works. Research consistently links the quality of that alliance to outcomes across many different styles of psychotherapy, which is why finding the right person matters as much as finding the right method.
Good fit does not mean the therapist always agrees with you or that every session feels pleasant. It means you feel understood, you can say things you do not say elsewhere, and you feel challenged at a pace you can use. In the early sessions, notice a few signals: Do you leave feeling heard, even when the session was hard? Does the therapist remember what matters to you? Can you disagree with them out loud?
That last one deserves emphasis. If an interpretation misses, or a suggested exercise feels wrong, or something the therapist said stung, telling them is not a breach of etiquette. It is some of the most productive material therapy has. Small ruptures, addressed directly, tend to deepen trust, and practicing that kind of directness with a therapist often carries over into relationships outside the room.
And if after several sessions the fit still is not there, you are allowed to change therapists. Clinicians know fit is personal and do not take it as an insult. A practice with multiple clinicians can usually re-match you without sending you back to the start of your story.
How long does individual therapy take?
There is no single timeline for individual therapy, but there are common ranges. Focused, skills-based work on a specific concern often runs somewhere in the range of 8 to 20 sessions. Work on longstanding patterns, grief, or trauma frequently continues for six months to a year or more. Many people notice early shifts, like better sleep or fewer spirals, within the first 4 to 6 sessions, while deeper change takes longer to consolidate.
Several factors shape the timeline: how long the concern has been present, what is happening in your life outside sessions, how often you meet, and what you want from the work. Weekly sessions are typical at the start because momentum matters early. As things stabilize, many people taper to every other week, then monthly, and some return for occasional maintenance sessions during stressful seasons.
Be cautious with anyone who promises a fixed number of sessions to a guaranteed result. A trustworthy therapist offers a working estimate, revisits it with you as the picture clarifies, and treats ending well as part of the work. From the first month, you can simply ask: "Given what you know so far, what range seems realistic for what I want?" You will get a thoughtful answer, and you will learn something about the therapist from how they give it.
What does progress in therapy actually feel like?
Progress in therapy is usually gradual and often shows up in small behavioral shifts before it shows up as feeling better. You pause for a beat before firing off the defensive text. You notice the knot in your chest and can name what it is about. An argument that would have wrecked a whole weekend blows over by the next morning. Often the people around you notice before you do.
It helps to know the road is not smooth. A few common stretches:
How do you tell a normal plateau from therapy that has stalled? Time and conversation. If several sessions in a row feel like aimless recapping, if goals have not been revisited, or if you leave consistently unclear on what you are working toward, raise it directly. "I am not sure this is moving. Can we talk about that?" is one of the most valuable sentences a therapy client can say.
How to get the most from your first sessions
You can get more out of early sessions with a few simple habits, none of which require being "good at therapy." What moves the work forward is showing up as you actually are and bringing your real week into the room.
If you like to read between sessions, stick to reliable sources. MedlinePlus maintains a solid plain-language library of mental health topics, and your therapist can point you to reading that fits your situation better than a search engine can.
Frequently asked questions
Do I have to talk about my childhood in individual therapy?
Only as much as is useful to you. Some approaches focus mainly on present-day thoughts and habits; others explore how early experiences shaped current patterns. Your therapist may ask about your background for context, but you set the pace and depth. If a topic feels off-limits, say so, and it will be respected.
What if I cry or go blank during a session?
Both happen constantly, and neither is a problem. Tears often mean you have touched something that matters, and going blank is a common response to nerves or overwhelm. Therapists are trained to slow down and help you find footing. You will not be judged, rushed, or expected to perform composure.
Is what I share in therapy confidential?
Yes, with narrow legal exceptions. Therapists are bound by confidentiality and cannot share what you say without your written permission. The exceptions, which your therapist will explain at the start, generally involve serious safety risks to you or others, or suspected abuse of a child or vulnerable adult.
How often will I meet with my therapist?
Weekly is the most common starting rhythm, because regular contact builds momentum in the early phase. As you stabilize and gain skills, many people move to every other week, then monthly. Frequency is a conversation, not a rule, and it can flex with your needs, schedule, and budget over time.
Is individual therapy worth it if my problems feel small?
You do not need a crisis or a diagnosis to benefit. Many people start therapy for everyday concerns: a stuck relationship pattern, low-grade stress, a decision they keep avoiding. Working on something while it is small is often easier than waiting. If therapy is not the right tool, a good clinician will tell you.
Begin individual therapy with Inner Clarity in New Jersey
If you are ready to start, or just ready to ask questions, we would like to hear from you. Inner Clarity offers individual therapy in person at our New Jersey offices in Hazlet, Tinton Falls, Bordentown, Toms River, and Maplewood, and online across the state. Our clinicians are hand-matched to what you are looking for, so your first session starts closer to the right fit.
You can request an appointment online in a few minutes. Tell us a little about what is going on, and we will take it from there.
Does marriage counseling work? See what research on the Gottman Method and EFT shows, what helps couples succeed, and when it makes sense to reach out.
Marriage counseling works for many couples. Structured, research-supported approaches such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Method help partners reduce conflict, rebuild trust, and feel closer again. How well it works depends on three things above all: how early a couple starts, the method the counselor uses, and how willing both partners are to engage.
Key takeaways
If you are reading this at 11 p.m. after another argument that went nowhere, you are in familiar company. "Does marriage counseling actually work?" is one of the most common questions couples ask before picking up the phone, and it deserves a real answer, not a sales pitch. This guide walks through what the research supports, what makes counseling succeed or stall, and how to tell whether it fits your situation. Inner Clarity's clinicians work with couples across New Jersey, from Hazlet and Tinton Falls to Toms River, Bordentown, and Maplewood, and the patterns below are the ones that come up week after week.
What does "working" mean in marriage counseling?
In marriage counseling, "working" means measurable change in how you and your partner communicate, repair after conflict, and feel about the relationship. It does not mean the end of all disagreement. Couples who do well in counseling still argue. What changes is how the argument goes, how quickly you recover from it, and whether it leaves you feeling closer or further apart.
That distinction matters because many couples walk in with the wrong scoreboard. If success means "we never fight anymore," almost no counseling will measure up, because disagreement is a normal part of two people sharing a life. If success means "we fight fair, we recover faster, and we feel like teammates again," counseling has a strong track record of getting couples there.
Counselors usually look for progress in a few specific areas:
Keep that scoreboard in mind as you read on. It is the standard the research uses, and it is the standard worth bringing to your own first session.
What does the research say about marriage counseling?
Research consistently finds that most couples who complete a structured, evidence-based course of marriage counseling report meaningful improvement in relationship satisfaction. That statement is worth reading carefully, because each part of it carries weight: structured, evidence-based, and complete. Couples who work with a clear method, and who stay through the full arc of the process, are the ones the strongest outcomes belong to.
Two bodies of work come up most often. The first is the observational research program behind the Gottman Method, which spent decades studying how real couples interact, in detail, down to facial expressions and physiological stress responses. That research identified specific patterns, such as criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, that reliably predict relationship decline, and specific behaviors, such as repair attempts and everyday responsiveness, that predict stability. Counseling built on this work targets those patterns directly.
The second is Emotionally Focused Therapy, developed by Dr. Sue Johnson and Dr. Les Greenberg. EFT is among the most extensively studied couples approaches, and research on it consistently links the model to significant gains in relationship satisfaction and emotional connection, with many couples maintaining those gains after therapy ends. EFT works from attachment science: the idea that most repeating fights are really protests about disconnection, and that when partners learn to reach for each other differently, the fights lose their fuel.
The American Psychological Association likewise treats couple-based therapy as an established, effective form of care for relationship distress.
Two conservative caveats belong here. First, no approach helps every couple, and researchers are candid that a portion of couples improve only modestly or not at all. Second, outcomes depend heavily on the ingredients covered in the rest of this article: timing, engagement, fit, and whether anything deeper is driving the distress. Counseling is not a coin flip, but it is not a guarantee either. It is closer to physical therapy: a well-supported process that rewards consistent participation.
Which approaches have the strongest support?
The approaches with the strongest research support are Emotionally Focused Therapy, the Gottman Method, and structured behavioral or integrative models that teach concrete relationship skills. Here is what each one actually looks like from the inside.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
EFT treats the couple's negative cycle, not either partner, as the problem. Early sessions map the pattern: one partner pushes to be heard, the other shuts down to keep the peace, and each person's coping style triggers the other's. Once the cycle is visible, the counselor helps each partner express the softer feelings underneath it, such as fear of not mattering or fear of never being enough. Those conversations tend to change how partners see each other, and the cycle starts to lose its grip. A course of EFT is often described in the range of 8 to 20 sessions, though real timelines vary with each couple's situation.
The Gottman Method
Gottman Method counseling starts with a thorough assessment, often including a joint session, individual sessions, and questionnaires, so the counselor can map the relationship's strengths and problem areas before intervening. The work itself is practical and skills-forward: replacing criticism with specific complaints, catching contempt early, learning physiological self-soothing when arguments get flooded, and rebuilding the friendship layer of the relationship through intentional daily habits. Couples who like structure and concrete tools tend to find this approach a natural fit.
Integrative and skills-based approaches
Many experienced couples counselors blend models, drawing on the behavioral couple therapy tradition, communication training, and attachment work depending on what a couple needs. That flexibility is fine, and often helpful, as long as one thing stays true: the counselor is working from a clear framework with a direction, not just refereeing this week's argument. When you interview a potential counselor, asking "what approach do you use with couples, and how does it work?" is a fair question, and a good counselor will have a clear answer.
What makes marriage counseling more likely to work?
The strongest predictors of success in marriage counseling are willingness from both partners, an earlier start, a clear method, and practice between sessions. None of these require the relationship to be in good shape when you begin. They are about how you engage, not where you start from.
Notice what is not on this list: how bad things feel right now. Distress level at the start matters less than most couples assume. Counselors regularly watch couples who arrived barely speaking do excellent work, because both partners decided to take the process seriously.
Why does counseling sometimes stall?
Counseling usually stalls for reasons that have less to do with the couple's problems and more to do with how the process is being used. Knowing the common stall patterns ahead of time makes them much easier to avoid.
If you recognize your relationship in one of these patterns, that is useful information, not a disqualification. Every one of them can be named in the room and worked with. The stall becomes a problem mainly when nobody says it out loud.
When is the right time to start marriage counseling?
The best time to start marriage counseling is when problems begin repeating, not when the relationship reaches a breaking point. Researchers who study couples often note that partners tend to wait years after difficulties first appear before reaching out, and by then the same fight has usually run hundreds of laps. Nothing about that makes counseling pointless. It just means the work starts further from shore than it needed to.
Signals that it is a reasonable time to reach out include:
There is no severity threshold you need to meet. Many couples now use counseling the way they use a physical: a check-in during a demanding stretch of life, before anything is broken. If your relationship is mostly good and you want it sturdier through a hard season, that is a legitimate reason to book a first session with a couples therapist, not an overreaction.
Can counseling help us, or do we need deeper repair work first?
Most recurring relationship problems respond well to standard couples counseling, while some situations call for a longer arc of repair work, or individual treatment alongside the couples sessions. The table below is a general guide to which side of that line your situation may sit on. It is a starting point for a conversation with a counselor, not a verdict.
Signs counseling can help: The same argument loops without resolution, but you both want that to change.
Signs of deeper repair work: Trust has been broken, through an affair or a major hidden secret, and rebuilding it needs to come first.
Signs counseling can help: You feel distant, more like roommates than partners.
Signs of deeper repair work: One partner is living with untreated depression, anxiety, trauma, or substance use that keeps overriding the couples work.
Signs counseling can help: Conflicts escalate fast, but respect for each other is still intact underneath.
Signs of deeper repair work: Contempt, mockery, or open hostility now colors most interactions, not just the bad days.
Signs counseling can help: A life transition strained the relationship and you have not found your footing again.
Signs of deeper repair work: One or both of you is genuinely unsure about staying, and that question needs its own space before change-focused work begins.
Signs counseling can help: Affection and intimacy have faded and you want them back.
Signs of deeper repair work: Old wounds from childhood or past relationships keep flooding into present-day conflicts.
Signs counseling can help: Communication takes effort, but you both feel safe speaking up.
Signs of deeper repair work: One partner feels physically afraid of the other. Joint sessions are not the right setting here; individual support comes first.
A few notes on the right-hand column, because "deeper repair work" does not mean "beyond help." After broken trust, many couples do rebuild, but the work follows a different sequence: full transparency first, then rebuilding safety, then the wider relationship. When old wounds keep flooding the present, adding trauma-focused therapy alongside couples sessions can help with material that couples work alone may not reach. When one partner carries an untreated condition, individual therapy running in parallel gives the couples work solid ground to stand on.
And when one or both partners are unsure whether they want to stay, some counselors offer a short, structured process, sometimes called discernment counseling, designed to help partners reach a clear decision about the relationship's direction before committing to change-focused work. Clarity first, then repair, tends to serve both people better than pretending the question is not in the room.
One firm exception: when there is physical fear or intimidation in the relationship, joint counseling is not the recommended starting point, because it can make things less safe. In that situation, individual support for each partner comes first.
Common myths about marriage counseling
Much of the hesitation couples feel about counseling traces back to a handful of myths, and most of them fall apart on contact with how the process actually works.
Myth: Counseling is only for marriages in crisis
Counseling serves couples at every stage, including ones doing reasonably well. Some of the most efficient work happens with couples who came in early, before patterns hardened. Waiting for a crisis is a bit like waiting for chest pain to start exercising: understandable, common, and backwards.
Myth: The counselor will pick a side
A trained couples counselor treats the relationship as the client, not either partner. You will each feel challenged at times, and you will each feel understood at times. If a counselor consistently plays judge and issues verdicts, that is a fit problem worth raising, not a feature of counseling itself.
Myth: Needing counseling means the marriage is failing
Needing counseling means the relationship has hit patterns the two of you have not been able to shift alone, which describes most long-term relationships at some point. Reaching out takes real strength, and there is no deadline you have missed. Couples begin this work at very different points, for all kinds of understandable reasons, and it can help wherever you start.
Myth: Counselors steer couples toward divorce
Counselors do not carry an agenda for your relationship in either direction. The job is to help both partners see the relationship clearly and build the skills to change it. Most couples enter counseling wanting the relationship to work, and the counselor's effort points the same way.
Myth: Talking to friends or reading books does the same job
Supportive friends and good books genuinely help, and they also share your blind spots or only hear one side. A counselor watches the pattern happen live, in the room, and can interrupt it in the moment. That real-time element is a large part of what couples pay for, and it is hard to replicate anywhere else.
What should you expect in the first few sessions?
The first few sessions of marriage counseling are about assessment and goal-setting: the counselor learns your history, watches how you interact, and works with you to define what success will look like. Expect the opening session to cover how you met, what drew you together, when difficulties started, and what each of you wants from the process. Many counselors, especially those working from the Gottman Method, also meet briefly with each partner individually early on, then bring everything back to joint sessions.
Sessions typically run around 50 minutes to an hour, though some counselors prefer longer sessions for couples work. Between sessions you can expect small assignments: a structured conversation to try, a habit to practice, something specific to notice. These are not busywork. They are where the change actually happens.
Fit matters from day one, and you are allowed to be choosy. At Inner Clarity, the matching process pairs couples with a clinician suited to their situation rather than whoever has the next open slot, and you can request a specific therapist if someone stands out to you. If one of you is also weighing one-on-one support, our companion guide to what to expect from your first individual therapy sessions walks through that process in the same plain terms.
By session three or four, you should notice the work developing a direction: a named cycle, a clear set of goals, some early tools in use at home. If the sessions still feel like unstructured venting at that point, say so. Course-correcting early, with the counselor or with a different one, protects your investment in the process.
How can you tell it is working?
Progress in couples counseling shows up first in small, concrete moments at home, usually before either partner would describe the relationship as "fixed." Knowing what those early markers look like helps you judge the process fairly, because the felt sense of the relationship often lags behind the actual behavior change by weeks.
A simple self-check, worth revisiting every few weeks:
Two or three of these appearing with any regularity is real progress, even if the big issues are still unresolved. On the other hand, if two months of consistent sessions have produced none of them, bring that observation to your counselor directly. A good clinician will want that feedback and will adjust the approach, and the conversation itself often becomes a turning point in the work.
Frequently asked questions
How long does marriage counseling usually take?
Many couples work with a counselor for roughly 3 to 6 months of weekly or biweekly sessions, and structured approaches like EFT are often described in the range of 8 to 20 sessions. Timelines vary with your goals and history. Couples working through broken trust or long-standing patterns should expect a longer arc.
Can it help if only one of us wants to be there?
Yes, within limits. A reluctant but genuinely willing partner is a workable starting point, and skilled counselors are used to winning over skeptics in the first sessions. If your partner will not attend at all, individual therapy focused on the relationship can still create meaningful change from one side.
Does insurance cover marriage counseling in New Jersey?
Coverage varies by plan. Some insurers cover couples sessions when they are part of treatment for a diagnosed condition, while others do not cover relationship counseling on its own. Check your specific benefits before starting, and ask the practice for help verifying them. Our team can walk you through what your plan covers.
Is it too late if we have already talked about divorce?
Not necessarily. Many couples first reach out after the word divorce has entered the conversation, and a meaningful share of them go on to rebuild. What matters more than the word is whether both partners are still open to trying. If either of you is unsure, a counselor can help you reach clarity before deciding anything.
Should we each see an individual therapist too?
Sometimes, yes. When anxiety, depression, past trauma, or old family patterns keep pulling the couples work off course, individual therapy alongside it often speeds progress in both rooms. Best practice is usually separate therapists for individual and couples work, so each clinician can fully hold their own lane.
Strengthen your relationship with support from Inner Clarity
If the patterns in this article sound familiar, you do not have to keep running the same laps. Our clinicians provide couples therapy and marriage counseling drawing on research-supported approaches, with offices in Hazlet, Tinton Falls, Bordentown, Toms River, and Maplewood, plus online sessions across New Jersey.
Reaching out is the hardest step, and it is a short one: tell us a little about your situation and we will match you with a clinician who fits. Request an appointment today, and take the first session as exactly what it is, a conversation, not a commitment.
This article is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment.
Discover what it means to decolonize therapy and create healing spaces that honor BIPOC culture, identity, and tradition. Your story and healing matter.
What does it mean to decolonize therapy?
It’s a question rising like a tide in BIPOC spaces—whispers turning into voices as more BIPOC therapists step into the room and take up space. It’s a question rooted in lived experience:
Was this space ever meant for someone like me?
The truth? Yes—but with caveats.
Because while therapy can hold us, the systems it grew from often weren’t built with us in mind.
The systems and institutions we navigate today were not built with BIPOC culture, family dynamics, or ancestral roots in mind. Much of the foundational psychological research was conducted on whitemen. So how can this space fully support someone who is Black, Indigenous, Latinx, Asian, or from another marginalized background?
A therapist doesn't need to share your skin or story,
but they do need to care—enough to listen, enough to learn.
Enough to see that for many of us, family is everything.
Community is survival.
Tradition is medicine.
So when a therapist tells you to “cut off your mother” or to “stop eating rice,”
it doesn’t just feel wrong—it feels like erasure.
Therapy that honors culture doesn’t just make space for you;
it invites you in.
It understands that healing isn’t one-size-fits-all.
It knows that to be seen is the beginning of being whole.
As a BIPOC person—and a therapist—I want you to know:
You belong here.
This space can hold you.
It might take time,
it might take trial and error,
but your healing matters.
Your story matters.
And therapy, reimagined through your lens, can be a place where you are not just heard—but understood.
Learn 7 strategies for creating a mindfulness routine that fits even the busiest schedules, helping professionals reduce stress and improve focus daily.
Professionals often juggle multiple responsibilities, leaving little time to prioritize mental well-being. However, taking just a few moments each day to practice a mindfulness routine can significantly improve focus, reduce stress, and enhance overall mental health. Establishing a mindfulness routine doesn't have to be time-consuming. With simple techniques integrated into your daily life, even the busiest professionals can reap the benefits of mindfulness.
Mindfulness is the practice of staying present in the moment without judgment. It can be as simple as focusing on your breath or observing your thoughts without getting caught up. According to a study from Harvard University, we spend nearly 47% of our waking hours thinking about something other than what we're doing, which often leads to stress and dissatisfaction. Incorporating mindfulness into your routine can improve your ability to focus on the task and reduce overwhelming feelings.
The benefits of mindfulness for professionals extend beyond just improved concentration. Research from the American Psychological Association suggests that mindfulness can help reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, lower stress levels, and even enhance emotional regulation. For professionals, this means an increased ability to handle workplace stressors, improved decision-making, and a stronger sense of overall well-being.
Creating a mindfulness routine doesn’t have to be daunting. Here are practical steps that can help you seamlessly incorporate mindfulness into your day, regardless of how packed your schedule is.
One of the biggest misconceptions about mindfulness is that it requires large blocks of uninterrupted time. However, micro-mindfulness practices — those that take just a minute or two — can be equally beneficial. According to research published in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, even short bursts of mindfulness can improve mood and focus. You can practice micro-mindfulness by taking 30 seconds to focus on your breath before a meeting or spending a few moments engaging in a body scan while sitting at your desk. These small moments of presence can have a cumulative effect on your mental clarity and stress levels.
You don’t need to carve out additional time to practice mindfulness. Instead, integrate it into tasks you’re already doing. For example, practice mindful driving during your commute by paying attention to the sights, sounds, and sensations around you. If you take public transportation, use that time for mindful breathing or reflection. A study from Mindfulness Research and Practice found that individuals who practiced mindfulness during their commute experienced a 30% reduction in stress. Similarly, when eating, focus fully on the taste, texture, and smell of your food — this is known as mindful eating, and it can help reduce stress and improve digestion.
Starting your day with mindfulness sets a positive tone for the rest of your day. This doesn’t have to be a lengthy practice. Set aside just five minutes each morning for a mindfulness ritual. You can begin with a few deep breaths, followed by a simple meditation or affirmation. Research from The Journal of Clinical Psychology has shown that morning mindfulness practices can enhance mood and focus throughout the day. Consistency is key here — over time, this short practice can train your brain to remain calm and focused, even during a busy workday.
Technology can be a helpful ally in your mindfulness journey. Mindfulness apps such as Headspace, Calm, and Insight Timer offer guided meditations and mindfulness exercises that can fit into even the busiest schedule. A study by The Lancet Psychiatry revealed that using mindfulness apps for just 10 minutes a day can significantly reduce stress and anxiety levels in users. Set a reminder on your phone to take a break for a short guided meditation or breathing exercise.
Communication is a key part of any professional’s day. Incorporating mindful listening into your conversations can not only help you stay present but also improve your relationships with colleagues and clients. Mindful listening involves giving your full attention to the speaker without planning your response or allowing your mind to wander. According to a study from The Harvard Business Review, professionals who practice mindful listening report better communication outcomes and reduced conflict in the workplace.
Professionals often go from one task to the next without taking breaks. However, incorporating mindful breaks into your day can boost productivity and mental clarity. A simple five-minute mindful walk or a brief breathing exercise can refresh your mind and reduce the mental fatigue that comes from long stretches of focused work. A study published in The International Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that workers who took mindful breaks reported higher levels of energy and focus than those who didn’t.
As your day comes to an end, take a moment to reflect on what went well and express gratitude for the positive aspects of your day. This practice can help reduce stress and improve sleep quality. A Journal of Psychosomatic Research study found that ending the day with gratitude-based mindfulness practices significantly improved sleep and lowered stress levels. Simply jotting down three things you're grateful for before bed can shift your mindset toward positivity and relaxation.
Over time, a regular mindfulness routine can profoundly affect your professional and personal life. Professionals who practice mindfulness regularly report not only reduced stress but also increased job satisfaction, improved emotional intelligence, and enhanced creativity. Research from The Journal of Applied Psychology shows that mindfulness practices can increase workplace productivity by up to 15%.
Mindfulness also promotes resilience — the ability to bounce back from challenges. When workplace stressors arise, mindfulness individuals are better equipped to handle them calmly and effectively. By incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine, you’re setting yourself up for long-term success, professionally and personally.
Mindfulness is not about perfection — it’s about progress. Whether you’re taking a few mindful breaths before a meeting or dedicating 10 minutes to a guided meditation, every step counts. Start small, be consistent, and notice how even the busiest professionals can find moments of calm in their day.
Looking for more ways to reduce stress and boost your mental well-being? Consider integrating mindfulness into your routine by using a guided meditation app or joining a mindfulness group near you. You can also request an appointment with one of our Therapists for expert help with a mindfulness routine practice.
We offer telehealth in Texas and Florida, with in-office counseling in Maplewood, Hazlet, and Tinton Falls, NJ.
Discover effective strategies to overcome social anxiety in large gatherings. This guide offers practical tips to boost confidence and improve social interactions.
As a licensed therapist, I've witnessed firsthand the profound impact social anxiety can have on individuals, particularly in large gatherings. Social anxiety is more prevalent than many realize and can significantly hinder personal and professional growth. This guide aims to provide a comprehensive understanding of social anxiety in large settings and offer practical strategies to manage and overcome it.
Let’s begin with an overview of social anxiety, how it manifests in daily life, and the factors that can contribute to its development.
Social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia, is a chronic mental health condition characterized by an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others. This fear can affect work, school, and other daily activities, making it hard to make and keep friends. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (2021), approximately 7.1% of U.S. adults experience social anxiety disorder in any given year. This statistic underscores that social anxiety is a common experience, and you are not alone in facing it.
Social anxiety manifests in various physical, emotional, and behavioral symptoms:
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may lead to significant distress and impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).
While the exact cause of social anxiety disorder is unknown, several factors may contribute:
Understanding these factors can help in addressing the root causes of social anxiety.
Social anxiety can profoundly shape experiences in large gatherings, influencing relationships, career growth, and overall well-being in significant ways.
Avoiding large gatherings can lead to social isolation, which may exacerbate feelings of loneliness and depression. A study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology found a strong link between social anxiety and loneliness (Lim, Rodebaugh, Zyphur, & Gleeson, 2016).
Social anxiety can hinder career advancement. Networking events, presentations, and team collaborations are often essential for professional growth. Avoiding these situations can limit opportunities.
Persistent anxiety can affect overall well-being. It can lead to:
Recognizing the impact is crucial in motivating oneself to seek help and implement coping strategies.
Overcoming social anxiety involves a combination of therapeutic approaches, self-help strategies, and, in some cases, medication.
CBT is considered the gold standard treatment for social anxiety disorder (Mayo Clinic, 2021). It focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviors.
Mindfulness techniques help individuals focus on the present moment without judgment.
Improving social skills can boost confidence in social interactions.
Incorporating healthy habits can enhance overall mental health.
Seeking professional help can be a crucial step when social anxiety begins to disrupt daily life, with therapy, medication, and support networks offering pathways to relief and recovery.
If social anxiety interferes with daily life, professional intervention may be necessary. Signs include:
Dealing with social anxiety in large gatherings is undeniably challenging. However, with the right strategies, support, and professional guidance, it is possible to manage and overcome these feelings. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Ready to take the next step toward inner clarity? Our therapists at Inner Clarity are here to support you through life's transitions. Request an appointment today and start your journey toward well-being.
Life transitions can be both exciting and challenging. This article explores how to manage mental health during periods of change, offering practical strategies and emphasizing the importance of support. Inner Clarity provides the guidance needed to navigate these times with resilience.
Life is a series of transitions. Whether it's starting a new job, moving to a different city, or experiencing changes in personal relationships, these periods can be both exciting and challenging. According to the American Psychological Association, 70% of adults report significant stress due to life changes and transitions. Managing mental health during these times is crucial to navigating uncertainties and embracing new beginnings with resilience and optimism.
Transitions often bring about a mix of emotions—anticipation, anxiety, hope, and fear. These feelings are natural responses to change. However, when not addressed, they can lead to stress, depression, or anxiety disorders. Research published in “The Social Readjustment Rating Scale” in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research shows that major life changes can increase the risk of mental health issues by up to 60%. Recognizing how transitions affect your mental well-being is the first step toward effective management.
Allow yourself to experience and express your emotions without judgment. A study published in the Journal of Psychology, titled “Exploring the Boundary Conditions of Expressive Writing: In Search of the Right Recipe,” found that emotional acknowledgment can reduce stress levels by 35%. Writing in a journal, talking to a trusted friend, or engaging in creative activities can help process these feelings.
Adjusting to change takes time. Be patient with yourself and avoid setting overly ambitious goals. Goal-setting theory suggests that realistic expectations can improve performance and satisfaction by up to 30%, according to “Building a Practically Useful Theory of Goal Setting and Task Motivation: A 35-Year Odyssey” in American Psychologist. Celebrate small victories along the way.
Adjusting to change takes time. Be patient with yourself and avoid setting overly ambitious goals. Celebrate small victories along the way.
Social support is invaluable. Harvard Medical School notes that strong social connections can increase the likelihood of longevity by 50% and significantly improve mental health. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups to share experiences and gain different perspectives.
Mindfulness meditation, deep-breathing exercises, and yoga can reduce stress and improve emotional regulation. A meta-analysis in JAMA Internal Medicine found that mindfulness meditation can alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression by up to 38%.
If feelings of anxiety or depression persist, consider consulting a mental health professional. The World Health Organization states that early intervention can lead to a 50% faster recovery rate from mental health issues. Therapy services can provide personalized strategies for coping and managing mental health effectively.
Transitions can also be opportunities for personal growth. They allow you to step out of your comfort zone, learn new skills, and gain insights about yourself. Psychological studies in “Resilient Individuals Use Positive Emotions to Bounce Back from Negative Emotional Experiences,” as published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, indicate that embracing change can enhance resilience and adaptability by 40%. Shifting your perspective to view change as a catalyst for positive development can enhance your resilience.
Managing mental health during periods of transition is essential for overall well-being. By acknowledging your feelings, maintaining routines, setting realistic expectations, staying connected, practicing mindfulness, and seeking professional help when necessary, you can navigate life's changes more effectively. Remember, it's okay to seek support, and taking care of your mental health is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Ready to take the next step toward inner clarity? Our therapists at Inner Clarity are here to support you through life's transitions. Request an appointment today and start your journey toward well-being.
Managing anger is not about suppressing it but understanding and directing it constructively. By practicing anger management techniques such as mindful breathing, challenging unhelpful thoughts, and communicating assertively, you can navigate through your emotions more effectively.
Anger is a natural emotion that everyone experiences. It can range from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. While it's normal to feel angry from time to time, uncontrolled anger can take a toll on your health, relationships, and overall well-being. The good news is that with the right anger management techniques and strategies, you can manage your anger effectively and use it in a constructive way. Here are three techniques to help you navigate through moments of anger.
When you feel anger rising, your body's fight-or-flight response kicks in. You might notice your heart rate increasing, muscles tensing, and breathing becoming rapid. One anger management technique — mindful breathing — is a simple yet powerful tool to calm your nervous system.
How to do it:
Why it helps: Deep breathing increases oxygen flow to the brain and promotes relaxation. It shifts your focus from the anger-triggering thoughts to the physical act of breathing, allowing you to regain control.
Anger is often fueled by our interpretations of events rather than the events themselves. Cognitive distortions like jumping to conclusions or catastrophizing can amplify feelings of anger.
How to do it:
Example: Putting this anger management technique into action could be as simple as changing your perspective. Instead of thinking, "They did that on purpose to annoy me," consider, "Maybe they're having a tough day and didn't realize how their actions affected me."
Why it helps: Challenging negative thoughts reduces their intensity and prevents them from escalating. It promotes a more balanced and rational outlook.
Bottling up anger or expressing it aggressively can harm relationships. Using assertive communication as an anger management technique empowers you to express your feelings and needs respectfully.
How to do it:
Why it helps: Assertive communication fosters understanding and problem-solving. This anger management technique reduces misunderstandings and helps build stronger relationships.
Managing anger is not about suppressing it but understanding and directing it constructively. By practicing anger management techniques such as mindful breathing, challenging unhelpful thoughts, and communicating assertively, you can navigate through your emotions more effectively. These strategies not only help in the moment but also contribute to long-term emotional resilience.
If you find that anger is overwhelming or interfering with your daily life, consider seeking support from a mental health professional. Therapy can provide personalized strategies and insights to help you manage your emotions more effectively.
Stress is an inevitable part of life, but these six Inner Clarity strategies will ensure you can enjoy mental peace and improve your overall well-being.
Chances are that if you’re reading this article, you’re experiencing some sort of stress in your life. That’s completely normal! From navigating the workplace to maintaining your physical health or interpersonal relationships, there are countless aspects of modern living prone to producing anxiety. But that doesn’t mean mental peace must be out of reach. No matter where you are or what you’re going through, it’s more than possible to learn how to cultivate sustainable calmness.
Read over this Inner Clarity guide to gain numerous practical tips for managing daily stress, and consider how partnering with a trained virtual therapist can help bolster your overall well-being.
Regardless of whether you have a hundred outstanding tasks to do, or you’re on vacation relaxing by the poolside, you feel mentally stable. That is mental peace: the ability to reliably maintain your socio-emotional well-being no matter the circumstances. Mental peace is important because by improving your capacity to respond to stressors in a healthy way, you become more resilient to life’s inevitable adversities and gain the freedom to focus on what you find fulfilling.
Yet, external pressures – workplace demands, housing or financial strains, the loss of a close family member or friend – are, of course, destabilizing. Internal habits, such as not allowing yourself to rest or suppressing your emotions with patterns of negative thinking, all get in the way of mental peace.
Just as there are plenty of common obstacles to mental peace, there are plenty of ways to address those stressors and recapture balance. Consider how practicing mindfulness, establishing a routine, engaging in regular exercise, developing a healthy sleep routine, employing gratitude, and seeking treatment from a qualified therapist could help you enjoy the best possible life.
Instead of allowing sources of stress to incite strong feelings, a practice of mindfulness allows us to take a gentle step outside of our inner experiences and consider how we might respond to discomfort with intention instead of just knee-jerk reactions. Mindfulness is a great tool for achieving mental peace because it emphasizes acceptance, but encourages constructive changes.
Meditation is a great way to carve out some mindful time in your day. Even just five or 10 minutes a day spent sitting on a pillow, deliberately paying attention to your breathing and allowing other thoughts to come and go, can improve your state of mental peace before bed or prepare you for the busy day. Deep breathing, stretching, or walking exercises are other mindful options.
Fashioning a new game plan for each day takes a lot of energy. A set outline for what you want to get done that day and the sequence in which you’d like to do things preserves a sense of structure and control over the otherwise hectic demands of daily life. A steady routine can also help clarify when you’re available to be present with friends and family and cement a healthy circadian rhythm that leaves your body ready to fall asleep every evening and energized in the morning.
To create a balanced routine, start by journaling about your priorities, what you would see accomplished on an ideal day, and what is realistic for you to fit in, given your usual responsibilities. Make sure to incorporate relaxation and self-care, and tinker with the schedule until you find a pattern that best supports your mental peace.
Consistent physical exercise strengthens your body and provides countless other benefits prone to building up your mental well-being. Working out helps increase blood circulation in your brain and releases endorphins that boost your mood and improve your sleep; setting fitness goals you can steadily work toward will shore up your self-esteem. Cycling or running clubs offer an outlet to make new friends with similar interests you see on a regular basis.
Starting out small, like even just a 20-minute morning walk before work, can provide an excellent source of low-intensive exercise. You can also obtain that through changes in your commute – parking further away, walking to the train, and taking the stairs rather than an elevator ride. Exercise doesn’t have to be so serious, either. Climbing gyms and dance classes are a fun way to move your body and learn a new skill.
It’s very difficult to have a peaceful mind without good sleep habits built into your daily schedule. Deep rest helps flush waste from your brain because your nerve cells produce waves that push cleansing fluid through dense brain tissue, according to the Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis. Rapid-eye-movement sleep has also been shown to improve cognitive abilities, like your memory. On the flip side, sleep deprivation makes it difficult to concentrate or retain new information, and can exacerbate symptoms of existing emotional issues.
While it can be easy to forgo the hours of sleep you need every night, setting an even sleep schedule will ensure you wake up with a surplus of energy to start your day. Try creating a routine for winding down in the evening: take a bath, do some light stretching, forgo electronics and screen time, and read a book before turning out the lights.
Our minds are naturally inclined to focus on negative experiences. Evolutionary biology shows that helped early humans identify threats and survive. That’s, in part, why it can feel against the grain to establish an intentional practice of noticing all the positive aspects of life. But once you start setting aside time to recognize what gives you joy, you’ll start to notice innumerable other blessings.
To seal in the method, consider starting a gratitude journal. Each day, write one to three things you appreciate about your life – it can be as simple as the refreshing glass of water you had that morning or the time you spent with your best friend that afternoon. Writing a handful of short affirmations you recite each day will also empower you to remember what you value.
You always stand to benefit from incorporating healthy habits into your routine, but seeking the support of a mental health professional can elevate your journey toward mental peace to an even higher level. Qualified therapists will be able to facilitate explorations into the deeper causes of your recurring stress, and fashion a treatment plan suited to your own personal goals. This way, you’re not just developing new coping skills, but addressing what you need them for.
While individualized therapy may be more common, group therapy can also help you hear from other people struggling with similar conditions. Family or couples therapy also provides a structure for improving your interpersonal relationships.
One of the best ways to access mental health support is through virtual therapy. Inner Clarity allows you to browse the profiles of numerous diverse virtual therapy providers who bring a unique background and training that helps personalize your care. Online therapy services enable you to bolster your mental peace from the comfort and privacy of your own home – effectively removing any time-consuming commutes that prevent you from including counseling in your busy schedule. Inner Clarity’s online therapy also offers the flexibility of finding providers from all across the county; you’re no longer restricted to therapists only in your local area.
Stress is an unavoidable facet of life, and it can feel overwhelmingly difficult to get out from under it. Fortunately, there are many different practical ways you can protect and nurture your state of mental peace, no matter the circumstances. Starting off with certain practices, like establishing a steady sleep routine, getting in frequent exercise, and beginning a gratitude journal, is a great idea. But partnering with Inner Clarity to work with a virtual therapist to dig deeper and gain informed guidance will essentially guarantee you’re best suited to foster a thriving well-being.
Check out which Inner Clarity services will match your mental health care situation – whether that be for virtual cognitive-behavioral therapy or trauma-focused counseling – and request an appointment today to benefit from our holistic approach to supporting your balanced life.
Partner with the right Inner Clarity therapist for you to manage workplace stress in three simple ways.
Our jobs are where we spend countless hours of our lives. They’re often what we’ve trained or studied to be able to do, and labor can be a source of continuous fulfillment. Yet, stress has increasingly pervaded employees’ well-being and productivity in today's fast-paced work environment. This means more and more people are leaving important trades, struggling to advance in careers they’re capable of excelling in, and ultimately dread clocking into work when they deserve to start each shift with a stable sense of mental health.
Consider this Inner Clarity guide on how to spot the signs of workplace stress, effectively manage its causes, and why meeting with a virtual therapist who is right for your needs can enable you to thrive in any role, any vocation.
According to the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health, workplace stress is “the harmful physical and emotional responses that occur when the requirements of the job do not match the capabilities, resources, or needs of the worker.” In practice, this may look like excessive workloads, tight deadlines, and conflicting expectations, causing employees to burn out and suffer from mental or physiological maladies even after completing that day’s tasks.
Take stock if you’ve been experiencing muscular tension, heart palpitations, an inability to concentrate, increased irritability, or just general, sustained anxiety or depression. If you grapple with those symptoms arising from your work, know you’re not alone. Forty-four percent of respondents to a 2022 survey reported being stressed at work the day before, the World Economic Forum recorded, a three-year-in-a-row increase across the globe that may be caused by recent disruptions to what workplaces look like given the mass shuttering of office spaces.
Though the workplace may be a common source of consternation, there are numerous ways to successfully regain control over what’s causing stress. Review these three strategies and how you might apply them in your environment.
Productivity is a key measure of a good employee. Yet setting unrealistic goals or trying to progress too many assignments simultaneously will only undermine the quality of your efforts and heap unnecessary stress onto your plate.
Say you’re grappling with a big project. Try breaking it down into smaller, more manageable deadlines and categorizing the items into different priorities, focusing on the most critical parts first. You might notice momentum build as completing one thing motivates you to tackle another. Of course, procrastinating can still be tempting when bogged down by a particularly challenging task. In that case, set a timer to work on what’s causing you stress for a short time. Then set a timer for a short break. Rinse and repeat, and you’ll be ticking off your to-do list in no time.
The rise of job-related stress may be caused by more widely available remote jobs disrupting the balance between workers’ home and work lives. Without a clear division between when the workday ends and when relaxation can begin, employees are prone to burnout, making it difficult to keep up with other familial responsibilities and spill over into more stress.
But you don’t have to be engaged in a remote job to understand that setting boundaries between work and personal life is crucial to mental well-being. To obtain a healthy equilibrium, create a reasonable schedule that corresponds to your supervisor’s expectations. When assigned needless overtime, advocate for your needs and dedicate time to self-care. You deserve to enjoy adequate rest and relaxation to become the creative and high-energy worker your workplace is sure to benefit from.
While there are specific coping skills you can wield to navigate workplace stress better, understand that you don’t have to develop a plan all on your own. Counseling services provided by your employer or an outside mental health professional can help you identify the root cause of your worries and move forward with addressing them in a healthy manner.
Notably, virtual therapy allows you to engage in mental health support from the comfort and privacy of your own home, making it easier than ever to fit stress relief into your busy calendar. Online therapy also offers an opportunity to connect with trained providers from all over the world – a key advantage if you happen to live in one of the United States’ countless areas where local mental health providers are in short supply.
To find a virtual therapist best suited to your unique circumstances, it’s a good idea to get a hold of mental health providers who are committed to your priorities. That’s to say, Inner Clarity boasts a roster of trained therapists who are all interested in incorporating a holistic approach to wellness. Perhaps you’d be most comfortable meeting with a therapist who understands your cultural background or has experience treating patients navigating trauma. Inner Clarity counselors specialize in a variety of treatment styles and are capable of helping you thrive inside the workplace and out.
A job well done is one of the most rewarding things you can do. But rising stress levels in the workplace, from breakdowns in the usual professional-personal life balance and other sources, too often cause stress that bubbles up into physical and mental health challenges. By employing effective time management, setting hard boundaries to protect your home life, and meeting with a virtual therapist, you can alleviate the symptoms of workplace stress. Request an appointment today with Inner Clarity to meet with a provider specializing in the individual treatment styles you need for a clearer and healthier life.
Practice self-care tips: Five ways to support your physical and mental well-being alongside any virtual therapy services provider.
Drinking water, sleeping in, taking a walk in nature, or grabbing lunch with a friend. These may sound like insignificant things on their own, yet when enacted together and with intention, they are the kinds of activities that constitute the vital practice of self-care. But what exactly is self-care? Self-care can be developed on your own or with the help of therapy services, but it is largely defined by the set of actions, habits, and routines through which you commit to nourishing your mental, emotional, and social well-being throughout your life.
While certain aspects of mental health care, like prescription medication or intensive one-on-one counseling, will always serve as effective tools of treatment, more and more people today are realizing that consistently utilized self-care provides an accessible way to cultivate stability through reliable and even enjoyable measures. Review this Inner Clarity guide to gain applicable self-care tips and learn more about how partnering with a virtual therapist can make it easier to get started and stay supported.
Every person’s best method of self-care will ultimately be unique to that individual, but there are common categories of personal upkeep prone to benefit anyone. Consider the following self-care tips in devising your own special plan.
Change is simply a part of life, and it’s to every person’s advantage to accept that. However, daily routines can help you fashion a sense of structure that reduces the stress that results from unnecessary uncertainty. For example, by scheduling specific blocks of time to fit in exercise and meditation before work, you can guarantee that you are repeatedly nurturing your body and mind. Then, that allows you to relax guilt-free. To begin, try writing a list of what an ideal day looks like to you. Next, examine what would be manageable or realistic to include before you climb into bed for a full night’s sleep. Routines will clarify your priorities and the best regimens offer a realistic and balanced path towards living your best life every day of the week.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, even 30 minutes a day of walking, dancing, or yard work will strengthen your muscles and reduce the risk of diseases. Though fitting in exercise every day can seem intimidating at first, you’ll soon come to crave it as the body releases multiple feel-good hormones like serotonin during a workout, and physical activity helps the flow of oxygen through your tissues, which boosts energy levels. You can discover more ways to move your body by tweaking parts of your work commute to allow for more walking, or by finding a friend to do yoga with. Regardless, physical health isn’t just fostered by going to the gym. Review what you usually eat to consider how you may start weaving in nutrients and vitamins missing from your diet, and ensure you’re getting adequate amounts of sleep.
Implementing more mindfulness into your life has the potential to enhance your mental clarity and reduce anxiety at lengths you cannot even imagine. The principles of mindfulness involve being curious about your feelings — noticing how they arise and change — instead of being judgemental about any experience being intrinsically one fixed way. While that may sound complicated at first, you can cultivate mindfulness by integrating meditation, stretching, journaling, or deep-breathing exercises into your daily life. These activities give low-barrier ways to deliberately build a sense of patience and apply trust to your inner movements, thus removing the need to always be seeking the next source of external validation.
It’s fulfilling to work hard and make significant progress in the tasks we set out to complete. But the productivity pendulum can swing the other way and become unhealthy if we overwork ourselves to the point of frequent fatigue. By setting boundaries with your employer or job obligations, you can prevent burnout and make certain that every day extends an opportunity for you to be both useful and restive. Doing so often requires assertive communication to both advocate for your needs and arrive at a consensus of reasonable expectations. This can extend to social situations as well; learn to say no to friends or colleagues if you know that accepting the invitation will knock you off balance. You can convey gratitude to be included and suggest other times or activities that will better suit your well-being.
Newsflash: you stand to benefit from programming time to go for a bike ride or conduct some walking meditation after a hard end-of-the-work-day deadline. But indulging in hobbies or activities that bring you joy is also healthy! Self-care doesn’t have to be limited to trying out new and challenging tasks. Appraise which of your personal interests you could just talk endlessly about and how you might protect those pursuits. The pleasure gained from starting a new crochet project, setting aside an evening for a good movie, or facilitating a board game night is no trivial thing if it regularly makes you happy. Find a friend or family member who shares your interests and schedule a weekly date to meet up and take part in your favorite thing together.
The above self-care tips provide a good place to start when creating your own daily, habitual practice. But you don’t have to set off on supporting your mental health all on your own. Inner Clarity provides a roster of experienced professionals who offer virtual therapy services capable of being tailored to the most effective treatment for your individual needs.
Virtual therapy services enable you to support your mental health in the most convenient way possible. This way, you can check in with a qualified provider about the ongoing status of your self-care routine from the comfort and privacy of your own home, which makes it easier to maintain a consistent commitment to weekly sessions. An Inner Clarity expert therapist who will become familiar with your mental health challenges can also render customized self-care tips for what will be most beneficial to your comprehensive well-being. That means that a counselor can teach and troubleshoot what kind of mindfulness techniques work best for you based on you, help form realistic physical activity goals, and assist you in talking through how to communicate boundaries with your boss or loved ones.
In today’s busy world, applied self-care is a reliable method to create a foundation for your own physical, mental, and social health. Constructing a daily routine that periodically embraces physical exercise, mindful techniques, firm boundaries, and occasions for unabashed joy will offer a well-balanced well-being. What’s more, Inner Clarity therapy services are the best at orchestrating a plan for obtaining a sustainable self-care plan on top of personalized counseling. That way, you can engage in specific services — perhaps you’re interested in cognitive behavioral therapy for generalized anxiety, or marital counseling for you and your spouse — while also enacting a self-care routine outside of regular sessions with the confidence you are participating in the right medley of treatment for you. Partner with Inner Clarity and request an appointment today to learn more about how you can embark and empower yourself on your self-care journey.
Understanding Depression: Learn more about the disorder to find the right online therapist best suited to your needs
Chances are that you or someone you know has struggled with depression. A major episode can last at least two weeks, but stretch on much longer as a loss of interest in daily activities and other complications take hold. In the U.S., depression affects around 17 million adults, the National Library of Medicine recorded, though that count is likely an underestimate because many people don’t seek medical attention. But that doesn’t have to be the case. Online therapy for depression is one of the best ways for those grappling with the disorder to connect with a qualified professional and gain an individualized approach to effectively manage otherwise exhausting symptoms.
According to the American Psychiatric Association, depression is a “common and serious mental disorder that negatively affects how you feel, think, act, and perceive the world.” A diagnosis likely arises if you report prolonged feelings of sadness, fatigue, difficulty focusing, and diminished self-worth. Depression often involves significant changes to previously established aspects of your life, as activities you once took pleasure in become no longer enjoyable.
Some people experience repeating episodes of depression, while others undergo persistent periods, struggling with it seasonally or after childbirth. If gone untreated, the disorder may result in suicidal ideation — if you’re having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
Symptoms and serverity of this disorder ultimately vary, but three general indicators tend to surface in those who need online therapy for depression:
Consider these signs to determine if you might want to pursue an online therapist for depression.
There’s good reason to be sad about many things in life, but it becomes a different matter if you experience depression every day. People wrestling with depression tend to describe enduring bouts of emptiness, in which the drive to pursue new or exciting things has crumbled away.
Crucially, depression in this case is not merely a “rut” or a particularly intense case of the blues that someone can simply break out of on their own. People diagnosed with depression often report getting less from the world around them.
Depression often negatively affects what fundamentally helps regulate a person’s mood. For example, around 40 percent of people diagnosed with insomnia also have clinical depression, a Sleep Medicine Reviews study found. Without the restorative hours of rest needed to feel balanced, fatigue strains the ability to stay concentrated. Likewise, depression’s knack for sapping away happiness means it may unfortunately seem more appealing to stay in bed and just sleep.
What’s more, depression can result in fluctuations to appetite, as past favorite food becomes no longer enjoyable, or you turn to eating as a coping mechanism. The resulting change in one’s body weight may further disrupt their feeling of autonomy.
Without the motivation to do simple things like get out of bed, get in the shower and get dressed, it may feel impossible to muster the energy needed to take on the rest of life’s many complex but rewarding challenges. Depression is a draining disorder precisely because it makes it difficult to feel good about one’s self in light of prolonged periods of not accomplishing tasks.
This becomes particularly challenging when it spurs a self-repeating cycle: withdrawing from the hobbies that previously provided a steady stream of fulfillment may give way to a pattern of self-isolation after it feels too daunting to re-engage.
Beginning the search for online therapy for depression might seem overwhelming at first, given the number of therapists and treatment options available. Inner Clarity can help you identify the characteristics of an online therapist for treating depression who can tailor a treatment program to meet your needs.
As depression is one of the more common mental disorders, a good portion of therapists have experience in treating it. However, some counselors who offer online therapy for depression have more specific qualifications or certifications that distinguish their experience. Furthermore, symptoms of depression can arise or manifest in ways unique to your life. Weigh whether you’d like to prioritize working with an online therapist for depression who relates to your gender identity or culture background in order to feel the most comfortable in discussing sensitive matters.
One method toward treating depression may work better for you than others. Some counselors employ Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which addresses the disorder by recognizing and disrupting learned-patterns of negative thinking. Others are trained in Interpersonal Therapy, which provides a more structured process towards addressing your relationships to others by targeting four main areas of stress. Whichever therapy approach you prefer, an online therapist can tailor its steps, its process to fit around your specific goals.
Online therapy for depression is unique in that it’s one of the most accessible forms of health care. By tuning into a secure video call from the privacy of your own residence, you cut out potential barriers that could have otherwise prevented you from joining a session. Say goodbye to time-consuming commutes to distant offices, and hello to flexible scheduling instead. Furthermore, countless American communities suffer from a shortage of mental health providers. Online therapy platforms allow you to access counselors you would otherwise never have available nearby — professionals willing to meet you where and whenever you are.
Depression isn’t something that should be swept under the rug. Its symptoms can be deceptively enervating, or outright debilitating. Protracted feelings of hopelessness, exacerbated by an altered sleep schedule, abnormal appetite and loss of energy all spell out a need for professional mental health support. Inner Clarity offers you an opportunity to match with an online therapist for depression who can provide substantial help through individual, marital or even group-focused models. Request an appointment to learn more about how you can gain a a clear mind for a healthy life.
Understand how mindfulness therapy can change your life through three strategies.
An increasingly popular form of therapy is also one of civilization's oldest. We’re talking about mindfulness therapy, a holistic practice that emphasizes the connection between one’s mind and body through accessible, meditative techniques. Though members of various religious traditions have been implementing mindfulness-informed exercises for generations, The National Library of Medicine recently recorded that Google’s search volume for “mindfulness” increased by 95 percent between 2004 and 2020. That surge is a testament to the growing recognition that mindfulness therapy is an effective tool for addressing a wide range of mental health concerns.
Review this Inner Clarity guide to learn more about what defines mindfulness-based therapy and gain strategies for how to cultivate its benefits to improve your everyday life.
Some principles that undergird mindfulness therapy might sound simple in theory, but they can potentially transform one’s life.
For example, you may be familiar with the virtue of non-judgemental observations. It’s important not to assign wholesale good or bad judgments to other people based on every little thing they do. Now imagine wielding that same caliber of acceptance towards the constant tide of your inner experiences. Instead of ruling out entire situations, try being curious about your feelings and you’ll notice how they arise and change, how no experience is intrinsically one fixed way. To that end, patience, trust, and deliberate attentiveness to the passing moment are other key principles of mindfulness-based therapy.
Enacting such an approach in your daily routine, much less in stressful times, is a difficult task. That challenge is compounded by the fact it requires a gentle kind of focus, and we live in a world where technology is always available to snag our attention. Regardless of where you are or what you do, know there are manageable ways to incorporate the tenets of mindfulness into your life.
To improve your ability to start and end each day with a sense of mindfulness, consider embracing the following plan: explore regular meditative procedures, integrate mindfulness into everyday tasks that you otherwise overlook, and introduce mindfulness to how you interact with the people around you in order to enhance interpersonal relationships.
It’s no coincidence that breathwork is a part of many common meditation methods. Since our breath is a constant but fluid feature of every moment we’re alive, focusing on our breathing allows us to find a calming foundation to center ourselves and build mindfulness.
It can take as little as five minutes before bed, sitting on a cushion and noticing your own steady breathing. Or, you can lie on a yoga mat and conduct a “body scan,” which entails slowly shifting your consciousness up from your toes through your limbs, torso, and finally to your crown. Any amount of time you can dedicate to collecting your attention inward will likely capture and grow a steady sense of mindfulness.
Once you start carving out space for specific mindfulness techniques, it’s possible you won't want to stop. However, mindfulness is something you can incorporate into everyday, mundane tasks. How? Try commuting to work without any music or podcasts, and set an intention for the day. Likewise, sit down to eat dinner without watching a screen, and try to savor every bite, noticing when you’re no longer hungry.
Leaning into mindfulness during daily activities will reduce overall stress levels, as you may be holding more tension than you realize. Thus, you will free up your mental bandwidth to be more focused and productive. Furthermore, easing mindfulness into routine responsibilities can expand a sense of gratitude and fulfillment out of ordinary events.
The advantages of mindfulness don’t have to stop at the individual level. After becoming comfortable with the way emotions surface and move, you’re apt to gain a new perspective on how to articulate what is causing patterns of stress in your life. Appreciating the temporary nature of your feelings may also allow you to step outside of yourself and lend more empathy to what others are going through.
Certain mindfulness techniques — like avoiding multitasking when interacting with someone, refraining from assuming what others think or feel, and “going with the flow” rather than having preconceived ideas of interactions — will enable you to communicate more effectively, resolve conflicts, and enjoy time spent in the company of your interpersonal relationships.
While the value of mindfulness is clear, constant work emails, family group chat notifications, blaring news cycles, and the latest popular television show all offer a source of interruptions. That’s why working with a trained therapist who specializes in a mindfulness-based approach can help you gain the support needed to cut through the noise and build a practice designed for your specific mental health needs.
Mindfulness therapy sessions are often grounded in conversations to identify and diagnose harmful thoughts or behaviors. The therapist may then incorporate mindfulness practices like those listed above to help you become aware of those dysfunctional patterns, learn how to break out from them when they arise, and prevent them from repeating. According to Psychology Today, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy has been proven effective at treating a variety of disorders, such as depression, generalized anxiety, and addiction.
Mindfulness therapy can reduce stress, improve concentration, enhance your ability to regulate emotions and foster more resilience to uncertainty, all through relatively inexpensive methods that prioritize calming breathwork and self-acceptance.
You might now understand why mindfulness has become a well-sought-after practice. Its techniques, many with ancient origins, allow you to access a deeper connection to the beats of your everyday life and unlock a more peaceful existence. Consult Inner Clarity’s roster of qualified professionals who have experience in providing mindfulness therapy through a virtual model so you can feel supported in embarking on your mental health journey from the comfort of your own home. Request an appointment today to bring your mind, body, and spirit into balance and create a clear mind for a healthy life.
Whether you’re seeking cognitive behavioral therapy for a panic disorder, group sessions to address social anxiety, or marital counseling for you and your spouse, Inner Clarity has you covered with a range of qualified professionals available online.
Hanging out with friends, shopping for groceries, arranging travel plans. Living with anxiety means routine activities like these can easily become suffused with tension and even lead to panic attacks. While stress is a natural part of everyday life, the National Alliance on Mental Illness reported that over 40 million Americans have an anxiety disorder, making it the most common mental health issue in the country. The good news is that connecting with an anxiety therapist can help you gain relief and resilience from the disorder’s disruptive symptoms.
Read this unique Inner Clarity guide to learn more about the different types of anxiety, whether any of their signs ring familiar to your daily experience, and how to find a professional counselor who will provide the most effective treatment for you.
A hallmark of anxiety disorders, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, is that typically, temporary nervousness or fears linger and get worse over time. Worrying about something important, like a job interview, can be useful when you’re galvanized to practice for it ahead of time. But anxiety disorders often cause physical ailments like chronic fatigue, stomachaches, and heart palpitations — which get in the way of feeling prepared for anything.
Just as there are many sources of stress, there are multiple kinds of anxiety disorders.
Generalized anxiety disorder involves sustained feelings of dread, making it difficult to concentrate or fall asleep. This disorder usually runs in families and starts exhibiting itself in your childhood years, Johns Hopkins Medicine found.
Social anxiety disorder concerns feelings of discomfort around others, so you might sweat, become self-conscious, and avoid making eye contact in group settings.
A panic disorder is normally diagnosed if you experience sudden episodes of feeling out of control, where your heart races and your chest hurts. These can happen multiple times a day, leaving you on edge while waiting for the next one.
Working with a qualified anxiety therapist to determine whether you have a specific anxiety disorder can help clarify how to move forward with care. Consider the following signs that ordinarily accompany any anxiety diagnosis if you’re seeking mental health support.
Take notice if you frequently feel restless, tired, or strained. Anxiety can be linked to various other underlying medical conditions, according to The Mayo Clinic. Enduring tension might be a sign of heart disease, diabetes, or drug misuse. It’s not uncommon for anxiety to manifest physical complications, like gastrointestinal issues, and anticipating those physical complications could spawn further distress.
A consistent symptom of almost every anxiety disorder is spiraling worry. This may entail lengthy periods of feeling on edge, involuntarily ruminating over what previously occurred or might happen, that far exceed the proportion of real danger posed by a situation. When controlling nerves or phobias feels like an unmanageable task, anxiety regularly causes people to harbor an impending sense of doom.
If left unchecked, an anxiety disorder can disrupt many aspects of everyday life. Anxiety might prevent you from concentrating while at work or staying present while in the company of loved ones. When worries remain at the forefront of your mind, pushing out other important things deserving of attention, it’s time to get assistance from an anxiety therapist.
An anxiety disorder doesn’t have to be a lifelong burden that you simply accept. Therapy for anxiety can help you comprehend the patterns that create persistent nervousness, gain specific coping skills to address stress in a healthy manner, and ultimately reclaim the parts of your life that were made unavailable due to anxiety.
Sitting down with an anxiety therapist, in particular, means you can access mental health care that is tailored to treat your specific disorder or concerns. All therapy programs and treatment plans create the opportunity for improving one’s mental health, but investing time with a professional who understands your individual needs is crucial for tackling the cause, and not just the symptoms, of anxiety.
If you’ve committed to seeking out an anxiety therapist but feel overwhelmed about starting the search, you’re not alone. Finding a therapist who will offer the best match can be challenging when there are myriad options available for such an important resource. Review Inner Clarity’s three helpful tips for obtaining the right anxiety therapist for you.
First, reflect on what you hope to accomplish while in therapy for anxiety. As outlined above, there are varying types of anxiety disorders and symptoms. Self-assessing what disorder you relate to most or what symptom you’re repeatedly grappling with can help you feel prepared when it comes to communicating your goals with counselors. Further, pinpointing your needs allows you to streamline your pursuit toward therapists who specialize in the treatment methods you prefer. For example, professionals trained in administering cognitive behavioral therapy are consistently well-suited to address general or social anxiety disorders. And for some people, a therapist of the same gender, or who understands one’s cultural background, is key when it comes to opening up about sensitive matters contributing to anxiety.
There are plenty of ways to explore qualified anxiety therapists, but some avenues might return better results than others. Your primary healthcare provider is a good place to start securing a counselor in your insurance network, and professional associations often boast extensive online rosters of qualified therapists located near where you live. Sometimes, the best options can be found by perusing what mental health care options are offered by therapy practices that prioritize the same values you do. All therapists accepting clients at Inner Clarity implement a mindful, holistic approach to treatment. By reading a therapist's professional profile, you can learn what unique education and certifications they include in their work.
Perhaps you’ve nailed down what you’d like to accomplish in therapy, but don’t know how you’ll reach those goals. Fortunately, therapy sessions can be tailored to meet your needs. Individual therapy is fruitful, but group therapy can offer a chance to learn from other people navigating similar issues, and family therapy can help confront the dynamic source of anxiety in a productive way. Lastly, while in-person therapy has long been the traditional norm, more and more folks today are taking advantage of the benefits of virtual therapy. Communities across the country lack robust local mental health care resources amid a shortage of providers, and the online modality can offer you access to anxiety therapists you would otherwise be unable to meet from the comfort and privacy of your own home.
Though anxiety disorders are cited as the most common mental health concern in the country, there’s no reason why they should be misunderstood or ignored. Equipped with intelligence about the conditions and what to look for while searching for the right anxiety therapist, you can feel confident you’ll find a professional capable of personalizing a care plan to obtain the growth and relief from anxiety you deserve. Whether you’re seeking cognitive behavioral therapy for a panic disorder, group sessions to address social anxiety, or marital counseling for you and your spouse, Inner Clarity has you covered with a range of qualified professionals available online.
Request an appointment today to begin your journey towards a more balanced mind for a healthy life.
Mental health check-ups through virtual therapy services are an essential way to access proactive care and create a clear mind for a healthy life.
Every year, millions of people meet with their doctor for a regular physical. These check-ins monitor the patient’s health, and any new ailments can be detected early enough for effective treatment. One’s mental health is a crucial part of every person’s well-being and should be prioritized no differently. Mental health check-ups through virtual therapy services are an essential way to access proactive care and create a clear mind for a healthy life.
Perhaps you’ve worked with a therapist before because you were struggling with mental health challenges. Sitting down with a qualified professional is one of the best methods available toward learning how to navigate your mind and gain new coping skills. However, therapy is increasingly beneficial when it’s utilized more than just as a reactive measure to a crisis.
Mental health check-ups provide the opportunity for you and a provider to establish an understanding of your inner landscape and identify ongoing behaviors or habits to address. By frequently meeting with a therapist, you can prevent certain mental conditions from worsening with stress and disrupting your daily routines. Mental health check-ins ultimately contribute to your ability to manage anxiety and other concerns through nourishing practices that foster resilience.
During a typical mental health check-up, your therapist may ask you a standard set of questions about your mood, thoughts, behaviors, and memory. A therapist may also record information about factors that impact your mental health, such as your work, marital, family, and social history.
While it can be easy to lose track of how our mental health gradually shifts in our day-to-day lives, such targeted assessments mean you’re more likely to catch the onset of new symptoms or understand why new conditions have arisen. And by constructing benchmarks for your mental health, you can feel confident that new therapy practices or medications are providing signs of improvement.
Finding the right therapist for you in order to conduct these mental health check-ups can be a daunting task. Many communities grapple with a shortage of mental health providers, and it can be difficult to commit time out of our busy lives to the search. But by sharing three new strategies, Inner Clarity can help connect you with a trained expert.
By taking stock of your mental health concerns, you can organize what you hope to accomplish through counseling sessions. You may want to identify stress patterns in couples therapy, participate in group therapy for a safe space to navigate your emotions in, or explore a specific style of individual treatment like cognitive-behavioral therapy. Pinpointing what is most important to you will allow you to confirm you are paying attention to the right items in your mental health check-ups.
Many counselors specialize in unique topics or techniques, so exploring reputable online directories and what options are available through healthcare providers can enable you to find someone you’re comfortable establishing a schedule of mental health check-ups with. While it can be overwhelming to peruse so many therapist profiles, focus on platforms like Inner Clarity that offer professionals with decades of experience and individual approaches.
Wanting to pursue providers who can meet locally face-to-face is completely understandable, but note that doing so may narrow your options and obstruct you from meeting with a provider who will offer more effective treatment through virtual therapy. Taking your mental health check-ups online means you can fit them into your packed plate from the comfort of your own home, without ever having to factor in inconvenient commutes.
Consistent mental health check-ups will guarantee you have a grasp of your current mental health, where it has come from, and how it might change. Just like any other physical exam, sessions with a therapist will help you screen future disorders and assure they are treated effectively. In order to find a qualified provider to weave in mental health check-ups with the individual or group services you seek, consider forming your preferences first and initiating consultations through virtual therapy.
Request an appointment with Inner Clarity today to start your journey toward balance and a clear mind for a healthy life.
Connecting with a therapist is one surefire way to gain a productive space to discuss challenges and develop healthy coping skills. But … figuring out what types of therapy are right for you is not always as simple.
So, you’ve decided to invest in your mental health. Congratulations! You’re making a great choice. Connecting with a therapist is one surefire way to gain a productive space to discuss challenges and develop healthy coping skills. But while it may be clear you’d like to move forward with treatment, figuring out what types of therapy are right for you is not always as simple.
There are so many different issues and goals that every individual may bring into therapy and there are even more strategies to address them. By exploring what therapy methods are out there, you can identify which will provide the most effective care for your mental health needs.
At Inner Clarity, we not only offer high-quality therapeutic services with professionals trained in a wide range of specializations, but helpful guides to inform what options are available and what strategies work best for those committed to gaining a clear mind for a healthy life.
Perhaps you’ve read some self-help books and found that you desire more professional guidance to understand yourself and your past. Maybe you’re looking for structured therapy sessions from which you’ll be able to walk away with specific techniques to employ in your daily routine. Or, you’re searching for someone you can trust to unconditionally assist you in delving into your thoughts and feelings.
Ever since the field of psychology first emerged in the late 19th century, the theoretical frameworks behind what therapy entails have only diversified and grown. The following types of therapy access almost every possible mental health condition a person could want to redress. At Inner Clarity, our therapists utilize best-practice techniques using evidence-based interventions to best address the needs of our clients.
Cognitive behavioral therapy has become increasingly popular in recent years and for good reason. According to the American Psychological Association, the core principles behind CBT presume that mental problems are largely caused by learned patterns of negative thinking that can be recognized and supplanted.
CBT is particularly effective in treating certain conditions like anxiety or depression because counselors often provide “homework” assignments to patients in order to disrupt what they have become accustomed to and show that there are alternative ways to respond to stressful situations.
If you have experienced a traumatic event and would like to address it without necessarily talking about it at length over the course of many sessions, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy could be what you’re looking for. EMDR prompts patients with guided eye movements and instructions that help access unprocessed memories tied to the source of distress with the goal to resolve how they are stored in the brain.
The EMDR Institute, Inc. cited a study that showed 100 percent of single-trauma victims were no longer diagnosed with PTSD after just six 50-minute sessions. The tactic can enable you to manage memories of past stress while no longer reliving them, though it’s important to note reports show EMDR is most effective for those suffering from specific incidents of trauma and not overlapping mental illnesses.
For those struggling with borderline personality disorder, eating disorders, or substance abuse, consider pursuing dialectical behavioral therapy. This treatment style was designed specifically for patients striving to achieve more sustainable self-regulation as it focuses on supporting one’s ability to recognize their constant flux of feelings, and understand that life is a complex process that requires a continuous dialogue between the self and others, Psychology Today states.
According to the National Library of Medicine, the word “dialectic” itself refers to the synthesis of two opposites: both the change and acceptance of difficult patterns in one’s life. You can access DBT through individual therapy sessions, group skills training, or even phone coaching.
Maybe you’re navigating symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and are looking for support to regain control from the compulsions causing interruptions in your life. Exposure and response prevention therapy works by helping you practice, first gradually in a safe and controlled setting, confronting what triggers your compulsions so that you may retrain your brain to respond to them in a different way.
Though challenging, continuous ERP helps build lifelong resilience; instead of helping you remove or avoid sources of stress, you learn how to accept them as a part of everyday life and how to respond to them in ways that are no longer debilitating. In fact, reports show that OCD can worsen with time if gone unaddressed by the evidence-based tools like the kind ERP offers.
Interpersonal therapy furnishes unique benefits to those wanting a structured and short-term process toward substantive change. Instead of rooting around in the time of one’s early development, it examines the current state of your interpersonal relationships and how to improve, among other things, your communication skills.
As the Center for Addiction and Mental Health states, interpersonal therapy addresses four main areas that are common sources of stress: major life changes (like the loss of a job), grief, difficulties in sustaining relationships, and general conflicts in relationships. This mode can also manage mood disorders and anxiety or bulimia.
The world of psychology was forever changed when the Austrian neurologist Sigmund Freud developed the main tenets of psychodynamic therapy in the early 20th century. This style of talk therapy often interprets one’s current mental concerns as stemming from early childhood conflicts. Freud believed that by interpreting one’s past experiences and unconscious mind, you could resolve the root of a person’s current problems.
Psychodynamic therapy is a great option for patients interested in learning more about themselves by analyzing their dreams, exploring free association exercises, and discussing how they transfer feelings about past experiences onto new ones.
Now that you’ve received a lay of the land on what types of therapy you have to select from, it’s crucial you reflect on your own personal preferences, treatment goals, and past therapy experiences when it comes time to move forward with a provider.
Inner Clarity’s services provide the opportunity for patients to pair with qualified counselors who have experience in multiple different therapy modes. Whether you’re looking for an individual, couples, or family therapy model, consulting with a professional about what type of therapy is most appropriate for your mental health will start you on the most effective path.
Given the many kinds of therapy available, it can be daunting to actually seek mental health services. Here are three tried-and-true strategies for finding a provider who is a good match.
Perusing therapy directories or online platforms can make it easier to find a professional counselor who specializes in the type of mental health care you are interested in working with. You can also consult peers who know you best for recommendations on therapists in your local orbit.
But what may be most conducive to meeting the right therapist for you is engaging with therapy practices that share the same general values and priorities you do. Inner Clarity’s roster of qualified professionals all believe that a person’s mind, body, and spirit need to be in balance in order to achieve a healthy life.
The forces driving you to seek therapy can seem overwhelming when taken in all at once, but if you take the time to contemplate what specific concerns rise above others, that will help the therapist you eventually work with understand what to prioritize in your sessions.
Furthermore, understanding what style of therapy you think is best suited to your needs — whether CBT, DPT, psychodynamic therapy, or something else — will guarantee that you will be matched with providers who have training in that field of treatment.
Many communities across the country face a shortage of qualified therapists, stranding those in need with few local treatment options. Fortunately, virtual therapy provides increased access, especially for those seeking therapists with unique specializations.
Virtual therapy also provides unrivaled convenience, making it easier for people to fit therapy into busy lives from the comfort and privacy of their own homes. Through online therapy, mental health relief is ultimately available anywhere you have an internet connection.
Every person deserves access to quality mental health services. By identifying what type of therapy corresponds correctly to your mental health affairs, and following the strategies shown by Inner Clarity for accessing a provider capable of offering that treatment, there’s no limit to what goals you can realize.
Whether you’d like to virtually pursue cognitive behavioral therapy through individual sessions, or interpersonal therapy with you and your partner, request an appointment with Inner Clarity today and we’ll get you on the path toward a clear mind for a healthy life.
Cultivating interpersonal connections for your mental health: Three online relationship counseling tips from Inner Clarity's team of virtual therapists.
Regardless of where we are, our lives are inextricably tied to the people we’re surrounded by. Whether that’s family, friends, workmates, or even outlying acquaintances, everyone in our orbit has the ability to impact our overall well-being. That’s why learning how to foster strong, positive connections with those around us is such an important endeavor. Online relationship counseling can help you understand what healthy interpersonal bonds look like and how to facilitate them with the people you care about.
Review this Inner Clarity guide for three practical steps toward improving the romantic, familial, and platonic relationships that populate your life in order to attain balance for a clear mind.
Experts agree that what each individual first recognizes as a healthy relationship often derives from what they saw modeled while young. If people in your childhood household avoided discussing their emotions or failed to listen to one another, you may have developed a belief, through no fault of your own, that it’s right to carry on that behavior in your other relationships.
But it’s important to affirm that healthy relationships consist of people who are committed to identifying their emotions, sharing them, and therefore appreciating each others’ feelings. The relationships you want in your life, the kind that will support you, are built on mutual respect and trust. While it’s relatively common for someone to have differing expectations or even act dishonestly, there’s no good reason to tolerate that kind of conduct from folks you know and love.
Unless you live alone on a remote island, every day offers an opportunity to uphold the kinds of connections that you enjoy and value. By employing an active communication style, intentionally approaching your relationships from a place of empathy, and firming up clear boundaries that buttress the needs and limits of all parties involved, you can feel confident that you’re well prepared to properly maintain the ties that you have to others and create ever new ones.
A commitment to open communication lays the foundation of any healthy relationship. Without being honest with someone about what you’re thinking and experiencing, wanting and needing, how else can you enable that person to understand or meet your expectations? Though it’s a two-way street, of course. Effective communication requires that each participant be quiet while the other person is speaking and genuinely listen to what they’re saying.
In practice, try offering physical cues while someone’s sharing something with you, like nodding or making eye contact to let them know that you’re being present. Another great strategy is to couch your messages in a specific structure: state what you feel, why you think you feel that way, in what circumstances you’ve noticed feeling it, and what you would like to happen next.
While relaying one's feelings is vital to any relationship, it’s perfectly normal for two people to feel differently about the same situation. This means you may not immediately relate to what your spouse, friend, or colleague is expressing to you. Regardless, relationships can still thrive despite participants’ differing backgrounds if each person prioritizes empathy – the ability to imagine someone else’s perspective and, therefore, gain an understanding of what they are going through. Empathy is important because it allows you to determine that whatever decisions or changes you make together are best for everyone involved.
You can cultivate empathy by explicitly validating the emotions the other person is conveying, asking open-ended questions to learn more about where they are coming from, and examining your own biases to notice what misbeliefs are preventing you from appreciating others' feelings.
Sometimes, it’s difficult to realize that a bond is unhealthy. That’s because friends, romantic partners, and even family members can develop into co-dependent relationships, in which you are incredibly close but ultimately in a way that is unhealthy for each other’s well-being. By setting boundaries, you can set a framework that protects your personal space and individual needs.
Begin by evaluating what kind of behavior is off-limits between you and another person or even in what circumstances you would prefer to spend time together. If someone doesn’t respect your boundary even after you’ve articulated it to them, that’s a clear sign they don’t respect what is best for you. For example, a work peer may begin confiding in you about serious challenges they’re experiencing in their personal life. While it’s important to support your fellow team members, you may also express that you’re not comfortable discussing sensitive matters in the workplace and offer to assist them in finding help from a professional.
Inner Clarity’s virtual therapy services provide one of the best paths forward to solidifying healthy relationships in your daily life. Our experienced mental health providers are prepared to apply their expertise to your unique situation and fashion guidance that will further your beneficial relationships and address your detrimental ones. As a result, our online relationship counseling is capable of transforming sources of stress into reclaimed sources of connection.
Online relationship counseling is also special because you can meet with a trained therapist from the comfort and privacy of your own home. This means scheduling therapy into your busy calendar becomes easier than ever, and you can schedule consultations with counselors from all over the country rather than being limited to what provider offices are available in your local area.
Our romantic, platonic, and familial relationships with other people are essential parts of life, but their integrity must also be maintained. Healthy relationships of the kind that help us feel less alone and give us joy are possible through the exercise of clear communication, empathetic listening, and rational boundaries. Working with a therapist via Inner Clarity’s online relationship counseling will ensure that you can nurture healthy relationships. Request an appointment with an Inner Clarity counselor today to begin your journey toward your best life.
Inner Clarity has identified three effective approaches for steering any person striving to make the most out of Florida therapy services: define your preferences, utilizing online resources, and schedule initial consultations.
It’s become a well-known fact that mental health is a critical part of any person’s life. Without a balanced mind, it can be difficult to navigate daily stressors, harbor positive self-esteem, and plan for the future with confidence. In states like Florida, which faces a dire shortage of practitioners, the struggle to find the right therapist can act as a major obstacle in the search for Florida therapy services.
One of the best ways to promote mental health is by working with an experienced therapist. Matched with the right guidance, every counseling session means accessing a source of attentive support and making significant leaps towards achieving your goals.
Yet finding a compatible therapist isn’t always easy. Plenty of states, including Florida, have developed shortages. When evaluating what professionals are available, new patients must discern whether those providers are suited to treat their specialized needs.
For those struggling to begin their search, know that you’re not alone. But by sharing new strategies on how to connect with qualified Florida therapy services, Inner Clarity can help ensure you have expert company while on your path towards holistic wellness.
For many people, the opportunity to finally sit down with a therapist cannot arrive soon enough.
However, in our busy lives, it isn’t easy to build time around securing something new, something we may have learned to cope without. Recognizing what type of mental health concerns you want to prioritize, where to look for experienced professionals, and how to follow through with obtaining accessible care can come as a daunting undertaking.
While there are numerous advantages to pursuing providers who are available to meet face-to-face, exclusively limiting your hunt to in-person sessions will only reduce your options. Expanding your search online will allow you to reach countless trained professionals outside the bounds of your immediate vicinity.
Inner Clarity has identified three effective approaches for steering any person striving to make the most out of Florida therapy services: define your preferences, use online resources, and schedule initial consultations.
Consider asking yourself what any therapist will eventually inquire: what do you hope to accomplish from counseling? A therapist can help arrive at a possible diagnosis, identify stress patterns, teach you various coping skills and ultimately create a safe space for you to negotiate your emotions. Pinpointing what part of your life you would like to address first will enable you to put your best foot forward.
What’s more, providers bring specialized experience in specific topics and in employing specific treatment techniques. Is it a “must have'' quality that your therapist is the same gender or offers Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? Seek those who you know you’ll feel comfortable with.
Once you have a sense of what you’d like to explore while in Florida therapy services, turn your attention to where you can apply your criteria. Online directories grant the ability to see a wide range of options all at once, with descriptions of therapists’ educational backgrounds, professional memberships, and personal approaches readily available.
Review platforms can also prevent you from wasting time with providers who are not part of reputable practices, or those outside of your insurance coverage. Therapists with decades of experience can extend insights that providers just starting out might not.
Finally, take heart in knowing you don’t have to commit to working with a therapist before meeting with them first. By scheduling initial consultation sessions, you can gain a sense of whether your personalities will gel for a trusting and productive professional relationship.
This is important because working with a therapist is a two-way street. Just as an initial consultation is a chance for you to ask relevant questions about a therapist’s treatment style, the provider will likely have a number of questions they’d like to ask you back in order to see if they agree you're good to schedule a follow-up appointment.
Despite what may appear as a challenging endeavor from the outside, investing time and effort into finding the right therapist for you will undoubtedly boost your position in your mental health journey. Don’t settle for just any provider when your mental health is a crucial part of everyday life.
If you’ve been delaying finding a therapist, take notes on what you’re looking forward to tackling, and consider contacting us today to schedule an initial consultation with Inner Clarity’s extensive team of counselors, who are prepared to provide Florida therapy services tailored to every individual.
Being a first responder is no easy job. If you are a first responder, or know someone who is, you know exactly what I am talking about. The average person’s worst day is considered just another day on the job for a first responder. First responders witness some of the most horrific things.
Being a first responder is no easy job. If you are a first responder, or know someone who is, you know exactly what I am talking about. The average person’s worst day is considered just another day on the job for a first responder. First responders witness some of the most horrific things and are expected to carry on with their lives as if nothing happened. The first responder culture is a unique one. They have a special bond to one another that “outsiders” may not completely understand since it is hard for them to fully grasp what a first responder goes through daily. First responders are made up of all different job titles and duties, including: firemen, law enforcement personal, paramedics, EMT, search and rescue, and even 911 operators. However, they all tend to say the same thing when responding to a tragedy – “I was just doing my job”. Although a heroic statement, this mindset can create a burden on a first responders mental health and overall wellbeing as it normalizes the trauma they experience. It is estimated that 30 percent of first responders develop behavioral health conditions during their time of service, including depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as compared with 20 percent in the general population as sited in the SAMSHA research bulletin (Abbot et al., 2015). Additionally, trauma is not the only hardship a first responder is known to endure. First responders are known to have the highest level of workplace burnout due to the stress relating to their job, as well as always being in a first responder role even when they are not working. First responders work long, difficult hours including holidays, causing them to be away from their families and loved ones. This contributes to burn out and feeling isolated or alone.
On a positive note, the culture surrounding first responders has been changing. In the past, many first responders would not seek mental health treatment due to the strong stigma of being considered “weak” if they seek out help to treat their trauma, or even talk to someone about what they have witnessed. In the past, many first responders were told to “suck it up” when faced with emotional hardship as it is just part of the job they signed up for. Fortunately, we are moving toward a more accepting world in which first responders feel more comfortable seeking treatment due to trusting mental health providers. Mental health providers have a natural ability to create a calm, open, and nonjudgmental environment for clients to share in. This is especially important for first responders. Many first responders may feel judged or untrustworthy toward a mental health provider as they are an “outsider” looking into their world. This trust is built on mental health providers becoming more educated about the life and culture of a first responder, and truly understanding why first responders partake in this line of work.
First responders benefit from mental health treatment as it gives them the opportunity to process what they have witnessed, as well as learn about how trauma affects their work, family life, health, and overall well-being. Mental health providers can provide first responders with the tools they need to process and cope with their trauma. In doing so, they become more knowledgeable regarding burnout and the importance of self-care to improve their mental health, allowing them to do their job to the best of their ability. Recently, more first responders are seeking treatment but sometimes lack encouragement and support. Encouraging a first responder to seek therapy and normalizing the need for treatment is extremely important. Support is the first step a first responder needs, leading to the confidence to seek treatment and improve their mental health and overall well-being.
Beginning your first year of college is filled with an abundant number of changes and emotions! It may feel like you are walking into the unknown.
Beginning your first year of college is filled with an abundant number of changes and emotions! It may feel like you are walking into the unknown. Here are a few things that might help you prepare for your first year.
1) Register for Classes as Soon as You Can
Don’t wait until the last minute when it comes to registering for classes each semester. If you wait, you may end up in a class you don’t enjoy for the next four months. Focus on being proactive when registering for classes.
2) Organization is Everything
Come up with your own system that can help you maintain some structure throughout each semester. For example, maybe invest in color coded folders and highlighters for important test dates and large assignments. Not only is it important to organize your schoolwork but organization within your dorm room is crucial too! Living in a clean and organized space will take some stress off of your plate.
3) Procrastination Will Be Your Biggest Enemy
Waiting to do your studying and schoolwork will add nothing but stress. Not only will getting your work done in a timely manner help you succeed, it will also decrease your stress levels and allow you to enjoy your new friends and dorm life.
4) Have A Routine for Everything
Having routines is something us humans thrive off of! A routine to follow for your morning/night schedule, your classes, exercise and chores will assist you with staying on track. PS: write down what you have to get done and cross it off when finished!
5) Your Syllabus is Your Best Friend
In every class each professor will give you a syllabus with important due dates. Everything that you see there you can write in your planner or in a safe place.
6) It’s OK to Not Know What You Want
Going into college, you may have an idea on what major you’d like to study. Or, you may have no idea, which is also ok. You might also decide to change your major. All of this is ok! You will find something you enjoy, even if it takes some exploration.
7) Develop a Relationship with Your Professors
Your professors are an asset to you. Ask questions and schedule meetings to discuss the lessons and the curriculum you’ve been taught. Go visit them during their office hours. This shows that you care about your grades and success in their class.
8) Know Everything Available to You
Find out what programs your college/university has to offer such as counseling and tutoring. Your college wants you to succeed and they have so many programs along the way to help.
9) Don’t Be Afraid to Ask Questions
You are not expected to know it all. College is all about learning new things and if we don’t ask we may never know. Ask your professors and your peers questions, they are there to help. It could even help to form a study group. Remember…there is no such thing as a stupid question!
10) Make Time to Make a Phone Call
Going away to college is not only a big step for you but it also is for your family and friends from home. Social and familial support can decrease sadness and stress. When you can, make time to call and give updates.
11) Give Yourself a Break
College can be a large adjustment from high school. Make sure you give yourself breaks from studying and homework to eat or chat with friends. This is also a great way to provide your own self-care.
12) Plan Ahead of Time
Your schedule may consist of back-to-back classes which, can make it difficult to take a break (tip #11). The night before a big day make sure you have snacks, a drink, and a meal to take with you.
13) Consider an Early Internship
Participating in an internship will not only build your resume but it will show you a glimpse of what it will be like to work in that field. This experience can help you make decisions for what’s next.
14) Rent Versus Buying Textbooks
Textbooks can be expensive. Read over your syllabus and listen to your professor. They may provide you with advice on renting versus buying textbooks. When it comes to books in your major, they may be helpful to buy and keep for the future.
15) Put Yourself Out There
Get out, join clubs, meet people, make friends and make memories!
You are going to do great! Remember these 15 tips when you are feeling overwhelmed or making a decision. If you are experiencing any stress when it comes to starting or being at college, please call our intake line and we can assist you with this major life transition.
Being a teenager is far from easy. We all remember the self-doubt, peer pressure, mood swings, and let’s not forget about the hormones.
Being a teenager is far from easy. We all remember the self-doubt, peer pressure, mood swings, and let’s not forget about the hormones. Being stuck somewhere between a child and an adult can be a confusing time. As a parent, it can be even more confusing. The child that once came to you for everything now has a hard time speaking with you and communicating their needs and emotions. When a conversation does take place, it usually ends in a disagreement or a slammed door. Wondering if your child is alright and not knowing how to help can be frustrating, as well as scary, for a parent. If this sounds familiar, and you feel you are currently living this reality, let me share some information with you and talk about the benefits of teenagers receiving individual therapy.
A teenager can be seeking therapy for a number of reasons, such as: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, stress, feeling overwhelmed, behavioral problems, relationship related issues, or trauma. Despite the reason, when a teenager is involved in therapy, they will be able to receive mentoring and guidance in a private setting. Most of the time, teenagers find it difficult sharing their feelings with their parents, or any family member for that matter. As they are already feeling uncertain and insecure about their bodies and/or other aspects about themselves, adding feelings or emotions to the mix can tend to be overwhelming and frustrating. Having a safe, nonjudgmental place for them to share and open up can give them a sense of comfort and security.
Therapists are trained to be non-judgmental and create a calm and open environment for their clients to share in. They take on the role of being a trustworthy, non-pushy confidant and mentor to a teenager, who then becomes more of a person that a teenager can talk with who is non-biased and is able to stay calm and neutral during difficult discussions. Therapy can become a safe place for a teenager to explore their feelings and learn new ways to think and act.
Additionally, therapy can assist a family get through the teenage years as a team. Learning to communicate and validate one another’s feelings will do wonders for the family dynamic. Some would say the teenage years are the hardest years a family can face. With a teenager being involved in therapy, it will benefit the family as a whole and help with making their home more open, calm, and harmonious. Finding a therapist that works for you and your family is a unique journey, but with the right match, could be a life changing opportunity for everyone.
What if there was an easy way to practice meditation in a way that helps you focus, relax, and increase your aptitude for empathy and compassion?
What if there was an easy way to practice meditation in a way that helps you focus, relax, and increase your aptitude for empathy and compassion?
With just 4 sentences recited to yourself or out loud, you can begin a daily practice of METTA Meditation, a form of mindfulness meditation; proven to help reduce anxiety and depression and increase self compassion and enhance social connection.
If you are new to METTA, or any meditation practice, it’s important to remember to have patience with yourself as you begin a practice. Meditation of any form can feel difficult and overwhelming at first. It is through consistency of practice, that you begin to feel more at ease, more peace, and more openness within your heart.
METTA Meditation, also known as loving kindness meditation is a mindfulness practice that allows you to practice sending love to yourself, your friends and acquantencies, and even the difficult people in your life.
During a METTA Meditation practice, you recite the following statements to yourself and do your best to feel it in your heart as you do.
Various versions of METTA exist that all follow the same frame work of statements. It’s important to choose phrases that you connect with personally and worry less about the exact wording. The practice is meant to become very enjoyable, so choose the version that feels the best for you. (You can’t mess this up!)
When you sit for a seated moment to practice METTA, it is suggested to cycle through the phrases with the intention sent for the following people. (It may be helpful to visualize an image of the person you are sending loving kindness toward.)
As you find yourself in a moment of relaxation, begin your practice by going through the 4 statements above to yourself, someone you know, a neutral person in your life, and a difficult person in your life.
While you continue to practice METTA meditation, it is important to begin to connect with the feeling of the words in your heart as you recite them to yourself. Repeating phrases that are coupled with truly feeling the words in your heart is the true practice of loving kindness that allows you to open your heart and find sameness with every being on Earth.
Remember compassion and empathy are challenging to share with others if at first you don’t recognize these sentiments within yourself. That’s why the purpose of METTA Meditation is to cultivate a state of self compassion first, allowing you to find acceptance for you and eventually learn how to share that same level of compassion with all beings around you.
Meditation is a useful and proven tool to help you create more calm and love so you can find moments in peace within and share your ability to love with the world. It’s not always easy, and that’s exactly why it’s called a practice. Therefore, aim not for perfection, rather than the willingness to practice and the dedication to do so.
Meditation, Loving Kindness, and EMDR are just some of the many tools that the therapists at Inner Clarity utilize to help our clients reconnect with themselves and come to a state of acceptance in life. We are here to help you too so you can find peaceful moments as you ride the wave of this ever changing world. Book your first appointment now so you can create your inner clarity and find with giving and receiving kindness to all. SCHEDULE HERE
Becoming a mother. Whether it is for the first time or the tenth, becoming a mother is among the most profound experiences a woman can have in life.
Becoming a mother. Whether it is for the first time or the tenth, becoming a mother is among the most profound experiences a woman can have in life. Your tearful eyes meet those of your bright innocent little baby, and you are forever changed. Your heart, your mind, your very soul explodes with a heretofore unimagined love, a love beyond measure. As any mother can tell you, however, this tremendous flood of newfound love does not travel alone. A new baby is often accompanied by other feelings, many of which are both unanticipated and potent. Joy, fear, pain, sadness, jealousy, elation, embarrassment. It would certainly be fair to call this new group of emotions a bit of a mixed bag. It is then not surprising that some of what we held dear before baby’s arrival seems to be lost in that flood. Before we know it, somewhere in our transition to motherhood, we feel as though we have lost ourselves. Those “selves” we so completely identified with and served as our lens through which to interpret our world? Poof! Gone. Perhaps we look at an old picture or have a chat with a dear friend to reminisce. And a new, uncomfortable question presents itself. Where is that person now? Who am I now?
If this sounds familiar to you, know that you are not alone. In fact, you are one of a great many women who are accidentally left behind by their own mothering selves in the hectic, beautiful whirlwind that becomes daily life. The good news? You may have found your needs, along with your “self”, lost in the shuffle…but you’re still here. Always have been and always will be. The truth is you have simply been conditioned to believe in order to be a mother you must be as selfless as a martyr, absent of all personal needs and, naturally, to push through it all with a big smile on your face. Think about the concept of “self-less” for a moment. Who wants to live without a connection to themselves? Why should you have to? You can shed this conditioning and begin a healthier, more complete and more compassionate relationship with yourself. Becoming a mother does not mean you only exist for others. Here are some ideas on how you can re-establish your connection with “you”.
1. Say “Hi!” to you
Make it a point each day to remember that you are there. Whether it be a quick glance and a smile at yourself in the mirror in the morning, enjoying a hot cup of tea before the kids wake up, or offering yourself a positive “I” statement out loud in the shower, you can find small yet meaningful ways to remember, respect and connect with yourself throughout the day. You can even say “hi” out loud. Hear your own voice acknowledging you. No judgement. No agenda to follow. No schedule to recite. Just pure, simple recognition that you are the one existing in this moment. And you matter.
2. Take time to breathe…REALLY
We often hustle through life without thinking about what we are doing and why. This is a norm in our society. Busyness is celebrated. And with this “normal” way of life we inadvertently create abnormal circumstances for our bodies: we hold our breath. We (hopefully) don’t hold our breath until we pass out, but we do often inhale small, shallow breaths. Our exhales are minimal. We breathe to function, to survive, but not much else. In breathing this way, we remain disconnected from our bodies. To take a conscious, deliberate breath in WITH a purposeful, equally long (or longer!) breath out is to begin to heal and connect through breath work. Conscious breathing in this way provides a signal to the body that all is well. This in turn allows you to settle into your body more deeply and creates a space for peace and tranquility to come through. Ahhhhhhh…There you are!
3. Be a mother to yourself, too
Every mom has that mental checklist for their kids as they navigate the day. Did they eat? Do they have everything they need? Did they brush their teeth? Are they happy? Part of being an engaged parent is keeping our kids’ well-being as a priority and ensuring we look after them on every level. But what about ourselves? Did I eat? Do I have what I need for my day? Did I practice self-care today? Am I OK? Taking time for self-inquiry at least once each day can be an opportunity to acknowledge the beautiful, unique human being you are.
4. Give yourself reminders of the life you’ve lived…And are still living
Remember that playlist you and your college girlfriends always played when getting ready for a night out? Or that picture of you and your family cracking up at some mishap that became a classic memory? Remember the smell of Mom’s cookies baking or tomato sauce simmering as it would fill the air with the loving comforts of home? Things like music, old photos and familiar smells can reconnect us with our beautiful life story and remind us of the many layers of life. Just because we have entered a new phase it does not mean we have to let go of the nostalgic, fun and comforting memories we hold so dear. Take a moment to listen to those songs, look at those photos and bake those cookies. Let it all stir up those big feelings of excitement, gratitude and joy. Bring your past into the present with the intention of filling yourself with goodness. Remind yourself – you are still “you”.
5. You can take her with you…
You know those adorable nesting dolls? The ones where there is a large wooden doll that opens to show it is holding a smaller one inside, and then a smaller one, and another? Think of the nesting doll as symbolic of the self. We do not leave the little girl, the teenager, the twenty-something, etc. behind us. We take them all with us for the ride of our lifetime! They are, and always will be, a part of us…integrated and weaved into the person we continue to become. We can appreciate our youth without longing for it. We can move forward without feeling we are losing the past. We can pack it all up and take it with us. We can bring our inner child to play with our kids in the backyard. We can remind ourselves of our astounding resiliency through the eyes of our teenaged self, remembering all we survived. We can use all the strength and endurance that we have shown along the way as fuel to keep moving forward.
As you move through whatever phase of motherhood you are in, you owe it to yourself to remember the woman you are, respect her and practice nurturing her even as you do the same for your children. You will experience a deeper sense of joy, peace and compassion for yourself that will ultimately also benefit the relationships with others you hold dear to your heart. Just make sure to keep “you” close to your heart, too. Learn more about our services here.
Read about how forgiveness sets you free and can help you heal but making it a practice to benefit your own self growth can be very difficult from Inner Clarity.
Forgiveness. The word alone can make people cringe at the thought and shutter with resistance. It’s been said that forgiveness is not about accepting the actions of another that you are enraged about, rather, forgiveness is a tool to set yourself free from the mental torture of playback and thoughts that repeat a story that offends your boundaries.
Forgiveness is truly about restoring your emotional state by suggesting more positively feeling thoughts in place of where negative ones used to be when the thought of the offense arises.
It is within using this tool that one learns how to find acceptance and break the cycle of replaying scenarios, harboring resentment, and easing the burdens that all humans carry along their path.
While conceptually, forgiveness seems easy, actually making it a practice to benefit your own self growth can feel really, really tough.
Forgiveness is about learning to create empathy or compassion for the offense that occurred. This does not mean acceptance or creating a space that voids the perpetration.
It may feel really difficult to bring yourself to find feelings of forgiveness for the scenarios where you were wronged. If you have been harboring a perpetration for some time, your hold on to how you’ve been offended may feel tough to edge in a bit of forgiveness.
Many people believe that not forgiving is a form of punishment that should be upheld. The belief is that if ‘I am angry then they are suffering.’ But the truth is that anger only harms the person it lives within. It’s also important to understand that forgiveness does not mean acceptance. It does not excuse behavior of mistreatment or any actions which have crossed your personal boundaries. In truth, forgiveness is an opportunity to reaffirm the boundaries that keep you safe and create more moments of tranquility in your head and your heart.
So what does practicing forgiveness actually look like?
Think of forgiveness as a muscle. The more you begin to utilize it, the more your ability to find peace with it expands. It’s best to begin slowly and consciously. As with your physical muscles, your ability to find moments of forgiveness, ultimately leading to more personal moments of freedom from negative thought, will grow with practice.
How to begin:
Take a deep breath. Resistance easily creeps in when forgiveness begins to emerge. Remember, forgiveness allows you to rewrite your inner monologue so that it includes more peaceful moments within.
Remember forgiveness begins when empathy and compassion can be formed.
In order to start your practice, try to view the scenario with that in mind. Are you able to find some empathy for what has occurred? Compassion and empathy, even the tiniest bit, can offer a small shift in perspective so that human connection can spark.
If creating space for compassion and empathy for the scenario are out of the question it may be helpful instead to turn that empathy inward. Perhaps assigning meaning to your suffering may help you cultivate more compassion for yourself. It may even be helpful to picture yourself standing in front of yourself and embracing the vision of you in an all accepting hug.
Call in support and surround yourself with forgiving people. Begin to recognize forgiveness in others and align yourself with those who can support an attitude of growth rather than energy of bitterness.
As you begin your practice of forgiveness you will notice that more moments to practice arise. Consider this an opportunity to make a small shift in your thought. The more you practice the ability to find forgiveness through empathy and compassion with little things, the more you will notice that your happiness will increase.
Forgiveness is not acceptance. It’s merely a chance to shift what’s in your own head and heart so you can free yourself of thoughts that incite unfavorable feelings within.
Creating states of empathy can help reconnect with compassion for yourself and others that will ultimately help to create more moments of perspective. Ultimately, forgiveness is a tool to free yourself of the burdens that are carried when there is an interference with your internal peace.
Ready to begin to share your story so you can create more peace in your life? Reaching out to a therapist is a great way to find more moments of joy for yourself. It’s a process, and we are here to help. Book your first appointment HERE.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is diagnosed in the Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) by symptoms of depression that begin in the winter and remit in the spring.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is diagnosed in the Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) by symptoms of depression that begin in the winter and remit in the spring, requiring at least 2 seasonal depressive episodes over the last 2 years. SAD can cause significant distress that impairs your ability to perform normal daily activities such as engaging in school, work, or hobbies. One in twenty people in the US experience SAD, and it is more common among women.
Many of us feel the winter blues without meeting the full diagnostic criteria for SAD. The short days and cold weather can make us feel fatigued, unmotivated, and gloomy. Even if it isn’t as severe as SAD, the winter blues can dampen our disposition and prevent us from feeling like our best selves.
If this sounds like you, you’re not alone! Here are some tips to combat SAD and the “winter blues”:
1. Maintain a consistent sleep cycle that aligns with daylight hours. Wake up when the sun comes up. Experience as much of the daylight hours as you can. And try to get to bed early to ensure you get sufficient sleep.
2. A better diet means more energy and a better mood to accomplish daily tasks. Adjust your diet to include less junk food and more whole foods. You are what you eat, so prioritize fresh produce and well-balanced meals. You’ll feel proud for prioritizing self-care in a necessary part of your day.
3. Incorporate regular exercise into your week. Humans were not designed to sit all day long. Exercise can help regulate mood, facilitate digestion, and promote more restful sleep. To keep yourself accountable, schedule your workouts at specific times of the week with a particular workout in mind. You can also work out with a friend virtually, or in person outdoors with masks. Some great options include weightlifting, bodyweight exercises, Pilates, yoga, running, or a brisk walk.
4. Schedule a hobby into your daily life, even if just for 15 minutes. This forces you to focus on yourself and feed your soul with activities that make you feel like your best self. That natural dopamine hit is good for you!
5. Create a sunny indoor environment. If you work from home, move your desk to the window, preferably south-facing if you’re in the northern hemisphere.
6. Take Vitamin D supplements. Vitamin D has been shown to help regulate mood. Vitamin D is made by our skin, but short days and limited time outside prevents us from getting our usual solar dose. You cannot make Vitamin D from sunlight shining through glass windows, unfortunately, so direct sunlight is important.
7. Spend time outside. This expands on the prior point. Breathe the crisp fresh air and feel the sun’s direct rays. An outdoor walk or even coffee on the porch should help. It’s also good to break the cycle of staring at walls, especially if you work from home. Staying in the house for days on end can mess with your perception of time and make you feel like you’re unproductive, in a rut, or boring.
8. Create additional light sources after sunset. Get a light therapy box to reactivate those light-seeking areas of the brain. At minimum, candles can help create a warm and cozy living space.
9. Take time out of your day to call or video chat with a friend, loved one, or therapist. We are social animals, even those of us who are introverts. Human connection can relieve anxiety, remind us that we’re not alone in our winter blues, and allow us to talk and think about other things. This helps us get out of a repetitive negative headspace.
10. Write down positive experiences and things you’re grateful for. This will encourage you to practice healthy levels of optimism, which can influence your mood for the rest of the day.
11. Buy a plant and thrive together. Organisms need sunlight. If your photosynthesizer can get through the winter, so can you. This also gives you someone to take care of other than yourself.
12. Look on the bright side of winter. Get excited for the post-snow glow, when the sun finally comes out and reflects off every snow-covered surface. The light will fill your house!
13. Create a ritual to look forward to at sunset. Maybe make tea, or light incense, or stretch on the floor. This creates a positive association with nightfall, and can make it feel like less of an “end” and more like a transition.
14. Leave the house, even if it’s already dark. Seeing other people at the store will remind you that it’s still daytime. It will help normalize doing daytime/evening activities despite the early sunset.
Make a conscious effort to try some of these tips as a self-care pursuit. Your health comes first, and everything else is influenced by your mood, perspective, energy, and wellness.
If you’re concerned you may have SAD, share your concerns with a therapist, psychologist/psychiatrist, or family doctor. You may benefit from antidepressants or other treatments in combination with the above lifestyle changes. Click here to find out more about how the therapists at Inner Clarity can help.
We have all heard clients use this phrase in sessions. They, like us, can describe themselves using "parts" language.
We have all heard clients use this phrase in sessions. They, like us, can describe themselves using “parts” language. Something like this may sound familiar, “A part of me wants to do this but another part of me wants to do that.” Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a model of therapy that helps clients to develop relationships with their various parts in a way that feels integrative, healthy, and clear, thereby alleviating the symptoms causing them distress. There are many “parts” to this model, but for this blog’s purposes, I will help illustrate how to utilize IFS language in a clinical encounter and also speak to the conceptual nature of this model that serves as its foundation.
Parts
Parts are categorized into “firefighters”, “managers”, and “exiles” to help categorize their function in the client’s system. A firefighter is a protector part that acts swiftly, quickly, and intensely to help manage a situation that feels overwhelming or too scary. For example, a firefighter part may tell a client to drink alcohol excessively to avoid something too big, too much. A manager part (also a protector) may tell a client to work excessive hours at his job to help manage the uncomfortable feelings of fear, anxiety, sadness, grief, etc. An exile is a part that typically has gone “underground” for a significant period of time due to the pain, shame, or fear it once experienced at an earlier time, and the manager and firefighters have come on the scene to help protect these exiles from ever having to feel that pain again.
You might be wondering at this point how this model of therapy can help with the many issues clients bring to therapy. IFS therapists devote a lot of time helping clients appreciate the positive intentions of these protector parts in their systems. These parts are very used to feeling shamed, criticized, or “bad” for how they go about protecting the client from feeling pain. We help clients develop a new relationship to these parts that feels more accepting, nurturing, and understanding. This relational shift opens an opportunity for these parts to change roles in the client’s system. A firefighter part who tells a client she has to binge eat in order to avoid an aversive feeling or to possibly feel more control in an overwhelming situation, will inevitably feel the freedom to support the client in more adaptive, healthy ways. However, first, this part has to feel the freedom to shift into its new role, and that comes with the confidence that the client can handle life’s circumstances on her own.
Curiosity
Where to begin you may ask? Well, curiosity is a great access point to making contact with these protector parts in non-judgmental, open, accepting ways to help understand their positive intentions. It’s remarkable how these parts reveal their concerns, beliefs, and worries when approached with open curiosity. They sense the spaciousness the curious energy brings with it and can rest in the awareness of new possibilities. This awareness serves to soften its edges. The softening of the edges and dampening down of the intensity of these protectors allows for the space to trust the client’s Self Energy. Once trust is established between these protectors and the client’s Self, the IFS therapist works to expand this Self Energy as it’s energy knows no bounds.
Self Energy
In the IFS model, Self is energy we all possess. It comprises of curiosity, compassion, courage, clarity, confidence, connection, calm, and creativity. This is the energy we can bring to our protector parts who play their respective roles only with the intention to help and protect, always with unintended consequences. Think of the person who tends to criticize or shame himself before someone else does or the person who incessantly stays busy to feel competent or in control. These are protectors doing their due diligence so intolerable pain and vulnerability can be thwarted. An IFS therapist will help orient the client toward this Self Energy before nearing toward the exiles, or old wounded parts of the client. This is where trauma resides, frozen in time, fiercely protected by Protectors.
Final Thoughts
There are additional stages to this model such as the Witnessing and Unburdening stages which carry with them their own techniques for trauma reprocessing and/or symptom relief. However, I honed in on the aspects of curiosity and Self Energy to illuminate the transformative, resourceful energy we all possess and how to see our individual protector parts more clearly for all their positive intentions. I find this aspect of the model to be so crucial because it offers hope and compassion, and orients our clients to a path forward out of their pain.
Stephanie Carpizo, LPC is trained in the IFS model and currently taking new clients through Telehealth.
Please call 732 639 0232 to schedule an appointment, or click here to schedule.
In relationships, one of the hardest skills to master is healthy and effective communication. Realistically, we might not be able to completely eliminate...
“Good communication is the bridge between confusion and clarity”- Nat Turner
In relationships, one of the hardest skills to master is healthy and effective communication. Realistically, we might not be able to completely eliminate disagreements and misunderstandings from our day to day life, but applying communication techniques could potentially increase connectedness as well as create a safe emotional environment for both partners.
The following are some skills that we can use when communicating with our partners-
There are many different effective ways that couples can communicate. Through rituals and healthy habits we are able to create connections that we can count on. By using some of these skills, we can help to increase healthy interactions and reconnect during a time filled with uncertainty and stress. Do you think couples therapy would be helpful for your relationship? We can help. Click here to connect to Charlene’s page.
Easily, this is a trait that any parent would want their child to hold. Likewise, if you had a friend who was struggling with self-esteem and self-worth...
Are you someone who struggles with self love, self esteem, or self worth?
By definition Self Worth means “ an individual’s evaluation of himself or herself as a valuable, capable human being deserving of respect and consideration.” (APA Dictionary Definition)
Easily, this is a trait that any parent would want their child to hold. Likewise, if you had a friend who was struggling with self esteem and self worth, chances are you’d wish this level of self love for them too. Yet for too many, self worth has been muted and minimized for so long that at this stage in the game, it can feel nearly impossible to build it back up.
The truth is, all humans deserve to feel loved, worthy, and capable. So, if along the way, you adapted a belief that you are not; the following advice will help to bring awareness to your thoughts so that you can begin to make small shifts toward massive amounts of worthiness for your uniquely perfect, amazing self.
Happiness is the birth right of every human being.
Every single person deserves love. It is your right to feel good about yourself and create your own version of personal happiness. It’s not selfish to command a high sense of self-worth or to feel fulfilled and content in your life. If fact, feeling good about yourself is the most selfless act to take. It is within loving yourself and your own unique quirks that you are able to create more compassion and empathy for the imperfection in others around you.
Still struggling to appreciate your inner awesomeness? Here are some quick tips to begin to tune in and gently shift your dialogue to one that encourages more love, compassion, and forgiveness for your number one….YOU!
By beginning to tally when your inner critic says nice things about you versus when that inner voice attacks your desires, actions, and abilities you will begin to notice the programming within.
The Golden Opportunity – The more you begin to recognize your inner critic that emerges as judgment of yourself, the more you can learn to shift to a better thinking thought that may begin to allow you to build yourself up, rather than tear yourself down.
As you recognize a belief about yourself that makes you feel poorly, remember that you are a human being who is doing their best. Hold the belief tightly that you are doing your best. And within that, that you are deserving of feeling like enough and knowing that you are giving your absolute best. No matter what the circumstance, what you are able to give moment to moment is always enough.
In today’s comparison driven culture, it can be difficult (and often feel downright uncomfortable) to pat yourself on the back. But the truth is, you deserve daily accolades – so don’t be shy about taking them!
Find more ways to give yourself credit for being amazing!
Find comfort in allowing these things to be enough and pat yourself on the back for getting through the day.
After all,
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” – Dr. Seuss
Also, you rock…remind yourself more often.
Surround yourself with people that allow you to feel good about yourself.
Find a community online, a trusted person in your family or circle of friends where you feel secure to feel good about yourself.
Remind yourself why you deserve reciprocated love and friendships.
Exercise, craft, write, or sing.
Be creative and allow your emotions place and space to move.
Your definition of feeling good is not open to anyone else’s opinion. The more you continuously make deliberate choices that help you to feel good about YOU, the more you will find that taking a stand in the pool of self worth is truly where you’d like to be.
Listen, human beings are not meant to be perfect. In fact, you can spend your entire life trying to find one (a perfect human) only to recognize that every single being is riddled with imperfection.
It is not the perfection that creates an amazing human, rather the imperfection held by all that create uniqueness, quirks, and the specialness that makes you, you.
Your uniqueness is what makes you incredible! Spending time to embrace it helps to elevate your personal sense of self.
By creating more awareness around your sense of self worth, you continue to shine light on what is working for you, and what needs to be redefined so that you progress toward more of owning your inner awesomeness.
Struggling with Self Worth but deep down know that life is meant to feel good?
At Inner Clarity our therapists work with you to help unpack your inner dialogue and create steps toward success so you can love yourself more, feel good inside, and know that in every moment, you are good enough.
Ready to learn how to find more personal love for you? We are here to help.
Did 2020 mess with your goals? Thank goodness another New Year is on it’s way! Many people are inspired by big goals and use this time of year to assess their desires.
Did 2020 mess with your goals? Thank goodness another New Year is on it’s way!
Many people are inspired by big goals and use this time of year to assess their desires. Yet the ability to take action and remain consistent as you work toward accomplishing goals can be daunting…especially in the face of adversary and uncertainty.
The only constant in life is change, a la 2020, so learning to become more resilient in order to create more personal accountability is necessary to achieve your personal successes while learning to live riding the waves of life.
As the reveal of the new year gives you moments to reflect on what you’d like to achieve over the next 12 months, the truth is, in order for you to find success with any goal, it needs to feel electrifying!
Excitement and Belief
Your level of excitement is a huge factor in your ability to achieve. Too much excitement can cause unnecessary pressure that has many jumping ship when the windy path toward success feels tough. Too little excitement and you’re likely to exchange your goal for that last piece of chocolate cake that’s been calling your name.
Excitement is in direct proportion to your level of belief and actualization.
In order to achieve, you first have to believe you are capable of it. Want to lose 50 pounds? Ready to reconnect relationships? Looking to start a business and take your career to the next level?
All of this is possible….as long as you believe it to be.
Your success on any goal correlates your belief that it can or can not happen. The more you see yourself on achievement alley, the more you will align your choices to help get you there.
Keep a Promise to Yourself
Why does it feel so hard to stay consistent to yourself but easier to stay accountable to others?
As a rule, let’s begin to understand that when you make a promise to yourself, or set a goal, it is because you believe it is for your own good. Yet, when the going gets tough, even convinced it’s for your best life, throwing in the towel happens more easily than you’d like.
This does not mean that you are not good enough to stick to what you say. This is not a matter of productivity vs laziness.
The truth is, you lack integrity to yourself. Yup, that’s right…when you say you are going to do something, and then don’t, it’s not because you can’t achieve physically…..it’s because you accept lying to yourself more than you should.
See, you’ve been conditioned to not bring disappointment to others. The social stigma of letting another down is ingrained in many people throughout their childhood and easily translates into adult living.
This is exactly why people show up, work harder, and stay more committed, when working with a personal trainer, business coach, or accountability partner.
You are also used to working toward someone else’s expectation of you. That’s why you work harder when accountability is around.
In the same breath, you are used to giving up on you, that’s exactly why you do that too.
So how can you up your personal integrity while keeping the promise of working toward a goal for yourself?
Start with making your goal non-negotiable.
Then, work daily through committing to small tasks and completing them.
Day in and day out, you will begin to find that there is nothing more gratifying than sticking to something you say you are going to do for you.
Achieve Mini Goals
Along your path of progress, it is important to set up mini goals and celebrations. Mini goals are daily or weekly accomplishments that bring you closer to your overall dream.
Rome wasn’t built in a day and mountains aren’t scaled by one giant leap. Step by step and brick by brick is the exact way to get you from where you are to where you know you are meant to be.
Don’t forget to celebrate your milestones along the way!
Bringing it all together
Achievement and Success are yours for the taking. Working to enhance your level of excitement and accomplishing manageable, daily tasks are all parts of keeping a promise to yourself.
As you continue to raise your personal integrity you will realize that success is imminent and worthy in your life. Everything that you dream of for your highest good is achievable. Keep going!
At Inner Clarity, our therapists are trained to help you recognize your patterns and learn to work in a way that brings you more personal fulfillment, achievement, and success. Together, we work so you feel guided toward uncovering how to live your best life and keep promises to yourself. Ready to make the next year your best year? Schedule an appointment HERE.
It’s that time of year when you tend to go over and above all the calls of duty and expectation for your kids. The magic of the Holidays truly resides in your hands, and to make this season more magical than ever, you are going to have to work extra hard.
Dear Mothers,
It’s that time of year when you tend to go over and above all the calls of duty and expectation for your kids. The magic of the Holidays truly resides in your hands, and to make this season more magical than ever, you are going to have to work extra hard.
Or don’t you?
Many Mothers believe that Holidays don’t happen, unless they work hard, create an enchanting setting, and practice perfectionism so that their children can create memories worth sharing. In order to make this happen, too many women sacrifice their mental well being, financial stability, and time management in order to go over and above the role of Mom/Santa/Gift Giver Extraordinaire.
The truth is, creating memories that last a lifetime doesn’t need to require you to feel burnt out, exhausted, and appreciated less than you’d like. Running yourself ragged this time of year can lead to melt downs, resentment, and complete and utter exhaustion.
You can still make incredible memories with your family by doing what you love, setting appropriate boundaries with your energy (mental, emotional, and financial), and taking moments to pause to truly appreciate the gifts of the year.
2020 is different. The desire to create fascinating experiences for your children to remember forever is still strong. However the ability to make that happen through external sources, pictures with Santa, memories around the menorah and kinara, and outside family traditions have changed. Yet that doesn’t mean you have to find new ways to take yourself down to zero in order to provide your children with love, special moments, and sacred family togetherness.
So how do you create magical moments without driving yourself to the brink of resentment for the 2020 Holiday season?
Here are quick and easy tips to create a holiday of connection, without losing your cool and learning to revel in the specialness of this time of year.
Mama, you are the magic that moves every season, and never is that more true than now. Remember, the extraordinary excitement of this time of year is more enjoyable when you practice the pause and enjoy what is already around you. The most important memories are made not when doing things, but by being present and learning to do more of the things that help you to feel calm, joyful, and surrounded by love.
Are you experiencing burn-out due to the stress of the Holidays in 2020? Learn to navigate your expectations, overwhelm, and anxiety so that you can feel aware, present, and enjoy the Holidays this year and every year. You are in control of your emotions. Learn how to work with them and feel satisfied in your life more often. Find out more about seeking professional support HERE.
The most magical adventures can be the most challenging to make tangible.
The most magical adventures can be the most challenging to make tangible. Such is the scientific studies on gratitude and its ability to bring its user increased happiness and decreased depression.
While most people have an instinctive understanding of what gratitude is, it can be very difficult to define. It’s that time of year where everyone seems to begin to focus more on what they are grateful for, and 2020 has shown us simply how necessary it is to find gratitude for one’s own physical health.
It has been said that regular shifts toward gratitude have the ability to heal, balance, and regulate negativity from a person’s life. Since life nowadays may feel without control and filled with concern, creating moments of thanks are essential to put it all in perspective.
Many studies over the past two decades have concluded that people who practice gratitude tend to be happier and less depressed. In fact, research supports the claim that gratitude is ‘the greatest virtue’ and furthermore ‘the mother of all other remaining virtues.’
Gratitude works to help improve all aspects of health.
(Access incredible research and learn more about the studies cited HERE)
As a practice, gratitude doesn’t require much. However, if you feel like you could use some inspiration to cultivate more gratitude in your life, here are some quick tips to make it a daily and regular feel-good routine:
When it comes to gratitude, the fun is in the freedom! Don’t overcomplicate it. While gratitude can be beautifully expressed through actions like writing in a journal, or through hymns and prayers, practicing gratitude is really as simple as sitting with one conscious grateful thought at a time.
Tapping in to your personal feelings of joy, contentment, and regularly finding reasons to rejoice in your life will turn the key towards happiness.
One mindful thought about what is going good in your life can be all you need to transform your mood, realign yourself with the positives, and help you to shift perspective toward all the greatness in your life.
Ready to learn how to tap into the power of your personal gratitude? Visit Inner Clarity today to book an appointment with a Therapist who will help you sift through the moments of your truth so you can lean into focusing on what feels good. Find out more about how we can help!
As 2020 begins to wind down, many are looking toward the Holiday season to bring in a much needed cheer in the world.
As 2020 begins to wind down, many are looking toward the Holiday season to bring in a much needed cheer in the world. But for all too many, approaching Holidays means dealing with loss again, or due to 2020, for the very first time.
Grief looks different this year. It may not only be due to loss of a human close to your heart, grief now abounds in the form of loneliness, separation, social anxiety, and mourning for an older sense of ‘normal.’
As with any occasion that makes you think of togetherness, this upcoming season can be a time of deep contemplation and revisiting the ever fluctuating stages of grief.
If you are experiencing grief this time of year, or any time of year, you are not alone. And while your grief may manifest differently throughout the impending season, know that your feelings are real, valid, and here to be felt.
When you, or your children, encounter moments when it feels too strong to bear, here are some helpful ways to allow yourself to feel while gently encouraging yourself to continue to make a connection with those you have lost and love the most:
Perhaps you are already busy and you are finding that more and more you are distracted by your grief; it keeps you on the couch or pins you to the bed despite all the work you have to get done.
If this is the case, take time to feel your feelings. Be honest with yourself and with those who depend on you.
When it feels right, you can visualize yourself placing overwhelming thoughts on a shelf momentarily. This may allow you the space to work toward your goals with work, home, and additional responsibilities, knowing that you can come back to your feelings and space on the shelf, when you are ready to be done.
Grief is not linear. There is no one road that leads to processing it faster, more quickly, or with ease. In fact, if you do, you may miss out on valuable healing that awaits.
Feelings are here for you to be felt. Sadness, as overwhelming as it feels at times, is a reminder that love once existed in it’s space.
If this year has shown you anything, it’s that you matter, your feelings matter, and health is the most valuable resource on the planet.
Are you experiencing grief this time of year? InnerClarity offers guidance in working with your grief so that you can find moments of joy as you learn to navigate the intensity of your emotions. You don’t have to go through it alone. Schedule a consultation today.
With an influx of adults in transition; uprooted and now working from home or laid off from the massive shift that Covid-19 has brought our way, many partnerships are strained by the change in home/life relationships.
With an influx of adults in transition; uprooted and now working from home or laid off from the massive shift that Covid-19 has brought our way, many partnerships are strained by the change in home/life relationships.
After years of couples finding a groove that works best for them, marriages have been flipped on their head as many now are learning to share more space, spend more time, and navigate the additional stress brought on by quarantines, virtual school, and the fear of falling behind on bills or ill.
Faced with an unprecedented amount of emotional and financial strain, more and more couples are considering divorce as an option to preserve their happiness and their sense of self.
The truth is, not all marriages are meant to last forever. And with the abundance of time many people have now, more and more are making the courageous choice to put their personal happiness above the institution of marriage.
However, if you’re looking to strengthen your relationship during this time, hope has not been lost!
While the increase in togetherness may be tough at moments, here are some ways to Quarantine Proof your Marriage so that you can remain in the committed relationship you enjoy:
The therapists at Inner Clarity are here for you and your partner. We work with you to uncover your needs, help you to feel peace in your relationships, and work to help you take steps toward your personal happiness. Experiencing troubles in your marriage? Book your appointment HERE
Important to note: While many marriages seal their bond and find togetherness during stressful times, many others can become tumultuous.
If you are experiencing domestic violence which includes physical, emotional, and mental/spiritual abuse please call the New Jersey Domestic Violence Hotline for immediate assistance: New Jersey Domestic Violence Hotline
1 (800) 572-SAFE (7233)
It's that time of year again for parents (whether your children are having virtual or in-person experiences)!
It’s that time of year again for parents (whether your children are having virtual or in-person experiences)! This year, of course, poses more questions and uncertainties than previous years due to the ongoing effect of COVID-19 on our personal lives, families, and surrounding communities. Suffice to say, we are all experiencing different levels of anxiety due to the uncertain nature of our lives at the moment. As a parent to young children, I have been reflecting on my own stress levels due to the current circumstances, and have been more intentional in tracking the shifts from “good” stress to “bad” stress and how these shifts impact my parenting.
Good stress is motivating and provides just enough arousal to move us towards our goals. Bad stress exceeds our window of tolerance, a term typically used to describe the zone of arousal in which a person is able to function most effectively. This can happen either because the stress is too overwhelming and going on for too long or our window of tolerance is too narrow or both issues may be at play simultaneously!
This pandemic has been such a destabilizing force for individuals, families, and communities for a myriad of social, political, and economic reasons. We humans like certainty and end-points at the end of the tunnel to help us make meaning out of situations and find solutions to move us forward. Whether your kids are learning from home or back at school, the ongoing uncertainty and ambiguous end point to everything COVID-19 related remains front and center in our minds.
When stress is front and center and begins to overstay its welcome, it has the capacity to wreak havoc on our bodies and minds. When we parent from a place of stress and/or fear, we become rigid, inflexible, and controlling to install some sense of safety into our systems for calming, most of which is happening out of our awareness. And this is where the work begins. It is too easy to direct our frustration towards our children who, let’s face it, are easy targets. They will rebel, test boundaries, make poor judgement calls, spill the milk we just bought, you get the idea! They have the ability to set up a minefield of triggers for us to step into setting off a pattern of reactivity that tends to be contagious. This generates a cycle of more impulsive reactivity in relation to each other which will inevitably spill out into their school lives and friend relationships. What to do?
Step 1: Respond rather than react
First, notice the initial tendency to look outwards for the reason for your stress. This is a reactive response to a trigger. This typically looks like blaming behaviors or having a level 10 reaction to an issue that maybe warranted a level 3 reaction? The act of looking for external reasons for our stress or anger or turmoil is actually a very natural reaction (it hurts to notice our own inadequacies), so try and offer yourself some reassurance during this process instead of judgement. It is through this process of slowing down enough to notice your reactivity that you will develop a more effective response to your trigger.
Step 2: The Mindful Pause
The awareness of responding vs. reacting leads us to step two, (which I think is the hardest part). Step two involves the “pause” we hear so much about in mindfulness training and actually is difficult to put into practice if you’re chronically stressed, or as some of my clients like to say, “revved up.” I like to insert some body awareness into this step which can look like following your breath during this pause or allowing yourself to feel the ground beneath your feet as you count your breaths. If you need more sensory input, this can look like running cold water over your hands or face or utilizing your favorite smell or music to shift your attention. The good news is that urges really do pass quickly when we open up the space to actually feel them and allow them to pass.
Step 3: Choose your Choice
Lastly, make a different choice, do something different, say something different, go somewhere different, you get the point! Victor Frankl famously said, “Between the stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” Give yourself the space to choose the most effective response in that moment and in that day with your child and your child’s response will mirror your own. It might (and probably will) take several tries (or more) to undo an ongoing pattern of unhealthy reactivity, but as I tell my kids, just keep trying. Each time you will learn something new. And this is how we will get through this unprecedented time, together.
We are here to get through this together and it is important to know that you do not have to cope through this alone. Click Here to find out more about the services we offer and request an appointment with one of our highly skilled therapists
Read about dealing with toxic family members including things to remember like surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good from Inner Clarity.
Family – the relationships you don’t get to choose.
Dealing with family can be difficult. In fact, for some…it can become downright abusive.
For many people, dealing with family means dealing with control, emotional abuse, and constant criticism. Not all human beings are capable of exhibiting love in a way that makes another feel heard, respected, and cared for. When this happens, it’s important to know – it is NOT your fault.
Knowing how to approach these delicate relationships, sometimes with the very people who raised you, can be really challenging and painful. But gaining an understanding about how your life can be distanced from theirs in a way that feels most supportive for you is important.
The truth is, You deserve to be happy.
And if your family is a major cause of your depression, self deprecation, or why you always feel stuck, it may be worth examining effective ways to deal with toxic members of your clan.
The most important rule to your personal happiness is to do whatever it takes to surround yourself with people who help you feel good. This may not always be people bonded to you by blood, even if they have raised you.
Here are some important things to remember when dealing with toxic family members:
But if it’s right for you, you can become a Mother or Father and experience family in a completely new way. You can choose love, openness, and acceptance. And this new creation..the family you choose..can begin to help heal the holes left by the first.
You can choose friends who become family. These relationships too can be committed by love, respect, and a desire for closeness.
You can create the family you choose. And you can choose to be bonded by unconditional love.
Remember, when it comes to your family – no one knows what you have experienced but you.
So no one gets to decide what and how it is best to interact with your family, but you.
You have one life to live and that life deserves happiness, joy, and love.
Take action to free yourself from family that no longer helps you move toward the goal of happiness.
Relinquish judgement of yourself and others.
And know that you are never alone.
At Inner Clarity our therapists are trained to help individuals navigate the intricacies of sticky family dynamics. These relationships can be emotional and difficult to untangle on one’s own. If you are looking for a supportive Therapist who can help you undo the web of a no-longer working family dynamic, schedule your appointment today. Gain Clarity HERE.
Have you been wondering why social distancing has been such a challenging transition for so many of us? It’s because we are inherently social beings, relying on social connection for survival, learning, evolving and positive feelings.
Have you been wondering why social distancing has been such a challenging transition for so many of us? It’s because we are inherently social beings, relying on social connection for survival, learning, evolving and positive feelings.
It’s true that social connections foster better mental and physical health. According to an article published in 2007, social supports increase our ability to manage stress. In addition to that, the article states that we are more likely to experience more positive feelings, releasing “happy hormones” such as Oxytocin, when we are engaged with our social supports and social networks. (Ozbay, F., Johnson, D. C., Dimoulas, E., et.al, 2007). In addition to feeling happier, we are more likely to find motivation from our peers. This may be committing to activities together that will foster better health.
When we feel connected to others, we experience a stronger sense of purpose, have stronger self-esteem and have more opportunity to build on these relationships. Here are some ways to stay connected during this pandemic:
Citations
Ozbay, F., Johnson, D. C., Dimoulas, E., Morgan, C. A., Charney, D., & Southwick, S. (2007). Social support and resilience to stress: from neurobiology to clinical practice. Psychiatry (Edgmont (Pa. : Township)), 4(5), 35–40.
What is the purpose of positive thinking? Well, for one, focussing on affirmative thoughts such as ‘everything is always working out for me,’ and ‘today is a great day,’ feel good inside.
What is the purpose of positive thinking?
Well, for one, focussing on affirmative thoughts such as ‘everything is always working out for me,’ and ‘today is a great day,’ feel good inside.
But what if thinking positive thoughts actually did change your life completely?
By now you may have heard of the book, The Secret. (if not, get it or watch the movie on Netflix) The Secret reveals the science behind positive thinking and how exactly it can help to shift your life and move you toward a reality filled with feeling great, embracing what’s next, and knowing that you are supported to live your best life now using the Law of Attraction.
So how does the Law of Attraction work?
Simply put, the Law of Attraction states that what you focus on is what you attract.
What you continuously give your attention and energy to is how your reality is created.
So, if you constantly focus on things that are going wrong, you will be met by more instances where things are going wrong.
Adversely, if you shift your attention to things that feel good, you will continue to be placed in moments to feel good.
The two main factors in understanding the Law of Attraction are belief and intention.
Belief:
In order for the Law of Attraction to work to your benefit, you have to believe completely in what you are focusing on. If you believe that ‘today is a great day,’ state it, believe it, and own it completely. Then, you will be presented with more and more reasons that validate your belief ‘today is a great day.’ Perhaps someone pays for your coffee at the drive through. Maybe you have no traffic on the work. Or maybe you simply smile and recognize all of your personal reasons to feel grateful today.
On the contrary:
Your thoughts are powerful!
If you attempt the belief: ‘today is a great day,’ and immediately follow that with the thought ‘except when I get to work, I’m really not looking forward to meeting with my boss.’ Then, the Law of Attraction is going to meet you exactly where your belief stands.
You may get to work, meet with your boss, be put into a bad mood, focus on feeling angry, and then continue to witness unfortunate circumstances come your way.
The Law of Attraction did not fail, you didn’t really believe that ‘today is going to be a good day.’
You may have thought it momentarily, but one positive affirmation will not negate the true belief inside of you. The belief in the ‘bad moment with your boss,’ was stronger than the belief for a great day. The Law of Attraction meets you always by your actual belief.
Intention:
All energy follows intention. This means that your thoughts go deeper than surface level.
And the Law of Attraction works only when the intention behind each of your thoughts are for the highest good for all.
For example:
Let’s say you really want a promotion at work so that you can get a raise, feel stable with your household bills, and get recognition from your job for doing great work.
If you work to focus on the promotion, and more so – how you will feel when you are called in to the office as you receive the promotion from your boss, what it feels like to pay all your bills on time, and the feeling of accomplishment – you will be using the Law of Attraction to your benefit and help to bring the promotion closer to your truth.
Now, let’s assume that deep down, you have thought about wanting this promotion so that Sally from HR will feel badly because she wasn’t promoted. Maybe deep down you’re excited that she’ll be upset and have to do extra work as she watches you climb higher in the corporate ladder.
If this is the case, then it’s important to recognize that your intention is not aligned with the highest good for all.
So, even if you focus on the promotion, the Law of Attraction will not work to bring it to you quickly because your desire is also aligned with someone else’s suffering.
How to Use it:
A simple way to begin using the Law of Attraction today is by adapting the belief that
‘Everything is always working out for me.’
> That means, even when reality is showing you otherwise (a job you didn’t get, a relationship lost) you feel grounded and secure that these things happened because they weren’t truly for your best benefit.
> Believing that everything is always working out for you will help to shift your mind toward an openness for great things coming your way!
> This quote gives you a great chance to become more aware of the true beliefs and intentions that come up for you when you say it. Understanding the hidden or limiting beliefs that come up around this statement are an essential stepping stone to understanding what has stepped in your way and how to clear it so that you can harness the Law of Attraction for your benefit.
> It will build resiliency in the face of adversity.
> Declaring daily that ‘everything is always working out for me’ aligns your emotions to the feelings of things working out for you.
> When you work to adapt and understand that everything is always working out for you, you welcome in the benefit of believing it is.
The Law of Attraction is an evidence based energetic principle that shares with you that focusing on feeling good will bring more opportunities to feel good your way.
Wondering if it’s worth it to begin to shift your thoughts and feelings to align with more good feelings coming your way? The therapists at InnerClarity, LLC in Hazlet, NJ work with energetic laws such as Law of Attraction so that our clients learn to focus on intention and become aware of the hidden thoughts that stand in their way. At InnerClarity, we believe that your life deserves to feel great. And we work together so that you can create a way of getting there that is in true alignment with what is best for you. Ready to speak to one of our professionals? BOOK YOUR CONSULTATION NOW
Back to School - It’s that time! Summer is quickly dwindling to an end and your parental decision about how to approach your child’s education needs to be decided on.
Back to School – It’s that time! Summer is quickly dwindling to an end and your parental decision about how to approach your child’s education needs to be decided on.
This year back to school looks different for every family. What once was a time filled with the excitement of back to school shopping, coordinating new backpacks and lunch boxes, and gearing back up for structure, is now filled with unanswered questions, risks and concerns, and you know it – masks.
Back to school looks different this year and it’s important to understand that the feelings around it are in sharp contrast to what you as a parent have experienced in the past. Perhaps this year you are experiencing uncertainty and anxiety where excitement used to live. It’s understandable and you are not alone. Parents nationwide are experiencing grief, apprehension and relentlessness when it comes to approaching choices around back to school.
Are you a parent who is gearing up to send your children off to school?
Are you venturing down the path of full time at home virtual learning?
Have you made unconventional choices to educate your children?
Here’s how to thrive during the anxiety and uncertainty during this year’s back to school season:
1. Name your emotions. While in years past it may have been easy to name your parental emotions such as excitement for all the new opportunities a school year brings, or sadness because your baby is getting so big, this school year’s emotions feel…well, different. As with our younger children, it’s important to name the emotions you may be experiencing. Emotions swirl within us as a form of energy desiring to be physically expressed. As Dan Seigel, author of The Whole Brained Child, famously declared: You’ve got to name it to tame it. Take ownership of your emotions (this does not mean to JUDGE them) so you can recognize precisely how you are feeling and how you are reacting accordingly. Naming your emotions can help to tame reactions and lessen the intensity they bring.
2. Take time to process how you are feeling. Once you have pinpointed the feelings that are existing within you, take time to process them. Make a list of all of your concerns surrounding back to school and your child’s safety. Then make another list for all the things you are grateful for this upcoming school year. Allow space and time for you to truly understand your emotional state by dissecting it and seeing it in real time. Your emotions deserve validation. List writing is a phenomenal way for you to maintain emotional resiliency by seeing what comes up as a true concern for you. Approach this exercise with an open mind. There is no right and wrong. There is no judgement. Use this time to acknowledge your concerns (all of them) and then highlight where you find the peace, the appreciation, and the gratitude for the new approach to education that you and your children are taking.
3. Love your babies. Whether they will be doing their school work at the kitchen table or coming off the bus or into your car after a shortened day of in person instruction, remember that your role as a parent is to love your children. In times of uncertainty and during these times of change, remember that the love you have for your children has never wavered. Yes, parenting is an ever changing relationship that encourages you to shift through transitions, make difficult decisions, and feel uncomfortable during times of growth. But reminding yourself why you’ve made the choices you have for your family is important. So when you are feeling overwhelmed, nervous, or anxious, gently shift your focus to your heart and how it feels when you witness your child experience something they love. At the beginning and end of each school day, love for your child will ease your heart, center your anxiety, and shed light on the biggest gift of all – parenthood. It’s never easy but LOVE always makes it worth it.
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” – Corinthians
InnerClarity, LLC in Hazlet, New Jersey is working hard to help parents cope with understanding how to navigate the ‘new normal’ of 2020. Our latest group program, Coping with the New Normal is designed to help adults navigate the intensity of the emotions, anxiety, and grief that have been highlighted during this time. When everything you once knew about ‘normal’ has shifted, it’s time to find certainty and community so you can feel empowered to handle whatever comes next. Pre-register for our upcoming group “Parents coping with the ‘new normal’” by calling 732-639-0232, or click HERE.
To read more about Dan Siegel’s “The Whole Brain Child”, click here https://www.drdansiegel.com/books/the_whole_brain_child/
Tips on how to make your transition into a post-pandemic lifestyle smoother.
It’s been six months since the not-so-welcomed Covid-19 has undoubtedly brought a new definition to the idea of a “normal lifestyle.” With ever-changing guidelines and overwhelming amounts of uncertainty, feelings of stress and concern are inevitable. While these feelings may seem wildly overwhelming, it is important to remember that there are ways to maintain a healthy mindset while tackling all of the challenges brought on by these unprecedented times.
Taking the appropriate steps to ensure you are keeping yourself and others safe while also keeping your mental health a priority can be a lot to juggle, but it is not impossible. Below we take a look at some of the ways that will help you transition into the “New Normal”.
One of the most important things you can do for yourself in times of uncertainty, is making sure you prioritize self-care. As humans, it is natural for you to want to take care of others and do everything you can to make the people in your lives feel safe. But without giving yourself the same attention and care, you can find yourself feeling more stressed and panicked than you were before. When you start to make yourself a priority, the way you respond to outside stressors change. You are more likely to approach uncertainty from a state of feeling calm, collected, and grounded. Setting time aside for yourself to do things that make you happy and allowing yourself to take a break when you’re feeling overwhelmed are wonderful ways to practice self care. In today’s ‘new normal’ grant yourself the willingness to create time for YOU and what you love.
It’s no question that Covid-19 has forced you to change your expectations of what this year and future years will be like, which can result in feelings of powerlessness and fear. The truth is, uncertainty is tough for everyone!
While you may not be able to control how things are going to continue in the future, you can control how you respond. (this is where your power lies!)
Adjusting your expectations to match reality and focusing on what you can control will allow you to cope with the ever changing world you are currently in.
Relying on facts, taking the proper precautions, and striving to maintain as much of a routine as possible are ways you can regain that sense of control and develop a coping mindset that will not only help you now but with other challenging situations in the future.
Unfortunately, there is not much that has not been affected by Covid-19. Just about everyone in the world is learning how to adjust their lifestyles accordingly. Because of this, there are several outlets and resources offering help and guidance when it comes to tackling the challenges of adapting to a new lifestyle and trying to cope with the emotions that come with it. Reaching out for help can give you new perspectives on how to handle problems you may be facing, as well as give you the relief that you are not the only one dealing with these problems. Now is the time to prioritize your mental wellbeing. Reach out to a therapist, call on a friend or trusted neighbor so you can create space in your life and find moments of calm with the ever changing landscape of the world.
The Covid 19 Pandemic is creating history and it is your chance to create a plan for your personal success. Adjusting to change is hard. Creating systems and plans for your overall well being is essential so you can become more resilient, more grounded, and more in tune with your personal guidance system – your emotions!
Inner Clarity believes that you are in the driver’s seat of your personal emotional success. Our trained therapists serve as guides so you can begin to explore your emotions, give them a place to land and feel validated, and learn to navigate the road of uncertainty. Your well being is our priority because you deserve to find happiness. Are you ready to unpack your emotions so you can become more resilient in the face of change? Reserve your spot in our upcoming “Coping with the New Normal” Support Group for Adults (18+) by calling 732-639-0232 today!
For young children, developing life is full of obstacles that force them to process challenges and fall down so that they can learn how to continue to get up...
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way”. -Viktor E. Frankl
Have you ever watched a baby develop? For young children, developing life is full of obstacles that force them to process challenges and fall down so that they can learn how to continue to get up and try and try again.
Despite how amazing it may be to watch resiliency in action, in the eyes of a baby, life can feel pretty unfair at times.
Babies learn to be resilient through doing. They face a road block, express their emotional reaction, and then continue on to whatever is next for their developing life.
As adults, it is important to remember this natural resiliency that we so willingly showed as a child. Resiliency is part of human nature!
It’s time to detach the monkey mind from what is or is not and focus on how to be the most resilient version of your personal self.
You were once a resilient baby. So, what do you have to do as an adult to mimic this important survival skill and encourage resiliency in your grown-up self?
Resilience, in itself, is the capacity of your internal and external systems to deal with change and continue to develop.
Facing opposition is an integral part of life which blesses you with an opportunity to practice being resilient, embrace change, and spur renewal and personal growth.
But it’s not always easy.
Here are three simple steps to continue to encourage your reactions to align with resiliency.
When it comes to practicing resiliency, your mindset will be your best friend. Becoming aware of your thoughts and gently shifting toward letting go help to free your emotional energy to focus on the good. You have the power to create your best life. Believe it and seek out this worldly validation daily. The more you continue to shift your focus toward what is going well, the more open you become to receive the goodness that life has in store for you.
Click here https://www.innerclarityllc.com/our-therapists/ to find out more about our team of therapists each with their own specialty areas. We are here to help you find your Inner Clarity and discover your best self today.
If there’s one thing we know for sure it’s that body’s change. Whether this change comes through aging, parenthood, surgery, or lifestyle, your remarkable body can stretch, shrink, create life, break, bend, and heal. And if there’s another thing that remains certain, it’s that you will remain in your body for as long as you live.
If there’s one thing we know for sure it’s that body’s change. Whether this change comes through aging, parenthood, surgery, or lifestyle, your remarkable body can stretch, shrink, create life, break, bend, and heal.
And if there’s another thing that remains certain, it’s that you will remain in your body for as long as you live.
That’s a pretty important reason to allow yourself to respect and honor the current transition your body is in!
Practicing body positivity is a radical way to transform your relationship to your skin suit and share gratitude for this vessel that carries YOU around. Here are six ways to learn to love yourself so you can find happiness with exactly where your body is in this moment of time.
Practicing body positivity is a deliberate movement to bring more love and gratitude to your deserving self. At Inner Clarity, LLC in Hazlet, NJ our therapists excel at helping people to recognize where they are now and find gratitude for the many roads that got you and your beautiful body here. Our therapists understand how to work with you so you can find peace, respect, and love for your life and the body that allows you to live it. Ready to love your body so you can enhance your happiness? Book an appointment today.
For many years prior to my retirement I dreamt about what it would be like. I imagine most people dream of retirement and believe it will bring immediate happiness. For me, in some ways that was true, but I learned that finding happiness after retiring a lifetime’s long career takes work, self-reflection, and intent.
My Retirement Journey: From Trials and Tribulations to Triumphs
For many years prior to my retirement I dreamt about what it would be like. I imagine most people dream of retirement and believe it will bring immediate happiness. For me, in some ways that was true, but I learned that finding happiness after retiring a lifetime’s long career takes work, self-reflection, and intent. Growing up in a North Bronx area in the 60’s I had been working since I was in high school, with my first job as a shoe salesman. I worked through college and immediately upon graduation, I suited up, and entered the corporate world. If I add it all up, it comes to 48 years, and almost all of my adult life. In my career, I held about 5 different jobs, before my last job at AT&T overseeing a team of talented technical and business professionals. Among these jobs, some I absolutely loved, other times I had jobs that paid the bills to support my family so we could live in more financially stable conditions than I grew up in.
Throughout my career, I traveled quite often, sacrificed nights tucking my kids into bed and reading the bedtime story. Retirement was so far in the future I never gave it a second thought. But fast-forwarding to today, my kids have careers and kids of their own and I am a proud grandfather of 3 special young grandchildren.
Two years ago, my retirement party marked the end of my career with fanfare. I got the quintessential watch and plaque from my team, a large family brunch with gifts ranging from “old fart” t-shirts, to personalized golf swag, to a handmade journal where I expected I’d spend time reflecting during much of my newfound free time. But after the party, a loneliness set in. After 48 years on the go, working with purpose nearly every day, I found an emptiness I had not yet learned how to cope with. Some days were slow, bordering on boring. There were (and still are) times I miss the interaction among the people I worked with. I miss the challenge of making the right decision at the right time, and basking in successful outcomes. The pressure of managing people, being responsible for their continued growth and success, has been lost. These are all examples of the downsides of retirement.
What I have found and consider critical is having someone to talk to, a friend, a relative, a therapist. Someone who you can share with and who will not make any value judgements about what you are doing, or who you have become or who you are. For me, one of the most critical people in my life these days is, in fact, my therapist. There are so many good days in retirement, but help with the bad days is paramount to my successful retirement.
With the help of my therapist, I’ve learned tools and explored resources to reflect, intentionally think about what my goals, passions, and purpose in this new life stage are, called Retirement. As I look towards the future, retirement offers me so much more than I ever could have imagined. It allows me to see my grandkids more, watch them grow, and help them find their own way. I now travel for pleasure more often, without the stresses of stepping away from my work for a few days. I do more of what I love; writing, reading, and playing golf. Time is no longer my enemy. If I stay healthy, I have all the time in the world, to enjoy retirement, enjoy my spouse, my kids, and my grandkids.
Summarizing with Tips:
As you begin to contemplate retirement, you can do some of the following to be better prepared:
On Therapy
In my opinion, an important person in your retired life is your therapist. Therapy has its cost, but the benefits far outweigh any such costs (and in many cases Medicare will cover the expense). So long as you define hese costs in your financial plan, you will be fine. You will most likely want and need someone to talk to who is not related to you to, who can give you an unbiased perspective. There will be good days, there might be some tough days, your therapist can help with both.
If you are seeking professional support, consider engaging with a therapist prior to, and within a few months post retirement. Waiting until you begin to experience the emotions of retirement is certainly acceptable, but I found starting early (before I retired) and sticking with counseling is a good approach.
It is time to make it happen. I hope me sharing my experience may help you along your way to a happy and successful retirement. These years ahead should become the best years of your life.
This story is brought to you by Inner Clarity.
At Inner Clarity, we have a growing team of therapists here to support you. Currently, several therapists at our practice including Licensed Clinical Social Workers, Rebecca Sidotti, and Charlene Kwinter both accept Medicare Insurance. We also have a broad network of community resources and can work with you on your individual retirement journey. Get started today at FindYourInnerClarity.com
The last few months we’ve been faced with a lot of uncertainty and unknowns. Practicing self care during the coronavirus pandemic can help to alleviate symptoms of anxiety, depression and stress associated with social distancing.
Self care – Definition: Doing things that make you feel more like yourself
The last few months we’ve been faced with a lot of uncertainty and unknowns. Practicing self care during the coronavirus pandemic can help to alleviate symptoms of anxiety, depression and stress associated with social distancing. If you feel that you are struggling, I have compiled a list of things you can try at home to refocus on yourself, recenter your mind and make it through the day.
Bonus one for pet owners:
Everyone’s self care journey is unique, so the things that work at home for some might not work for others and that is completely okay. Embrace your individual journey through trial and error and create an individualized tool box full of self care activities. It is especially important that we take the time to learn about ourselves through self care techniques during a global pandemic.
Click here to learn more about our practice, and to request an appointment for you or your loved one.
Although altering our daily stressors may have optimal benefits, it’s not often that we can do that through removing the stressors or changing the situations totally.
Although altering our daily stressors may have optimal benefits, it’s not often that we can do that through removing the stressors or changing the situations totally. Instead of trying to remove the stressors, we can look to see where we can add techniques throughout our day that make our stressors feel less intense. Here are a few tips to de-stress day-by-day.
Tip 1: Identify “Repeating Stressors”
To really know what stresses us out daily, we have to find out if we are in a pattern of stressful citations. Repeating stressors, or stressors that we experience regularly, are situations such as preparing the children for school, driving in traffic, or managing a hectic work-life schedule. Identifying the stressor is the first step to gaining control of it. You can keep track of this in a journal, your phone or just take a mental note.
Tip 2: Cope Ahead
So, now that you have one stressful situation in mind, how do we plan ahead to cope with it? Those moments prior to experiencing the stress are the times in which we have the most control. First, we have to be emotionally prepared. This means that we think about it ahead of time and prepare ourselves with coping skills to manage that particular situation. It’s great to have a mental or tangible list of skills we can use to cope. To best do this, we can look at the situation, our feelings and our reactions. Here’s an example:
Traffic Build up —> Anxiety —> Breathing Techniques/Positive Self-Talk (coping skill)—> Calmer Body —> Mindful Response to Others —> Emotionally regulated for other stressors
Tip 3: Unruly Emotions Need Taming (Adaptive Behavioral Response)
Sometimes, our feelings happen faster than we can apply coping skills, so then we have to manage our behavioral response. For example:
Traffic Build up —> Anxiety —> Body Tension —> Progressive Muscle relaxation (coping skill)—> Mindful response to Others—> Emotionally regulated for other stressors
Emotional preparedness and self-talk are powerful tools we can use to prepare prior to a stressful situation. Self-talk can be as simple as “the tasks from my supervisor can feel overwhelming, but I will be organized and alert so I can feel confident in my work day.” Another example of self-talk while in the stressful moment is “this situation may be difficult, but I don’t have to feel stuck in this feeling. I am safe and I am in control of my body, and if I’m calm about this, I can do this task at my best”. Progressive Muscle Relaxation can be a great tool when we are reacting to our emotional state. When using this skill, you would squeeze and then release every muscle in the body starting with the tips of your toes and ending with the top of your head. It’s important to be mindful about our bodily responses to stress, as our bodies tend to carry stress, even after the stressor is gone.
Tip 4: Morning “Energy Check-In”
Every morning, gauge your emotional energy level (patience, calmness, tension, sadness, anxiety, excitement, etc). This helps us know where we might need extra support. If we’re running low on patience from the moment we wake up, we can always try to turn that around by meditating, prioritizing our tasks, or relaxing. Sometimes, we don’t have the luxury to do this, and that leads us to Tip 5.
Tip 5: Practice “Mindfulness and Boundaries”
So instead, be mindful of how you feel, so that when you’re entering into a situation you are mindfully aware of how much energy you can give the situation before you start to run low on fumes. For example, if you wake up late for work and you start your day rushed, this may make you feel anxious. If you’re anxious, how do you behave (agitated, inattentive, emotional)? Once you can identify that emotion, put those identified coping skills in place. You can do this everyday to maximize your ability to manage stress. This can also help set boundaries with others, meaning, we can appropriately let others know what we’re capable of that day. For example, if we are low on patience because we are experiencing personal stressors such as relationship issues, grief, or financial issues; we can share with others what we are capable of doing to the extent of our control. Again, for the things that are outside of our control, we go back to using our coping skills. Keep in mind that if your cup for the day is already filled to the brim, just adding in one more small thing can make it overflow – leading us to feel overwhelmed, anxious, or even ready to explode.
Tip 6: Regularly “Recharge” to Increase Your Peace
Now that we’ve talked about the things we can do in daily routines to de-stress, we have to put back into our “emotional bank” or “re-charge” our emotional energy. As humans, we can only go for so long on low-fumes, low-energy or emotional challenges. So, just like a battery, we too need to take time to recharge. Find the things that increase your peace. This can be a hobby, a socially uplifting event, or even a simple activity such as watching your favorite TV show, listening to your favorite song, talking to a friend, lighting your favorite candle, or exercising. Even doing a little bit of this everyday can be helpful.
Tip 7: Rinse & Repeat
With these skills solidified, it is important to be consistent in applying them. Emotional states and moods will ebb and flow, and we have to be patient with ourselves. These skills take daily practice, but the results can be life changing. Be mindful and aware of your emotional states so that you are best prepared to handle what life throws your way. Remember that we can only control so much, and when things are out of control, we can find ways to cope and adjust, minimizing stress-levels while maximizing our efficiency.
Therapists at Inner Clarity all have experience and training in mindfulness techniques for wellness. Click here to schedule your appointment and make these day-by-day techniques a priority.
June is PTSD awareness month, and I believe it is crucial to not only understand the clinical presentation of PTSD, but also understand the treatment options. There are many trauma-informed treatments out there. To be “trauma-informed”, simply stated, is to be aware of how trauma impacts a person’s physical and psychological health.
June is PTSD awareness month, and I believe it is crucial to not only understand the clinical presentation of PTSD, but also understand the treatment options. There are many trauma-informed treatments out there. To be “trauma-informed”, simply stated, is to be aware of how trauma impacts a person’s physical and psychological health and to use therapeutic interventions that address the whole person, rather than a sole-focus on the problem behavior.
However, it is important to note that research has shown that the modality of treatment is less of a predictor of effectiveness than the quality of the relationship between therapist and client, otherwise known as “dual attunement” in a model of trauma-informed treatment called, Brainspotting (BSP). In BSP, the ultimate resource is the relationship between therapist and client within the Dual Attunement Frame. It is within this frame that clients are guided through a transformative healing process.
What is Brainspotting?
Brainspotting is a model of therapy developed by Dr. David Grand in 2003 that has shown ground breaking and research supported results in helping people process and resolve the traumatic events that have previously left them feeling “stuck”, emotionally and physically depleted, and/or ashamed. Brainspotting locates points in the client’s visual field that help to access unprocessed trauma in the deeper, older parts of the brain. It is believed that (BSP) taps into and harnesses the body’s natural self-scanning, self-healing ability.
What is Trauma?
Trauma is loosely defined as an emotional response to a terrible event, like an accident, rape, or a natural disaster. An emotional response to a terrible event is natural, of course! However, emotional responses are supposed to “complete their cycles”, so to speak. When an emotional response to a triggering event becomes frozen and unresolved in the person, a traumatic response then takes its place. The category of “trauma” encapsulates such a broad spectrum of experiences, and these experiences can overwhelm the person’s capacity to effectively cope. In addition, some people have no language or memory of the traumatic event(s). Yet, they report a longstanding feeling of restlessness, irritation, boredom, and/or lethargy that they just can’t explain or “shake.” Further, some people have memory of the trauma event(s), yet, avoid discussing the details surrounding the event(s). Clients use avoidance strategies for all different reasons, but commonly they fear the emotional overwhelm that comes with the memory of the traumatic event.
How Can Brainspotting Help with Trauma?
In (BSP), the client explains the concern, worry, or simply states a feeling of agitation that he/she/they cannot explain. Then, a body-resource is located (positive felt-sense in the body) and then paired with a Brainspot, a spot in the person’s visual field that indicates some reactivity, this could look like a blink, a yawn, a twitch, feelings of nausea, etc. The therapist then guides the client through a mindfulness process within the dual attunement frame: the empathic, witnessing presence of the therapist as the client focuses on the Brainspot. Clients may even stay silent if they wish! The therapist purely works with the sensations in the body as it relates to the triggering event, thought, or story. It is within this body-based, deeply attuned process I have witnessed the body unearth and release various forms of trauma. This release opens up a space for clarity, calm, and a newfound sense of compassion for self and others in many clients. As Bessel VanderKolk says, “the body keeps the score”, and just as the body keeps the score, the body also intrinsically knows how to heal. The trained therapist guides and holds the space for this process with curiosity and compassion.(BSP) provides the container for trauma to find its way through and out the body, just as nature intended.
If you or someone you know is seeking a gentle way to approach working through a traumatic event or an event they don’t fully remember or understand, then Brainspotting may be the appropriate treatment. Stephanie Carpizo, LPC is a certified Brainspotting therapist who works remotely so clients can engage in therapeutic work in the safety and comfort of their own homes. Brainspotting can be done with children as young as six. Read more about Stephanie and schedule an appointment with her HERE.
As your body changes through physical fitness, so does your mind when addressing mental wellness. While it may feel like a simpler decision to begin to work on your outward appearance, taking time to work on becoming mentally fit has benefits that go much further than skin deep. Yet, with the rush of modern life, some men still struggle with making their mental health a priority.
As your body changes through physical fitness, so does your mind when addressing mental wellness. While it may feel like a simpler decision to begin to work on your outward appearance, taking time to work on becoming mentally fit has benefits that go much further than skin deep.
Yet, with the rush of modern life, some men still struggle with making their mental health a priority.
So much so, that the disparity between how men and women treat their mental wellness differ tremendously.
There is no biological difference in being predisposed to emotional instability or to cultivate the ability to express feelings between men and women. Both men and women experience depression as well as the full spectrum of all mental illness yet women are diagnosed at alarmingly higher rates than men.
Almost 70% of all suicides are by men. Which means that men are struggling with their mental wellness and not seeking professional treatment to help them cope and feel good in their lives.
As a society, phrases like ‘Man Up’ and ‘Be a Man about it’ shield men from acknowledging their own unique spectrum of emotions. Instead of knowing that it’s acceptable to feel sad, overwhelmed, and cry, many men have been conditioned to ‘suck it up,’ dangerously suppressing real emotional truths about who they are and how they feel. Men are encouraged to lean into reactions such as anger and rage, with a mild understanding that these too are emotions that deserve a secure setting to be expressed without taking a personal victim.
Many men have been conditioned since childhood to tough it out, suck it up, and keep on moving forward. With this programming, it’s understandable why some men don’t feel comfortable reaching out to mental health professionals. Because of this conditioning however, some men are so out of touch with their unique emotional spectrum that they don’t even realize they are depressed or consumed by thoughts that leave them feeling enraged, less then and unworthy.
This conditioning is a disaster for men’s mental health.
Of course, not all men are the same. Some men find the willingness to speak up about how their thoughts are affecting their lives. Yet many still find it terribly uncomfortable.
Men, it’s time to make your mental health a priority!
Here’s a few things you should know:
Emotional are normal.
You were not designed to be stoic.
A range of emotions, including stress, sadness, and depression simply mean that you are a human being experiencing life through your unique lens.
The suppression of your mental health is killing you at alarming rates.
The lack of awareness and connection to your ability to express emotions is causing further repression.
You deserve to be happy.
You deserve to not feel imprisoned by your thoughts.
Mental Wellness is a muscle that can be trained.
Like being in the gym, your mental health enhances when you take time to work on it.
If you don’t know where to begin with exercise, you seek out professional advice.
When you don’t know how to begin with unpacking your mental wellness, seek professional support for guidance.
Therapy is not dramatic.
Therapy is not about laying on a couch, bawling uncontrollably about your upbringing.
Therapy is a safe place to acknowledge your experiences and talk aloud with a professional about how they are affecting you.
Men, your mental health is worth your time. You deserve happiness. You deserve a safe space to feel into your life experiences.
Inner Clarity in Hazlet, New Jersey works with men to help quantify where they currently are in their lives and where they’d like to go. At Inner Clarity, our therapists help men to set goals and learn to rate how they feel so they have an understanding of how to progress toward a life feeling more fulfilled. Our therapists employ techniques such as CBT, EMDR, and Brainspotting; evidenced-based practices used to address depression, anxiety, and trauma. Inner Clarity offers a safe space for men to unpack their thoughts and decompress from their day. an appointment now and get on the path to nurturing your mental health and feeling better, today!
There has never been a more important time to actively practice acceptance and teach the world’s children to do the same. Acceptance is a daily value that needs regular validation and encouragement; giving adult caregivers an opportunity to practice preaching and implementing regularly.
There has never been a more important time to actively practice acceptance and teach the world’s children to do the same. Acceptance is a daily value that needs regular validation and encouragement; giving adult caregivers an opportunity to practice preaching and implementing regularly. Because children engage life with a natural curiosity, insightful adult response is necessary to raise the newest generation to be tolerant, ever helpful, and accepting human beings.
The influence adults have over a child’s forming opinion when curiosity rears its head is tremendous. It’s a heavily weighted responsibility, not to be taken lightly. This means that every eye-roll, sigh, sarcastic comment made by an adult is absorbed by a child. Physical communication as a parent is a major influencer on a child’s ability to truly thrive as an accepting and loving human being.
Acceptance stems from curiosity, empathy, and compassion. Children are taught these emotional states of being as they are taught intolerance, self-absorption, and hierarchy. Ultimately, it is up to an adult caretaker to examine their own levels of intolerance, reactivity, and response so they can teach children to see the world from a more loving place. Mindfulness toward how you feel and what you project toward and in front of children is essential to creating sympathetic human beings who are willing to see sameness in all they encounter.
Acceptance begins at home. It begins within. And with a solid internal foundation of acceptance, sharing with children becomes easier.
Here are three ways to take an active role in teaching acceptance at home.
Looking for a way to enhance the dialogue with children? Anarghya Nirbail, LAC, is a therapist at our practice who specializes in working with children over the age of six. She is formally trained in CBT from the Aaron Beck Institute and is able to implement play therapy in order to engage children in the therapeutic process. Read more about Anarghya, and schedule an appointment with her HERE.
The last two months have been extraordinary and trying times for many of us. Among the many social media posts on the topic of COVID-19, there was an especially profound metaphor for the current situation we find ourselves in.
The last two months have been extraordinary and trying times for many of us. Among the many social media posts on the topic of COVID-19, there was an especially profound metaphor for the current situation we find ourselves in. In it, the author (attributed to Damian Barr) stated “We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat.” This imagery creates the idea that we’re all in rough seas, but the tools we have at our disposal can vary greatly. Some may be in life rafts while others are on super yachts. The seasickness may be real for us all, but some are coping well while others are struggling to survive. This poem speaks empathetic ally and passionately about being there for each other, and seeing other points of view, through incredibly challenging times.
So how do we support each other? How do we truly listen? How do we take care of our families? How do we take care of ourselves? Here are a few tips we’ve devised over the last two months living under a ‘new normal’:
1) Reach out to family and friends:
In a time when we cannot be the social beings that we’re accustomed to being, seeing and spending time with family and friends in person, we need to now look to other means, other approaches to be connected. Fortunately, we live in an age of incredible technology and communication. The internet, the smartphone, and the software available to us enables us to connect virtually to those we love, and to seek help from our homes when we need it. Whether it be FaceTime, Zoom (now free for personal use), Teams, Hangouts, Webex, Facebook, text message, or the old fashioned phone call, we can connect when we want to. It may not be ideal, but make an effort to reach out. Do you have a friend who lives alone? Perhaps a cousin working in a hospital caring for sick patients? Check in with them. Set a routine and follow up every few days, even if only for a few minutes. In the process you’ll help their mental well-being as well as yours.
2) Recognize that which you can change, and that which you cannot:
Stay-at-home orders. Small business closures. Unemployment over 20M people. These are real, challenging, negative outcomes of approaches to fight a dangerous virus. We all need to adapt to the reality of the current situation. But there are things we can do to cope. First, start with a reflection of what is most important to you. Did you love going out to eat, or miss going for your daily workout with your personal trainer? In the future, we’ll get back to those routines. In the meantime, look for alternatives to the routines you once had. Perhaps ask Alexa for a new recipe to cook, or challenge your house-mates to a workout competition running the stairs or across your backyard. If you have little ones like I do, turn them into living, breathing workout weights!
Second, reflect not on what you’ve lost, but what you’ve gained. Were you putting off that home improvement project? Did you have a book you wanted to read that was collecting dust? Or maybe you felt you weren’t spending enough time with your family members? Now’s the time to take advantage of the new schedule and routine and put that time to good use. Sometimes when a door closes, even for a little while, a few windows do open.
3) If you’re anxious, depressed, lonely, or in need, seek professional help:
Sometimes, we need support to get through challenges and navigate the emotions we’re feeling. That’s healthy and normal. We recommend asking yourself a few questions to determine if you should seek professional support. And if in doubt, reach out.
At Inner Clarity, we are here to help. We put our clients first, and will discuss your presenting conditions with you before determining an appropriate path forward. We work to match you with the right therapist for you, and take a mindful approach to treatment. We assess outcomes and work within the standards of our profession to bring you results. We believe in living A Clear Mind for a Healthy Life.
For more information, see our services here, or get started by contacting our team today.
Together, we strive to “Find your Inner Clarity.”